How do navigate things with older/adult dc who are pro-trans ideology if you are not?

I think that’s what this poster is saying though. It’s true that there are males and females that wish they were the opposite. That doesn’t mean they are or they can change sex. I didn’t read this as ‘be kind’ and agree, I read it as ‘be respectful to everyone as long as they are to you. That doesn’t mean mean you agree with delusion but you respect people.

Very much this.

Actually, it's a violation of what a child can see to tell them to 'be kind' in this way. Also, it teachers girls in particular (but boys too) to disregard their boundaries, which is dangerous. Explain to DD that you can't change sex and that a man is a man whatever he says he is.

Do so. He obviously didn't get the message the first time. DD is much the same, equates trans to gay and says that being gay used to be considered a mental illness. I tend to stop there because essentially you are getting into how people feel and it's beyond me to explain that being gay is not just a 'feeling' and is a sexual orientation that is documented for thousands of years, and trans is not. Also that being gay never included chopping off bits of your body, or taking opposite sex hormones, even in the twentieth century. Huff.

Don’t let her father brainwash her - I’ll bet you spend more time with her than he does.

be very clear - humans can’t change sex.

my kids have trans friends and think I’m impolite about trans people but they know humans can’t change sex. DD has a female NB friend who is clearly just a young lesbian. If they suggested using men’s facilities DD would think they’d lost their mind and can see the clear and obvious danger. Helpfully one of Ds’s friends is also very obvious that his transness is a fetish/sexually motivated. If I ever want to win an argument I always say “Do you want “Jenny” in the changing room with your little sister” and he mumbles “no” and I win!

If your DD is little you don’t need to discuss it other than reinforcing the message that girls (and boys) can do and be anything they want, lots of different ways to be a girl etc.
Trans is becoming very uncool in my DDs age group now (14) it’s usually met with an eye roll,
so by the time your DD is older it’s likely she’s going to think her Dad is uncool than you!

My kids are young adults including an older teen and they're GC. The oldest says GI is just like cutting yourself was when she was at school - she didn't do it but some of her friends did.
I think the suggestion of portraying it to your daughter as a religion or set of beliefs is a good angle. Especially at her age because they teach them a lot about different religions at school, so that might help her to see it that way.

You must discuss it, frequently. This ideology thrived when people were afraid to speak up for reality. Don’t let it get worse.

the arguments dissolve in the light of day.

be that light.

and especially OP, explain , frequently, to your daughter the reality of the world. She will be brainwashed by schools otherwise.

My DD (adult) is non-binary and really we don’t talk about it anymore. I don’t use any pronouns to refer to her in front of her. I just can’t bring myself to say ‘they’ and it feels rude saying ‘she’. My DS says ‘they’ but he’s been exposed to this since a teen (both are in their early 20s).

It seems to be a whole ‘movement’ to me - she went to uni and after the first term was a ‘they’, started to form other political views which align with trans ID etc., hates JK Rowling despite being a Potterhead as a child, doesn’t understand why women need single sex spaces (this is the hill I’ll die on), wants (or wanted, not sure now) a double mastectomy (although seems to have backtracked on this and has no money to pay for it anyway 🙏). We don’t talk politics either apart from saying we hate Reform.

I don’t really care if an acquaintance is trans, it’s not like I’d shun them, but it’s a lot more difficult/emotional when it’s your DC.

I think the age appropriate books idea is a good one, this is recommended:

https://www.transgendertrend.com/product/my-body-is-me/

Edited to say there are a couple of other options on the same website under “Shop”

In answer to the op, my eldest is only 13, but so far she is very sceptical of gender ideology. She and her friends have said that it is all the "odd" kids at school who identify as non-binary etc, which is quite sad really. They especially seem to think that non-binary is nonsense.

This may change as she gets older and moves in different circles, but I hope she I'll continue to think critically about it. My children know my views but I've always emphasised that I am pro-, women's rights, not anti-anything.

I’ve just had an adult DD wake up to the real life consequences of TWAW in a context I’m not in a position to go into. It caused utter mayhem in her life for a few weeks. I’m smugly listening as she is sharing her new wisdom with me.

It is a little glorious but no one ever wants to hear I told you so, so obviously I won’t get to gloat.

In a surprisingly pleasant turn of events it was the guys in the group who really fronted up and argued the negative impacts on female members as a lot of the women felt too socially constrained when the spotlight turned on them.

One of my Dds friends partner now goes by they/them and had a name change, when dd told i ǰust said. Oh right and moved on, i don't really talk about it, my children are all over 25 -30 so not young teenagers.

I'm GC, DS is pro-trans.

