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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Talking to non GC people

516 replies

Sausagenbacon · 05/01/2026 08:13

I've been chatting to a few people recently about gender issues, and their opinion runs roughly like this ' we should all listen to each other, and not be so unpleasant. But of course, men shouldn't be in women's sports'
Which begs the question that, if GC people hadn't been 'unpleasant' men would have been firmly in women's sports.
So, should I be pleased that public opinion has shifted slightly, or should I be banging my head against the wall?

OP posts:
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28
MyAmpleSheep · 07/01/2026 11:46

Grammarnut · 07/01/2026 11:38

I was explaining - not well, I am no theologian - some of the idea behind 'begotten not made'. I don't want to burn heretics and don't know if you were policing your friend, but 'god is Father Christmas for adults' is too far - and inaccurate, God does not give out presents at random, God has to be worked at.
For a Christian I suppose souls don't have sex - no marriage in Heaven, after all.
Thanks for replying.

Edited

God does not give out presents at random, God has to be worked at.

Father Christmas gives much better results when worked at, too.

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 11:46

potpourree · 07/01/2026 10:01

I'll try and re-phrase.

When people are using "woman" and "man" to mean something other than female and male, then the first question I need to know the answer to is - to them, what differentiates women and men?

If I don't know that, I don't know whether people using the words women or men are referring to people's bodies, their personalities, their skills, a printed document, what they look like etc.

For any decent discussion we must surely want to be unambiguously understood?
If not, then what's the point in trying to communicate a viewpoint, if you don't want it to be clear?

Clarity is the enemy of gender ideology. Its very foundations are built on blurred boundaries and confusion.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:38

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:30

There are a lot of assumptions inherent in their position which is why calling out the double standard is relevant. It seems a bit one way, no?

I do see double standards Eresh, maybe they are not obvious to some people, but after you have been discussing this issue for years as many of us on this thread have, they are there. But again, I cannot work out whether they are posited as what those being labelled as middle grounders are being represented as having and what those that the poster has, if you see what I mean.

As I said, perhaps the very best thing is for the poster to start afresh and perhaps tackle the issues bit by bit.

Grammarnut · 07/01/2026 11:38

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 09:42

Just seen this after making my previous comment...

Slightly off-piste, but no Christian believes that a child can be got without sperm (sounds very TRA, that!).

I'm now smiling wryly to myself - mostly in a self-deprecating way and, of course, at the irony of the timing - that I apparently sound like a TRA when I say this 🤦‍♀️

If you genuinely believe everything you've written about how Jesus was "begotten" that's great. Honestly, it really is. I possibly wouldn't have been saying how great it was if you were advocating for me to be burnt as a heretic for saying that I don't. But you're not and hooray for that.

As to 'gendered souls', do these idiots think that God mixes up souls and gets it wrong? Or that nature does? Silly.

Is someone an idiot if they do believe that we all have a soul but don't believe that god exists? As someone who believes in ghosts, that's a pretty good description of me.

I don't think nature mixes up souls. I obviously don't think god does either. I also don't believe souls can be gendered. But personally I wouldn't call anyone an idiot in any of these situations.

I have an ex-colleague who said that god was father Christmas for grown-ups. Although I will (shamefully...?) admit that this made me smile, I told him I felt that was a step too far.... Rhetorical question: am I tone policing him, I wonder?

I was explaining - not well, I am no theologian - some of the idea behind 'begotten not made'. I don't want to burn heretics and don't know if you were policing your friend, but 'god is Father Christmas for adults' is too far - and inaccurate, God does not give out presents at random, God has to be worked at.
For a Christian I suppose souls don't have sex - no marriage in Heaven, after all.
Thanks for replying.

