Looking at men differently now I know too much?

Men cook as well. Electrical faults are the second-leading cause. I don't see very many female sparkies.

Men are the at-fault driver far more often than women.

Having rolled out lab equipment into a building that was still under construction, I can testify that a large part of why women swerve construction is the shocking sexism shown by construction workers. I can also testify, having seen some of the stupid things these men do, that the reason why 95% of workplace fatalities are male is because men don't obey basic safety protocols such as clipping their fall arrest harness to the equipment they are using.

Agreed.

Of course men are capable of self control

And they show that, by not being inappropriately sexual 24/7. They amply show that when they want, they can totally control these instinctual urges and behave like proper human beings. So when they don't? It's totally a choice. The initial interest may not be a choice, but the acting on it totally is.

You’ve not seen the videos on the Internet then of people putting bacon on their dogs nose and their dog resisting the urge to eat the bacon with the headline that if my dog can resist eating meat when he is literally given temptation on the nose why can’t men resist being bastards?

I like dinner first.

See, that's another thing I understand now! Before it was obvious to me that, "Since we are thinking of having a highly intimate personal interaction, it only makes sense that we should get to know each other a little more over dinner." But now it's like, "What does food have to do with sex?? I just want to use your body and let you use mine. Why should we waste time talking and eating first? Unless you mean it as foreplay, of course..." Which in turn goes into the whole entitlement mindset of "Hey, I had dinner with you, you can't turn me down now!" It all makes too much sense.

That view might save your life one day, literally.

Margaret Attwood wasn't wrong when she said that menopause is “A pause while you reconsider men”

I'm well past menopause and have no interest in men whatsoever. If you're not interested in them sexually they seem like women only more dangerous, less interesting and much more likely to sit under a big light watching sport and scratching at themselves.

I feel exactly the same. It’s not all men because some hide it well. I have just posted on that thread btw, he’s gross, they’re all fucking gross.

46 yo, married to a decent man three decades older (for security, 20 years), actively avoiding ALL other men for years now.
Fear, loathing and hatred come to mind, in this order.
Speaking for myself.

Interesting! I do think males are far more object oriented ( including focusing on specific body parts) than relationship oriented - which explains why fetishes are far more common in males than in females. Male sexual response is just wired differently, and I guess the obvious differences in biological function are one of the reasons for this.

Males do not have obvious fertility cycles like females and do not become pregnant. There are literally millions of sperm, but usually only one egg at conception. Males are wired to take up any 'opportunity' when it presents itself, even in gay culture where there is no chance of fertilisation and pregancy; and maybe especially in gay culture in which there are no female 'roadblocks' or hesitancies to getting your rocks off. Its pure testosterone - even with the most feminine of gay men.

Of course men are capable of self control and not all men are highly sexually driven - but as a general rule, even the nicest, loveliest bloke is still driven by the same impulses.

I don't feel that way at all, no.

I’ve heard others say similar, @Seethlaw - that stuff makes people horny in a way women not on it will not experience.

I like dinner first.

Sounds exhausting @Seethlaw

It feels very animalistic - what male animals do in the wild.

Very interesting perspective from you.

It's simple really. From the moment I started taking testosterone, random women I don't know stopped being random people I don't know, and became breasts and behinds on legs. Suddenly I completely understood the male impulse to turn around to check a woman's behind on the street. I found myself staring at cleavages instead of faces. And even with the women I already knew, I found my eyes straying to body parts I'd never given attention to before.

And keep in mind that pre-testo, I thought of myself as almost exclusively male-attracted! I appreciated the female form, but only in an aesthetic way. Suddenly, it became very sexual indeed, but not even in the global way I used to look at men, where a man was a person first, with attractive features second. No, now it was attractive features first, person second.

So yeah, now that I got what I wanted from the testo (the voice and the beard, mostly), I'm realising that I don't need to endure that mindset any longer. I just really really hope it'll go away indeed...

The statistic that 99% of sex offenders are male - which I only discovered in the last few years -made me realise what different worlds men and women inhabit.

Can you expand on the insight @Seethlaw

Charity founders abuse women too.
Firemen rape women too.
Emergency responders assault women too.
Anti-terrorist response team members abuse women too.

It's very well-known that men can have the best social persona and yet be sexual creeps in private too.

I'm a transman. I've been taking testosterone for years. It's given me an insight into the male perspective with regards to women which is so disturbing that I'm now considering stopping the testo in hopes of stopping this particular side-effect.

Mind you, I would consider that maybe there's something wrong with me specifically, if I didn't also have a lifelong experience of perfectly lovely men turning out to be sexual creeps when they think they can get away with it.

So I'm with you, OP - unfortunately.

I think most women with any awareness knew about "out there" and had known for a very long time. How could we not?
What the Pelicot case did was shift the focus, unnervingly, to "in amongst us, very ordinary, and far more numerous than you would think".

And it is odd to me that it took something like the Pelicot case for a lot of women to realise that there are bad men out there. If anything, it shows how sheltered we are in this country. I mean, things have been pretty bad for women in most non-western countries for a very long time. I'm amazed people weren't aware of this until the last couple of years.

I've worked in digital forensics. For a company that analysed the phones and hard drives of criminals (paedophiles, murderers, zoophilia, etc) and extracted the evidence for the police/prosecution. I've quite possibly seen more horrific things than everyone else on this thread combined.

I still don't think it's healthy to obsess over it. Most people aren't like these criminals and statistically are pretty insignificant per capita.

I don't believe most people are thinking of Sarah Everard on the train or whilst at work any more than most expectant mothers are thinking daily of Lucy Letby. What's the point?

Gisele pelicot was a sort of confirmation imo.

I look back now at myself in my teens and twenties and think it was full of risk. I feel like it was a narrow escape tbh for me and my friends and we were lucky nothing worse happened in terms of sexual / male violence.

I still think domestic abuse is absolutely rife and there is a complete lack of support for mothers within society and the law.

@GaIadriel

Your posts are awful.

”I'm not thinking of stuff like that on the way to work nor am I thinking about Sarah Everard.”

A lot of women are concerned for their personal safety - because of men. So yes. I think of Sarah a lot.