I explained my reasoning when it first came up in school. He explained his. We agreed to disagree. Since then, he and his cohort have lost interest in the idea. Now, it simply doesn't come up unless there is a news story.

I hate how JKR has become a verbal punching bag and is basically viewed as arch villain number one for a lot of people. She is the bogeyman of GC people.

I clashed with my brother recently over this. Someone mentioned Harry Potter, and he went off on one about what a shame it is how JKR has turned out and how hateful she is etc. Of course, when challenged, he didn't have a clue what she has actually said If you are going to criticise her, at least bother to find out what her views are.

I actually love it if I find someone who believes in gender identity. I totally don’t understand why anyone would think it’s ok eg for women to have to strip off in front of unknown men in eg a pool changing room. Actually most young women don’t either. Equally, I don’t think anyone should be forced into certain dress codes etc because of their sex. On the whole we have a lot in common - which helps to highlight the actual extremist views.

This has led to some interesting discussions with my own teenagers, and with their more entrenched friends. It is important to maintain a compassionate view, because they will be imagining the most attractive/least threatening trans person you can think of, while I have to stop myself thinking Katie Dolatowski/Isla Bryson

But that’s how I approach teenagers, not 7 year olds. For your dd, just keep repeating the biological facts, and yes, maybe approaching it in the same way you would a religion is best atm

I think it’s tricky in your situation with a young child - but all you have to do is stick to the facts. You can’t control what he says but you can ensure that she knows people can present how they want but it doesn’t change their sex, and people cannot be born in the wrong body.

I have a young adult who appears to believe in trans ideology - I say appears to because I suspect he knows it’s all bollocks but having spent 7 years in uni has been brain washed into “be kind” culture.

In day to day life, we just don’t discuss it. He knows my thoughts on it and if someone else starts a conversation about it he can get quite defensive but ultimately refuses to engage. Uses phrases like “Trans people do exist you know”, and “I don’t understand why you’re so invested in it” “They’re such a small part of the population, why are you so worried about it” etc.

Good for you!!

A different parent in the friend group helped out.

How is that an outcome to be grateful for?

I declined because I think it is a safety issue.

If you genuinely think it's an issue of a child's safety, what are you doing about it?

I am GC, but that does not mean I am anti-trans. The fact that a good portion of my teenagers friend group is transgender just isn’t a big deal. They hang out in my house. I use their preferred pronouns and names. I treat them with the same respect as any of their friends. I keep their privacy as long as there is no imminent danger. This includes remembering who goes by different names with friends and with parents.

when my dd was just starting out in her lgb journey, we did fight a bit. She was so earnest. She didn’t understand that i want everyone protected and I simply think that things like accurate data collection and recording help protect trans people. We still disagree on that issue, but she no longer thinks I am a villain.

The only time we have clashed recently was when she wanted help buying a binder for a friend who needed to hide that from her parents. I declined because I think it is a safety issue. I explained my reasoning, she thankfully listened because she has maturity in the subject now. A different parent in the friend group helped out.

Do you just agree not to discuss it?

Yes.

Politically we're still on the same page. But we'll never reach a consensus on this issue. So we avoid it.

I think when a 7 year olds starts saying things like “that cat might be a boy or a girl or it might be non-binary”, she isn't talking about the cat; she is trying to bond with her Dad. She says the cat might be non binary because she doesn't have a clue about reality and biology yet, and she's copying what she's heard. So I'd start by getting her some age appropriate biology books.

Not my child but I had a great conversation with a 22yr old nephew who is a Green Party member and was coming out with all the tropes about ‘anti-trans’ and ‘far right ideology’. I came at it from the point of view that I share some important objectives with those that believe TWAW, in that I would like a far more gender neutral world where we are all working towards girls and boys being any version of girl or boy they like. He was surprised at this but more able to listen after that. I spoke about how regressive trans ideology is in my view and how it is based on tired sex stereotypes. And then about how scary it can feel for me personally in a unisex loo, women need single sex spaces for a reason, it’s not anti trans but life experience. He is a smart young guy and I was so pleased I could just open his eyes a bit that GC women are not all trump supporters. I think the finding common ground approach is a great starting place and holding back on topics like AGP, more likely to be successful.

All that said, I’d imagine his own mum would’ve got less airtime on the issue than I did - he’s my SIL son so not ans familiar with me, and was polite enough not to shut me down. I’d imagine with my own kids it will be harder. They are young but pretty terfy so far.

I’d probably just explain that theres females and males but some people wish they were the opposite. Also that it’s good to be polite to everyone as long as they are respectful to you.