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 07/01/2026 11:38

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:01

You’ve completely got the wrong end of the stick, I’m afraid. I considered the pp’s comments to be ill-informed, naive and patronising and not particularly “helpful” either. I certainly wasn’t alone there, was I? I don’t think she is a TRA per se, but it was a direct response to a point about double standards in expecting women to justify their right to single sex spaces with objective empirical data about sexual assaults while men’s “emotive”
arguments that they should be able to use women’s spaces are expected to be pandered to by default. If you want to ask for TRA data, you would go to Reddit. Hope that’s clear.

I agree that there were a lot of apparently illogical points being made and I was very irked by the apparent tone policing.

However, PP did apologise for that, not an easy thing to do.

I know we have had a lot of tedious, repetitive, disruptive posting of late and it gets tiresome. It would be a pity though if the pp had been getting something out of the discussion (not screenshots) but then felt like they were being chased away.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:30

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:18

I have been trying to wade back through that first post to work out what the poster believes, what the poster has made what seems to be blanket statements about what people who might be 'middle ground' seekers thinks and what the poster thinks feminists campaigning for single sex spaces believes.

It is ambiguous in places as to who they are saying believes what. Maybe the poster should take that post and reword it so it is very clear who they refer to, if it is a personal belief or an assumption of others' beliefs and start again.

I also think using terms like 'bun fight' later on has also not helped one iota.

There are a lot of assumptions inherent in their position which is why calling out the double standard is relevant. It seems a bit one way, no?

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:18

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:01

You’ve completely got the wrong end of the stick, I’m afraid. I considered the pp’s comments to be ill-informed, naive and patronising and not particularly “helpful” either. I certainly wasn’t alone there, was I? I don’t think she is a TRA per se, but it was a direct response to a point about double standards in expecting women to justify their right to single sex spaces with objective empirical data about sexual assaults while men’s “emotive”
arguments that they should be able to use women’s spaces are expected to be pandered to by default. If you want to ask for TRA data, you would go to Reddit. Hope that’s clear.

I have been trying to wade back through that first post to work out what the poster believes, what the poster has made what seems to be blanket statements about what people who might be 'middle ground' seekers thinks and what the poster thinks feminists campaigning for single sex spaces believes.

It is ambiguous in places as to who they are saying believes what. Maybe the poster should take that post and reword it so it is very clear who they refer to, if it is a personal belief or an assumption of others' beliefs and start again.

I also think using terms like 'bun fight' later on has also not helped one iota.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 11:03

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 10:58

Great post.

Obviously the question isn't directed at me but I'm going to throw in my own comment in response to it:

  • there is no middle ground regards safeguarding. The line has to be an absolutely clear boundary (in this case male vs female in single-sex toilets) with absolutely no ambiguity whatsoever. No males in single-sex women's toilets, ever
  • the "middle ground" is in determining whether or not an additional, single occupancy unisex facility is a good idea. There are plenty of arguments for and against it. Setting aside whether it impacts existing users of third spaces fairly or not, costs of maintaining council facilities etc etc and focusing purely on safeguarding, opening up these third spaces to anyone who doesn't feel comfortable going to the ones for their sex doesn't bring in any new safeguarding risks. It simply adds to more of the same: these facilities are already dangerous for anyone who uses them (for the many reasons laid out above by keeptoilets). This danger can be mitigated to a degree but that comes at a cost and is unlikely to happen. And obviously the TRAs don't want this solution anyway, probably because it's as close to the middle ground as you can get.

Always very happy to see ANY answers to this, as you know.

Ereshkigalangcleg · 07/01/2026 11:01

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 09:25

May I ask how this is helpful?

No, I'm not tone policing. Yes, I'm aware that anyone on the internet can claim to be someone they are not. I'm also aware that someone who says they don't have a Reddit account might actually have one.

But, having experienced this type of suspicion myself (and it's really not fun) because I was asking questions that helped me get my head around things and because I will genuinely have a conversation with anyone on this forum - yes, sometimes even people who could well be TRAs and even people who could well be duplicitous (rapid summed me up pretty well 😁) - I can say from experience that implicit accusations like this are really not helpful. I would be genuinely interested to know why you made this comment i.e what purpose you feel it serves. Is it intended to out someone as a duplicitous TRA because it's so obvious (to you) that they are one, or for a different reason?

