Enby they/them pronouns - what's the law on this?

Cheers, I know exactly the difference between sex, gender and sexuality.

Having a trans son who is far more trad 'feminine' than me has been quite the eye-opener, even if I hadn't had a lifetime of being gnc 😁

Being trans or non-binary is just something you are. I do wish transphobic people calling trans women 'blokes in dresses' would understand how reductive that is - because it only adds to their dysphoria & pushes them towards surgery.

Trans boys stop binding at home when they are accepted & respected.

Seriously, why are you all fixated on trans people? They're just normal.

Uh, yes I am neurodivergent. (So are all my sons. Very common within my family.)

As are a lot of trans & nb people. Probably because they can't mask who they really are.

You don't say "hi, they/them" to someone's face, just when referring to them. I don't say "hi, he/him" to my kid either.

He's just him. Same as I know my step-gran wasn't my real gran, but called her that anyway.

The most common response when I told my friends about the boy's transition was: oh no, what if I mess that up? I reassured them he wouldn't mind accidental deadnaming etc, it's normal. But all of them met him, realised it was no big deal & just stopped worrying.

It's hard to explain, but when someone transitions (by which I mean drop the pretence of who they felt they had to be) it's a huge change. A whole new, totally authentic person is revealed to you. And you realise: this is who they always were. It feels right.

It's the opposite of pretence.

I felt humbled, because my god I wished I'd known earlier. He had been out to his friends for years before telling me. I felt like I'd only ever known a fraction of him.

It's not a case of 'lost a daughter, gained a son'. He is my child, and exactly the same person - except he now trusts me with knowing who he really is.

And being trans is the very least of that. He isn't permanently playing a character - just no longer living a lie. Even though he has had no treatment whatsoever, I see him as...himself. We talk about periods, street harassment, contraception, how to keep himself safe. I'm not buying into a pretence - just accepting reality.

Sorry, that's a lot! But there is nothing to fear from the truth, which is that trans and nb people exist.

Back to the legal situation, I think it's unclear where the line exactly is. I think if you use words (even everyday ones like "she") about someone who has specifically asked not to be called she you could be accused of bullying/harassment. If you avoid they and just use her name I think you'd be on fairly safe ground.

again you are picking and choosing. I can guarantee that there are many, many offices in the country whereby if you called the CEO 'smithy' or repeatedly offered Fatimah a biscuit after she had told you please not to, you would be subject to disciplinary proceedings. Which is what OP is actually asking - what is the law? Not 'how much of a twat can I get away with being - legally versus socially?'

I have no idea what you're on about in regard to 'violating their dignity' as that's not something I mentioned, nor (obviously) anything OP's as yet un-met colleague could have had the chance to accuse anyone of. So you're arguing against something nobody has said. Which, on the scale of stupidity, is certainly up there.

Obviously nobody should be made to use someone else's pronouns if they disagree with them. But in a case whereby there's a perfectly simple solution that means you don't have to do that, it would be the person continuing to be awkward just to make a point who should get in trouble.

No.

It doesn't matter how many times I thoughtlessly call Smithy "Mr. Smith" or offer Fatimah a biscuit during Ramadan. I cannot be accused of violating their dignity.

Obviously if I offer the one religious Jewish guy prawn crackers four times a day to wind him up, that's different. But we're not talking about intending to wind someone up by referring to them - not even in their presence! - as "she" instead of "they". Entirely different.

You can't pick and choose parts of the analogy and then call it stupid.

Yes I can. As an analogy it's stupid.

Cheers, I know exactly the difference between sex, gender and sexuality.

Having a trans son who is far more trad 'feminine' than me has been quite the eye-opener, even if I hadn't had a lifetime of being gnc 😁

Being trans or non-binary is just something you are. I do wish transphobic people calling trans women 'blokes in dresses' would understand how reductive that is - because it only adds to their dysphoria & pushes them towards surgery.

Trans boys stop binding at home when they are accepted & respected.

Seriously, why are you all fixated on trans people? They're just normal.

One of my family has severe LD & he can grasp the concept that some people are trans, so please don't give me that ridiculous, ableist excuse for lack of respect.

I can grasp that some people identify as trans. What I cannot do is lie, to the point that I lose the capacity to speak. Lying is a fundamentally disrespectful act, so I have no idea how you can have the brass neck to pretend that it's somehow respectful to do so about a person's sex.

Your ignorance about and denial of the impact of selective mutism is the only ableism on this thread.

Cheers, I know exactly the difference between sex, gender and sexuality.

Having a trans son who is far more trad 'feminine' than me has been quite the eye-opener, even if I hadn't had a lifetime of being gnc 😁

Being trans or non-binary is just something you are. I do wish transphobic people calling trans women 'blokes in dresses' would understand how reductive that is - because it only adds to their dysphoria & pushes them towards surgery.

Trans boys stop binding at home when they are accepted & respected.

Seriously, why are you all fixated on trans people? They're just normal.

But I grew up baffled by the concept of male and female, and never felt I fitted the word 'female'.

You seem to be confusing sex and gender. Female is a sex and it fits you if you have a female body. You say you have children. If you have given birth to children you know you have a female body, so of course you are female.

And you can't be that baffled by the concept of male and female since you obviously knew what you and your male sexual partner needed to do in order to have children.

You can't just opt out of your sex, it's not a choice.

Perhaps you mean that you don't think of yourself as particularly feminine. You have that in common with large numbers of other women, and most of us don't feel the need to give ourselves special labels (or pronouns) or make announcements about it.

Feminine and masculine are genders. Everyone is free to be as masculine or as feminine as they want.

Female and male are sexes. You can't choose or change your sex.

I'm neurodivergent, as are many trans/nb people. And I have no issue with being polite.

One of my family has severe LD & he can grasp the concept that some people are trans, so please don't give me that ridiculous, ableist excuse for lack of respect.

Perhaps you don't remember the previous fight for inclusive language, when more women entered the workplace. My God the pushback against the use of 'chair' and 'chairperson'. The way so many people pronounced "Ms" with audible scorn. Even protesting at Star Trek saying "where no one has gone before."

Language evolves, so does society. It moves to include more people who previously were excluded.

Ableism, homophobia, racism, Islamophobia, anti-Semitism, misogyny and yes, transphobia are tackled at root by inclusive language. Respect for someone different to you costs absolutely nothing. Existence is not violence.

No, being non-binary is very different. I am nb. But I never previously had the words for it.

I still use the word 'woman' to refer to my life, as that's how other people see me.

(Incidentally, being categorised as 'not cis male' is the sole experience all women - cis, trans or nb but female presenting - have in common. It's not babies, periods or feelings - it's fear of misogynistic male violence.)

But I grew up baffled by the concept of male and female, and never felt I fitted the word 'female'. I don't use 'they/them' but am changing to 'Mx' as it just fits me better. I'm overjoyed to discover it's not just me - and support everyone who uses they/them. They're braver than me.

No, being non-binary is very different. I am nb. But I never previously had the words for it.

I still use the word 'woman' to refer to my life, as that's how other people see me.

(Incidentally, being categorised as 'not cis male' is the sole experience all women - cis, trans or nb but female presenting - have in common. It's not babies, periods or feelings - it's fear of misogynistic male violence.)

But I grew up baffled by the concept of male and female, and never felt I fitted the word 'female'. I don't use 'they/them' but am changing to 'Mx' as it just fits me better. I'm overjoyed to discover it's not just me - and support everyone who uses they/them. They're braver than me.