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Original poster

How do navigate things with older/adult dc who are pro-trans ideology if you are not?

306 replies

Fancycrab · 31/01/2026 21:17

Just wondering those of you who are GC and have teenagers or young adult dc who strongly support trans ideology, how do you navigate this? Do you just agree not to discuss it? Does it ever interfere with your relationship? My DD is still little but her dad, who I’m separated from is very pro trans rights and believes the whole gender ideology bollocks. I worry that he will brainwash DD into believing it too when she’s older and she’ll end up seeing me as the uncool, unprogressive one who just “doesn’t get it” 🙄

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TempestTost · 31/01/2026 21:48

My two dds are 18 and 21, and both fairly into GI. Though both also know that biology is real, but it seems impossible in their age group that you question the whole thing.

They both know my feelings, and I know theirs, so ostly we don't talk about it much. I don't refrain from saying things I think are important in the moment though. I do try not to put them in a position where they need to discuss it in front of their friends.

Original poster
Fancycrab · 31/01/2026 21:42

Lovelyview · 31/01/2026 21:24

My DD is supportive of her trans and non binary friends. Misgendering is the most appalling thing you can do apparently. We tend not to discuss it. I did say that as a fairly gender non conforming woman I understand why people might want to reject sex stereotypes however I believe non binary is bollocks. We left it there. If your dd is young I'd treat it like religion. Some people believe this thing but I don't believe it and that's ok.

Thank you, that’s very helpful advice. Her dad has a number of trans & non-binary friends who DD sees regularly and she’s started saying things like “that cat might be a boy or a girl or it might be non-binary”. It’s just not something a 7 yo can grasp. I think she thinks non-binary is another sex. I’ve explained to her that if her dad’s non-binary friend wants to be called they/them we should try and respect that as that what makes them feel comfortable and it’s kind to treat people how they want to be treated so long as they’re not hurting you in any way…but she is still a woman, she just wants other people to pretend treat her like she isn’t a man or a woman. Which would sound insanely complicated to an adult 20 years ago! So god knows how complicated it is for a child to understand. There’s probably a simpler way of explaining it to her, so will happily take any suggestions! I’ve also said that being non-binary is a choice that only an adult can choose to make. It’s not something you’re born as like a boy is born a boy and a girl is born a girl. I know her dad would go mental if he found out I told her this though and I worry he’s teaching her something completely different and it’s going to confuse her. Sorry, gone off topic a bit, I’m not overly concerned about this now, I just worry it may become an issue when she’s older but you’re probably right, going with the religion explanation is probably best

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Stopbringingmicehome · 31/01/2026 21:38

We've had a couple of massive rows about it and now avoid the issue as we are both clear on our opinions.

Tonissister · 31/01/2026 21:36

We rarely discuss it. Because we have very different opinions. I did once go OTT with adult DS1 who was mansplaining to me why JKRowling was devilspawn and trans rights issues were exactly the same as gay rights campaigns in 1980s. I started listing every memorable time I had been threatened or assualted by a man. I described every time I had been flashed at as a school girl, chased by weirdos if I tried to go jogging alone, touched up by friends' dads. Told by at least two taxi drivers that they could rape and kill me if they wanted and no one would know. On and on and on. I just didn't stop describing incident after incident until he finally started listening and then I said: this is why we need our own spaces.

He just hugged me and we've never discussed it since. It pisses me off that we can't. He has started to hiss about JK Rowling again and I can feel myself on the brink of lecturing him.

HappyFace2025 · 31/01/2026 21:36

We avoid discussing it. Both DDs are in their 40s.

Lovelyview · 31/01/2026 21:24

My DD is supportive of her trans and non binary friends. Misgendering is the most appalling thing you can do apparently. We tend not to discuss it. I did say that as a fairly gender non conforming woman I understand why people might want to reject sex stereotypes however I believe non binary is bollocks. We left it there. If your dd is young I'd treat it like religion. Some people believe this thing but I don't believe it and that's ok.

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