Bringing this back to the theme of the thread, I think this is a really good illustration of how difficult it is not to be seen as an extremist or someone who is fanatical. In this case, the implication (if I'm understanding it properly) is that this PP is an extremist/fanatical TRA who is gathering screenshots for Reddit. Maybe so, but it's not the vibe I'm picking up. To me it feels just as misconstrued as the OP experiencing what is admittedly a far more explicit version of the same accusation, just on behalf of "team GC" instead.

Anyway, if I'm misinterpreting your post I'm happy to be told so and will apologise.

You’ve completely got the wrong end of the stick, I’m afraid. I considered the pp’s comments to be ill-informed, naive and patronising and not particularly “helpful” either. I certainly wasn’t alone there, was I? I don’t think she is a TRA per se, but it was a direct response to a point about double standards in expecting women to justify their right to single sex spaces with objective empirical data about sexual assaults while men’s “emotive”
arguments that they should be able to use women’s spaces are expected to be pandered to by default. If you want to ask for TRA data, you would go to Reddit. Hope that’s clear.

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 10:58

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 09:09

There was a disaster of a thread started last night from someone who declared they too were a ‘middle ground’ poster. There seems to be a few posting on the boards using that terminology to describe themselves.

They came, like others have in the past, from a position of prejudice against the women who are actively campaigning to prioritise the needs of female people. It seems to be ‘middle ground’ is the new ‘moderate approach’ terminology.

Here is the thing and maybe this is also something you can answer @financialcareerstuff . What is this ‘middle ground’ when it comes to safeguarding?

You said we should celebrate shared ground. Why should people who see the harm in poor safeguarding celebrate potential harms?

You used the term ‘muddled’ for yourself. I take that as an acknowledgement that you understand that your thinking shows inconsistencies.

One of those significant inconsistencies seems to be around safeguarding, your understanding of it vs what the fundamental principles are. I say this because of your posts around toilets and how toilets are segregated.

Toilets were always segregated on sex. Never gender identity in any way. No person had to assess whether they were girl or women enough to use them. You either were born female or not.

They were segregated this way due to safety for female people, for usage patterns and to provide for usage outside of the cubicle as well as inside, and for privacy and dignity away from the other sex.

The very premise of including a group of male people into female single sex toilets needs to be based on something other than a decision to be inclusive. What is the basis of that decision?

Specifically. Why should any male person who demands access because they say they are female be given access?

a) Is it because they biologically are female?

b) Is it because they use regressive gender stereotypes to define themselves, therefore upholding those stereotypes, and present and act in what they consider a feminine way?

c) Is it because those male people deserve extra safety?

d) Is it because those male people’s philosophical belief, not reflective of material reality, should have their belief treated as if it is everyone’s material reality?

If someone thinks b) how does this then work for female people who present in a ‘masculine’ way? What does this even mean, who arbitrates who is masculine or feminine enough? And how does this even work if a woman goes in presenting feminine and changes clothes inside to present masculine?

If someone thinks c), what other male group who deserve extra safety can then access the female toilets? Why is it this particular group getting additional privileges?

If someone thinks d), why should a male person be treated as if he is female when he is not, just because he says he is? Regardless of how sincerely or integrally he believes this, it is not materially real. There are no biological markers at all. So why should society do this? Why is it is considered inclusive for this group to be treated this way when other groups don’t have their philosophical belief treated as if it is materially real when it is not. For example, should an adult who believes they are a child be able to go to primary school?

There has to be a defined reason for those male people to be given the additional privilege of accessing female single sex spaces and not just the male single sex space which was created to fulfil the basic human right. What is that?

Plus consent. Why should people celebrate female people’s consent being overridden in this way?

Why should feminists celebrate female consent being overridden? Just because one person doesn’t see the relevancy of female single sex toilets, why should those female people who need that single sex space lose it because someone else ‘consented’ ?

