Enby they/them pronouns - what's the law on this?

It seems a weird old hill to die on. If this was a male NB wanting to use the ladies because he felt safer, that would be a different matter, but it isn’t. We’re talking about the pronouns that would be used, almost exclusively, when they’re not present. Seems like, at this stage at least, a largely non-issue.

Legally and reputationally as a company you’ll face a discrimination and harassment tribunal if you don’t use her preferred gender pronouns (they/them).

That may be true, but it's not certain (and I'd say unlikely) you or the company would lose such a tribunal if decided according to the law.

The question is, is it worthwhile finding out who would win?

Legally and reputationally as a company you’ll face a discrimination and harassment tribunal if you don’t use her preferred gender pronouns (they/them). Honestly I think it’s bizarre people care so much that they would purposefully incorrectlyy label someone. It hurts literally no one if they want to identify as non binary, and is so easy to do. Don’t be that person.

I think others have said, correctly, that as far as the law is concerned non-binary is not a 'thing', and definitely not a protected characteristic.

Harassment under the EA2010 is unwanted conduct related to a protected characteristic ... that violates [someone's] dignity, or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for them.

If they are settled as "non-binary" instead of "in transition from one sex to the other" they will not be able to uphold a employment tribunal complaint that your choice of pronouns they don't want is related to their GR status - they don't have such a status - or your perception of them as having GR status - you don't perceive them as having such a status.

On the other hand your employer may still feel it's a workplace issue, that not using someone's chosen "they/them" pronouns puts you on the wrong side of a workplace policy, and that you are in the wrong. You are still then potentially on the hook to make a legal challenge to disciplinary action against you by your employer and would have to demonstrate their policy was unlawful. Kind of parallel to Sandie Peggie.

I would consult a solicitor too - disclaimer - I am not one.

Forget the grammar! Any time someone identifies themselves as non-binary, I’m on alert because, to me, it implies “…and I’m just waiting for an excuse to be offended!”.

So, I’d be very wary around this person. I’d probably use their name only but if they kept bringing up their enby-ness, I’d probably ask them what that meant - and just wait for them to tie themselves up in knots trying to explain it’s not about stereotypes while it indeed is about stereotypes. Then I’d do a kind, general statement about everyone being treated the same regardless of their sex or how many stereotypes they fulfilled or didn’t fulfil.

I didn't say you were, but you did mention telling your team that they wouldn't have to use the pronouns however and I'm afraid this could look like encouragement not to - you have to expect that is how it would be framed.

Nor did I call your question combative. I was not the only poster to use this word either. Your stance however that this employee is going to roll in and start demanding this and that does come across as combative.

Not in the way you and TRAs are trying to use them or claim that they are used so definitely a you problem as you're the one who sounds ridiculous speaking that way

Yes, it should be preferred. In my mind correct for me would be for someone to use she or they when describing me, but it seems to be a very contentious grammatical issue on here! Personally I hate ‘she’ as I’ve grown up with my mother saying ‘she is the cat’s mother’!

But, as I’ve said before, this is pure conjecture. The person hasn’t even started yet, has made no demands, and the OP is projecting what they think the new starter might say or think. It just doesn’t sound like the best start to a job, or how to foster a good team working environment.

It is used as an indefinite pronoun, which is rather distancing when you are talking about a specific person.

I don't see the issue. (Non-binary being bollocks aside). If policy is you don't put pronouns in an email then they're not there, if they ask to put them in, you refer them to the policy.

The singular 'they' and indeed 'them' and 'their' has been in use, in England, for centuries. It's generally paired with a plural form of the verb. If you aren't aware of that, then thats [sic] a you problem.

I just avoid pronouns entirely because I won't use incorrect sex pronouns. It is a little clunky but it's doable.

The correct pronouns for a female person would be female pronouns. So you are trying to say 'intentially not using the incorrect pronouns can be seen as a form of harassment'...

If not incorrect then preferred. But not correct.

Actually it could be. As could refusing to spell or pronounce a name the way the employee has asked.

I agree with @Everlil, I wouldn't be starting from a combative position on this. I'd at least wait to meet them and see how they get on with everyone.

I think you could get into hot water if you're emailing your team encouraging them not to refer to her in the way she's asked, especially if that's combined with your refusal to do so, so I would tread very carefully.

Back to the legal situation, I think it's unclear where the line exactly is. I think if you use words (even everyday ones like "she") about someone who has specifically asked not to be called she you could be accused of bullying/harassment. If you avoid they and just use her name I think you'd be on fairly safe ground.

'"No, they hasn't been about since I got here"
Is again grammatical incorrect.
The correct response would be
Sorry no I haven't seen the receptionist.
This sort of basic grammar used to be taught in primary school and if you can't recognise the way you are twisting it thats a you problem

They (plural, both examples) sound odd to me.

I had a solicitors letter recently that used "they" throughout when giving me information about several different people. It was really confusing and I will have to check what they (the solicitors, can't remember the sex of the person who wrote the letter) were trying to tell me.

The purpose of language is communication, it seems many forget this.

You have to tread very carefully.

You could end up with a valid grievance in either direction. Either you could have a grievance if you are forced to compromise your protected philosophical belief that sex is immutable (GC views) or the NB person can have a valid grievance if you repeatedly "misgender" her as a form of harassment.

Best speak to HR and find out where they will stand on this. I suspect it won't be to support your views.

Aw, the patronising tone is just the best x

I'm sure if you were in said Dr's and someone came in and asked you about a missing receptionist (sex unknown).
"Have you seen the receptionist?"
Your answer would totally be
"No, they hasn't been about since I got here"
Or maybe you go with the snappy
"No, he or she hasn't been about since I got here"

Meanwhile, out in the real world...

I don’t know the workplace policies of the OP, but this is (and has) been seen as harassment/bullying in the company I work for and was dealt with accordingly. Whilst it may or may not be unlawful (in your case it could be seen as a way to undermine you due to your sex, which would be unlawful), bullying would be against our code of conduct and would be taken very seriously.

They are is again plural not singular using they as a singular would require is not are.
You may not have learned these grammatical rules at school or have trained yourself to forget them but that doesn't change the grammatical rules

At the moment the person joining the team hasn’t asked or demanded anything. They haven’t forced anyone to use pronouns, this is all about what the OP thinks might happen. I would hate to join a team where the manager had all these preconceptions about me before I had even started.

I don’t think there’s any need to be so combative before the person has even joined. Just see how things go and take it from there, otherwise it sounds like a toxic work environment, especially one where grammar is constantly criticised!

I often say, in response to ‘where is Jan?’, ‘oh they’ve gone to get a coffee’. If someone kept nitpicking my vernacular at work, I’d probably make a complaint!