As I say, what is the middle ground that still provides strong safeguarding, in your opinion?

Great post.

Obviously the question isn't directed at me but I'm going to throw in my own comment in response to it:

  • there is no middle ground regards safeguarding. The line has to be an absolutely clear boundary (in this case male vs female in single-sex toilets) with absolutely no ambiguity whatsoever. No males in single-sex women's toilets, ever
  • the "middle ground" is in determining whether or not an additional, single occupancy unisex facility is a good idea. There are plenty of arguments for and against it. Setting aside whether it impacts existing users of third spaces fairly or not, costs of maintaining council facilities etc etc and focusing purely on safeguarding, opening up these third spaces to anyone who doesn't feel comfortable going to the ones for their sex doesn't bring in any new safeguarding risks. It simply adds to more of the same: these facilities are already dangerous for anyone who uses them (for the many reasons laid out above by keeptoilets). This danger can be mitigated to a degree but that comes at a cost and is unlikely to happen. And obviously the TRAs don't want this solution anyway, probably because it's as close to the middle ground as you can get.
Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 10:35

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 10:02

And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable.

I don't think this needs to be framed in terms of rights - it's about policies.

Either toilets are single sex or unisex. Take your pick. However it is hugely problematic to designate toilets as single sex and then decide it's okay for one group of men to use them.

Firstly, because it's inaccurate/ dishonest and causes issues for women who are expecting single sex spaces.

Secondly, because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men? Ultimately you don't, so you are simply opening women's toilets up to any men who wants to use them. So it's unisex by default.

"because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men?"

indeed. Again it all comes back to defining terms and how they apply to safeguarding. And in this case discrimination to make such a case for 'legitimate' discrimination to uphold strong safeguarding.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 10:33

"you could make an argument that a woman has x characteristics, and that with enough treatment and surgery a man could have enough of those characteristics to be a woman. I think this was the approach taken by many before the GRA."

It seems that was an argument some people made, yet it was never communicated to the general public and never actually discussed with women in general.

And as you say, nicepot, impossible and not even logical beyond a superficial level.

nicepotoftea · 07/01/2026 10:29

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 10:02

And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable.

I don't think this needs to be framed in terms of rights - it's about policies.

Either toilets are single sex or unisex. Take your pick. However it is hugely problematic to designate toilets as single sex and then decide it's okay for one group of men to use them.

Firstly, because it's inaccurate/ dishonest and causes issues for women who are expecting single sex spaces.

Secondly, because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men? Ultimately you don't, so you are simply opening women's toilets up to any men who wants to use them. So it's unisex by default.

Secondly, because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men? Ultimately you don't, so you are simply opening women's toilets up to any men who wants to use them. So it's unisex by default.

I think that a huge part of the debate is about attitudes to boundaries.

Logically, (and leaving aside whether it is possible) you could make an argument that a woman has x characteristics, and that with enough treatment and surgery a man could have enough of those characteristics to be a woman. I think this was the approach taken by many before the GRA.

However, that approach has been abandoned and there has been a deliberate campaign against any 'gate keeping', at the expense of being able to make any claim about what it means to be 'trans'.

I don't understand how that is supposed to work within the equality frame work, because 'trans' becomes a completely subjective concept. It's not GC women proposing that 'trans' doesn't exist, but Stonewall.

nicepotoftea · 07/01/2026 10:13

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 09:49

@Keeptoiletssafegood morning. You asked me to scroll back and check your post from 12.33 yesterday. Apologies I didn’t reply to you directly at the time- there were so many posts. However, I did indeed read what you posted, and your post was one of the ones I was referring to as having useful information that I did not know and had not previously thought about, specifically on the difference between enclosed and open cubicles. I had not thought about this as a safety feature before. Or something that would need to change if the overall space was same sex or mixed sex. It also made me think about all the individual self contained toilets - both for people with disabilities, and in loads of smaller establishments, Trains, planes etc, and whether these are actually safe. I guess I’ve always thought about these as the actual ideal, and fairly readily available, and all other designs as expedient for numbers/crowd control, versus better for safety. I guess I’ve also sometimes worried that women only toilets can attract twisted people, who do want to target us…. It’s like a label that says “vulnerable people you may want to predate on- out of sight and with two doors separation to general public” so personally I’m nervous to go into them sometimes, when they are out in eg a park, if it is quiet.

so yes, your post did inform me and make me think differently about toilets, and more specifically about the safety of different set ups. And yes, I would be very interested in reading further information on this if you are happy to share it.

I would like to correct you and say I never said (or felt) that I want mixed toilets - certainly not as a political/policy stance.

What I did say, is that I don’t think toilets are as easy to explain or convince people of as some of the other issues. And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable. I can see that many women, including myself, as I said earlier in the thread, might prefer them - both for psychological, physical comfort and safety. And if statistics bear out that they are consistently safer or needed, then I can see a strong argument for them being a right. If they are a right, though, I find it confusing that there are so many situations when this right is denied, irrespective of any trans issue….and until the trans issue came up, I wasn’t aware of protests about this, so didn’t know it to be a pain point.

If I had to go to a group toilet in an isolated place, I would probably feel safer in a mixed setting, based on the idea that I am closer to multiple non-predatory people, regardless of their sex, and not in a place labeled as an isolated concentration of targets ….the women only ones in parks and petrol stations, when you have to walk round the other side of the building make me very nervous. I feel less safe, not more safe, because they are women only. Again not sure if this is borne out by facts.

In fact the trans issue, before the law was reasserted, may have created a worst of all worlds option… a female only space (technically), thus maintaining the label of target, with an excuse for any male to walk in, but without a general male population around also. Ie a woman’s toilet that allows trans, is not as safe as an officially mixed toilet. Again, I don’t know statistically if this is the case, (the data I asked for would help determine this), but I can see the argument.

Finally, I am concerned that the worries around female only toilets being eroded have caused a significant number of women, and indeed trans people to use disabled facilities instead. While understandable, I know disabled facilities are woefully inadequate already, and wonder if there is any information on this and that it is a fall out people with disabilities have suffered from.

In fact the trans issue, before the law was reasserted, may have created a worst of all worlds option… a female only space (technically), thus maintaining the label of target, with an excuse for any male to walk in, but without a general male population around also. Ie a woman’s toilet that allows trans, is not as safe as an officially mixed toilet.

This is my view - I would rather be in a mixed sex space than be in a 'single sex' space that anyone can use. (Not just for safety, but because I would instinctively resist the idea of such a vague distinction - what is the point? What assumptions are being made?)

Again, I don’t know statistically if this is the case, (the data I asked for would help determine this), but I can see the argument.

The problem is that that the data doesn't exist. It does not follow that because we would like to know something, it is easy or possible to gather information.

And again, as others have pointed out, what would you be measuring? The EA says that a space can be single sex if "The service is likely to be used by more than one person at the same time and a woman might reasonably object to the presence of a man (or vice versa)." The bar is not that the woman has to show that men are a threat.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 10:10

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 09:49

@Keeptoiletssafegood morning. You asked me to scroll back and check your post from 12.33 yesterday. Apologies I didn’t reply to you directly at the time- there were so many posts. However, I did indeed read what you posted, and your post was one of the ones I was referring to as having useful information that I did not know and had not previously thought about, specifically on the difference between enclosed and open cubicles. I had not thought about this as a safety feature before. Or something that would need to change if the overall space was same sex or mixed sex. It also made me think about all the individual self contained toilets - both for people with disabilities, and in loads of smaller establishments, Trains, planes etc, and whether these are actually safe. I guess I’ve always thought about these as the actual ideal, and fairly readily available, and all other designs as expedient for numbers/crowd control, versus better for safety. I guess I’ve also sometimes worried that women only toilets can attract twisted people, who do want to target us…. It’s like a label that says “vulnerable people you may want to predate on- out of sight and with two doors separation to general public” so personally I’m nervous to go into them sometimes, when they are out in eg a park, if it is quiet.

so yes, your post did inform me and make me think differently about toilets, and more specifically about the safety of different set ups. And yes, I would be very interested in reading further information on this if you are happy to share it.

I would like to correct you and say I never said (or felt) that I want mixed toilets - certainly not as a political/policy stance.

What I did say, is that I don’t think toilets are as easy to explain or convince people of as some of the other issues. And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable. I can see that many women, including myself, as I said earlier in the thread, might prefer them - both for psychological, physical comfort and safety. And if statistics bear out that they are consistently safer or needed, then I can see a strong argument for them being a right. If they are a right, though, I find it confusing that there are so many situations when this right is denied, irrespective of any trans issue….and until the trans issue came up, I wasn’t aware of protests about this, so didn’t know it to be a pain point.

If I had to go to a group toilet in an isolated place, I would probably feel safer in a mixed setting, based on the idea that I am closer to multiple non-predatory people, regardless of their sex, and not in a place labeled as an isolated concentration of targets ….the women only ones in parks and petrol stations, when you have to walk round the other side of the building make me very nervous. I feel less safe, not more safe, because they are women only. Again not sure if this is borne out by facts.

In fact the trans issue, before the law was reasserted, may have created a worst of all worlds option… a female only space (technically), thus maintaining the label of target, with an excuse for any male to walk in, but without a general male population around also. Ie a woman’s toilet that allows trans, is not as safe as an officially mixed toilet. Again, I don’t know statistically if this is the case, (the data I asked for would help determine this), but I can see the argument.

Finally, I am concerned that the worries around female only toilets being eroded have caused a significant number of women, and indeed trans people to use disabled facilities instead. While understandable, I know disabled facilities are woefully inadequate already, and wonder if there is any information on this and that it is a fall out people with disabilities have suffered from.

“And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable.”

You keep coming back to this. However, lockable only applies to the cubicle. Female toilet usage and needs extend beyond that locked door.

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 10:07

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 09:55

are currently unable to even let the thought that Khelif might actually be male enter their head.

This is an extremely telling comment.

I think there's a lot of this. Just a complete refusal to believe that the authorities got this so wrong. For some people, this is too destabilising to contemplate and it's much more comforting to label those calling it out as bigots

I think that people who have not looked at the decision making process of the IOC in detail may have a habit of giving their confidence to the IOC to know the science and to have the expertise behind the decision making. Hence we saw so many people defending Khelif based on Semenya.

Maybe it is true to say that it is only when Semenya really dug a hole for his own legacy by releasing a book and doing promo interviews saying things like my testicles don’t make me less of a woman, that some people started to understand that those saying ‘Semenya is male’ were correct. That CAS evidence wasn’t widely publicised and the discussion around DSDs was not as widely understood as it is now.

I am still amazed by the amount of posters who tell us we are horrid and hateful for pointing out that the IOC allowed male people to compete as female people. There is such misplaced trust in the IOC yet, it doesn’t take much to see where the IOC centred an ideological position over a biologically proven one.

But first, you must accept that the IOC is not the expert science organisation it might appear to some to be. It is one upholding an ideal that is pervious to idealism that is not based on physical science.

BonfireLady · 07/01/2026 10:04

Seethlaw · 07/01/2026 09:37

That's my opinion too, but I'm interested in @financialcareerstuff 's opinion, because I want to meet them where they are, you know? Explore their point of view, see if I can understand it, if it makes sense to me.

This sums up my thoughts too.

In all the discussions I've had both online and IRL, this is what I've aimed to achieve.

I once had a phenomenal conversation with an ex-colleague who identified as non-binary. To be fair, it was several conversations.

Sadly, I realised that there was a point at which sharing my own thoughts back would have come across as offensive (so I didn't) but we explored plenty of things together before we got to that point. As an example, the conversations were really helpful when exploring reasons why my autistic daughter might find periods distressing. Interestingly, this ex-colleague (female, NB-identifying, male name) didn't find periods distressing at all so we were able to explore together why autism (which this ex-colleague didn't have) might play a role in all of this. We had a fair amount of discussion about how autism could conflate with gender identity in an unhelpful way, which definitely helped me in the early days. This was either before I had discovered MN, or in the very early days of me being here and trying to understand what it was all about. Meeting everyone "where they are now" has been so key to me forming my own opinions.

The point at which I buttoned it on that conversation was when the ex-colleague mentioned a falling out with a cousin over a heated debate about whether men can have periods. Rather than saying I agreed with the cousin that they can't, I said that I can appreciate how difficult that must have been as a conversation. Which I absolutely can. Much like the awful situation that the OP has found herself in.

I have no idea if this ex-colleague will know how much I hold these conversations dear to me and how thankful I am that we had them.

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 10:02

And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable.

I don't think this needs to be framed in terms of rights - it's about policies.

Either toilets are single sex or unisex. Take your pick. However it is hugely problematic to designate toilets as single sex and then decide it's okay for one group of men to use them.

Firstly, because it's inaccurate/ dishonest and causes issues for women who are expecting single sex spaces.

Secondly, because how do you admit one group of men, but not other men? Ultimately you don't, so you are simply opening women's toilets up to any men who wants to use them. So it's unisex by default.

CassOle · 07/01/2026 10:02

TheKeatingFive
Yes. I think the idea that a man boxing a woman in the Olympics was (more than once and with more than one man) shown across the world on TV is not something that they want to think about. Thinking that thought will break down a very carefully crafted wall that they have built up in their mind. Knocking the wall down will destroy all belief in a just world.

potpourree · 07/01/2026 10:01

Shortshriftandlethal · 07/01/2026 09:34

A woman is an adult human female. That is it. A man is an adult human male. That is it.

Of course people extrapolate all manner of stereotypes and imagery from the above - but when it comes down to it Sex ( and the words 'man' and 'woman') are biological categories

Edited

I'll try and re-phrase.

When people are using "woman" and "man" to mean something other than female and male, then the first question I need to know the answer to is - to them, what differentiates women and men?

If I don't know that, I don't know whether people using the words women or men are referring to people's bodies, their personalities, their skills, a printed document, what they look like etc.

For any decent discussion we must surely want to be unambiguously understood?
If not, then what's the point in trying to communicate a viewpoint, if you don't want it to be clear?

TheKeatingFive · 07/01/2026 09:55

are currently unable to even let the thought that Khelif might actually be male enter their head.

This is an extremely telling comment.

I think there's a lot of this. Just a complete refusal to believe that the authorities got this so wrong. For some people, this is too destabilising to contemplate and it's much more comforting to label those calling it out as bigots

Helleofabore · 07/01/2026 09:49

I think defining terms such as woman and female is vital to understanding where financial’s point of view is coming from.

To me, it seems like the crux of the issue that financial is having with the toilet discussion. While expressing the opinion that they would prefer to see statistics and facts, those don’t get to crux of the matter as I think they believe it will.

All the stats in the world are irrelevant if a space has been designated and created especially for being female only. If you (general you) cannot define who is and isn’t female, what is the use of statistics and general trends?

Plus as we have seen, we are still in a period where police forces throughout the UK have said they will record crimes as being done by whatever sex a person says they are, and media services report that ‘women’ are committing crimes when they are male people. So, finding reliable sources of statistics is the issue.

But it all comes back to ‘what is a woman’.

financialcareerstuff · 07/01/2026 09:49

@Keeptoiletssafegood morning. You asked me to scroll back and check your post from 12.33 yesterday. Apologies I didn’t reply to you directly at the time- there were so many posts. However, I did indeed read what you posted, and your post was one of the ones I was referring to as having useful information that I did not know and had not previously thought about, specifically on the difference between enclosed and open cubicles. I had not thought about this as a safety feature before. Or something that would need to change if the overall space was same sex or mixed sex. It also made me think about all the individual self contained toilets - both for people with disabilities, and in loads of smaller establishments, Trains, planes etc, and whether these are actually safe. I guess I’ve always thought about these as the actual ideal, and fairly readily available, and all other designs as expedient for numbers/crowd control, versus better for safety. I guess I’ve also sometimes worried that women only toilets can attract twisted people, who do want to target us…. It’s like a label that says “vulnerable people you may want to predate on- out of sight and with two doors separation to general public” so personally I’m nervous to go into them sometimes, when they are out in eg a park, if it is quiet.

so yes, your post did inform me and make me think differently about toilets, and more specifically about the safety of different set ups. And yes, I would be very interested in reading further information on this if you are happy to share it.

I would like to correct you and say I never said (or felt) that I want mixed toilets - certainly not as a political/policy stance.

What I did say, is that I don’t think toilets are as easy to explain or convince people of as some of the other issues. And I’m not personally sure about specific toileting setups being a right, other than them being lockable. I can see that many women, including myself, as I said earlier in the thread, might prefer them - both for psychological, physical comfort and safety. And if statistics bear out that they are consistently safer or needed, then I can see a strong argument for them being a right. If they are a right, though, I find it confusing that there are so many situations when this right is denied, irrespective of any trans issue….and until the trans issue came up, I wasn’t aware of protests about this, so didn’t know it to be a pain point.

If I had to go to a group toilet in an isolated place, I would probably feel safer in a mixed setting, based on the idea that I am closer to multiple non-predatory people, regardless of their sex, and not in a place labeled as an isolated concentration of targets ….the women only ones in parks and petrol stations, when you have to walk round the other side of the building make me very nervous. I feel less safe, not more safe, because they are women only. Again not sure if this is borne out by facts.

In fact the trans issue, before the law was reasserted, may have created a worst of all worlds option… a female only space (technically), thus maintaining the label of target, with an excuse for any male to walk in, but without a general male population around also. Ie a woman’s toilet that allows trans, is not as safe as an officially mixed toilet. Again, I don’t know statistically if this is the case, (the data I asked for would help determine this), but I can see the argument.

Finally, I am concerned that the worries around female only toilets being eroded have caused a significant number of women, and indeed trans people to use disabled facilities instead. While understandable, I know disabled facilities are woefully inadequate already, and wonder if there is any information on this and that it is a fall out people with disabilities have suffered from.

CassOle · 07/01/2026 09:44

ThatBlackCat · 07/01/2026 03:30

Khelif was already proven to be male. He is a male with intersex 5-ARD who went through male puberty and has a micropenis, internal testes, a prostate, male chromosomes and DNA and ZERO female sex organs or chromosomes. Plus the fact he failed sex testing three times, and was banned from competing in the recent of the Eindhoven Box Cup in June 2025 and the subsequent World Boxing Championships in September 2025.
His withdrawal followed the new governing body, World Boxing, introducing a mandatory sex testing policy for all female athletes. The rule requires a genetic test (PCR SRY gene test) to confirm eligibility for the female category. If he was female, why would he refuse to have the test and instead flee from the cup? Ask them that. It looks like he is now 'retiring' since the new rule came in. If he were female, he wouldn't need to retire.
Please send these to your relative:

https://www.francsjeux.com/en/short/A-medical-report-relaunches-the-Imane-Khelif-case/

I know that everything that you have said is correct. Unfortunately, my relative has had all the dipshit reasons (it's a Russian plot, the IOC wouldn't lie, masculine women exist and they are now being attacked due to JKR upholding western standards of beauty, naturally high testosterone, etc.) fed to them by TRSOH and are currently unable to even let the thought that Khelif might actually be male enter their head.

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