Open Letter to Dr Hilary Cass

Is it possible that your issue was that you were a sensitive boy seeking deeper friendships, and because you were a child who - in the scheme of things - knew sweet FA about anything like all other children, thought that the answer was to become a girl?

[The above paragraph assumes for one moment that the whole backstory is not one that you have, consciously or sub-consciously, created as an adult to cover the tracks of your adult sexual motivations]

I said that in the context of what I felt as a child with dysphoria. At the time it seemed like female friendships were much deeper than male friendships.

I disagree it's an explanation.

It's a backtracking. Developing deeper relationships with women as a child is odd.

it's not a lot better wanting to develop deeper relationships with girls and thinking you have to pretend to be one in order to do it.

Girls and women are a not service.

You still don't see the sexism.

You have totally bought in to the stereotypes. So much so that you think you actually have to change your sex in order to inhabit them

You're talking to feminists, here. The elimination of detrimental stereotyping in women is a cornerstone of feminism.

Men can, and do, knit, bake, wear make up. I'd ask you exactly what stereotypes you were attracted to, but you won't tell me, because now the sexism has been exposed.

I’ve explained what I actually meant to say. If you want to ignore that or choose not to believe me that’s up to you, but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Quite.

As a pp said, it's as if women aren't seen as individuals. Not human. Not real. Just a massive blob of provision for certain men.

They're not my words, they're yours.

At this point, I think you're backtracking at a rate of knots, in order that you don't look like you transitioned to access women and then lied to them about your sex.

*There was also a social element about not being able to develop deeper friendships with women

I have literally never considered 'wanting deeper relationships with women'.

I mean, maybe that's just me, but that in itself seems really off. I'm trying to imagine any of my female friends coming out with that and... Er, no.

At this point I think you’re being deliberately obtuse. You know I was talking about being friends with girls as a child.

I was one of those transgender children and yet I'm absolutely horrified and depressed that any adult out there should consider it acceptable to medically treat possible trans children. My opinion is that adults' responsibility is to help those children reach adulthood in the best possible mental and physical health, at which point they can make those decisions for themselves, as adults, with a much better understanding of the consequences.

Would I have wanted to be allowed to medically transition as a pre-pubescent child? Of course! But was I in any place to properly understand the ins and outs of such a decision? Absolutely not. No child is, by definition, and that's why adults must protect them.

What do you mean by "their identity"?

You were upset you couldn't develop friendships with adult women, when you were a child?

Can you read? I explained that I was talking about early childhood

then what you have done is either (1) pointlessly trick a stranger or pass-by or someone with whom you have a very superficial, intermittant relationship (eg the barista you see once a week)
Do I have to carry a sign so every stranger knows I’m not really a woman? In practice, what would you like me to do in casual day-to-day situations?

You said

For me, it was distress in knowing that I’d eventually start to develop harsher features, facial hair and that my voice would deepen instead of female secondary characteristic. There was also a social element about not being able to develop deeper friendships with women

You transitioned in order to develop friendships with women. Because, for some reason, you felt that you couldn't have a social relationship with them if they knew your sex.

No, the issue here is distorted perception. Someone with dysmorphia isn’t able to objectively see that their perceived flaw isn’t real. Someone with dysphoria believes their body should’ve developed male or female characteristics and they have this distress because they accurately perceive their characteristics to be opposite to their identity. It’s the same in BIID they believe they shouldn’t have a leg, but they know they have a leg. Someone with dysmorphia doesn’t know that their perceived flaw isn’t real

Every single human being on planet earth treats people differently because of their sex, all the time. Knowing the approximate size, shape, age, sex and fitness of someone is absolutely fundamental to every interaction we have. THis is because we are hardwired to recognize threats (to a health, wellbeing and lives) and opportunities (to procreate, for most of us).

Every single time you trick someone into thinking you are the sex you are not (and I suspect this happens rarely) then what you have done is either (1) pointlessly trick a stranger or pass-by or someone with whom you have a very superficial, intermittant relationship (eg the barista you see once a week), or (2) rendered a meaningful relationship with a friend utterly meaningless by having it built on a lie (to be fair to you it is perfectly possible that you have never ever done this, even if you think you have.)

I didn’t say that. I said that was one of reasons I felt dysphoric as a young child, but that feeling went away when I got older and developed friendships with women (before I transitioned).

I am trying to think this through... is my logic sound?

Someone who thinks they should be legless and wheelchair bound has a perceived flaw (the existence of legs) which isn't there. As they do have legs the flaw we are talking about is not the flaw of having legs (which is of course not a flaw at all), it must be that they incorrectly perceive the existence of legs as a flaw.

Similarly someone who thinks they should be a woman when they are a man has a perceived flaw (their unchangeable biological sex) which isn't there. As having an unchangeable biological sex is not a flaw (if it were every human being would be flawed in this regard) then the flaw we are talking about is not the flaw of being male, it must be that they incorrectly perceive their unchangeable sex as the flaw.

It seems to me that the two things are practically identical.

But you just said one of the reasons you transitioned was to make friends with people precisely because of their sex!

I wouldn’t care. I became friends with them because I liked them as a person and not because of their sex.

ByCraftyMaker I’ve spoke to some friends about my history and it’s not come up for others. It’s not the same for everyone, but being trans isn’t a huge part of my identity. I see it more as how I got to who I am now.

Don't you see it as problematic that 'who you are now' is a man who presents as a woman, but you don't think it's all that important in forming friendships, it's not a huge part of your identity?

Leaving aside the issue of interpersonal relationships, it's pretty important on a practical and legal level: for instance, you do not have the right to use facilities that are designated for women.

An 'internal sense' that you are a woman doesn't count, 'sex'=biological sex, which can't be changed.

A good friend to women and a responsible human being - which you seem to be, I appreciate the way you have interacted in this discussion - would respect the specificity of life as a biological female, and would, for instance, stay out of single-sex spaces that are designated for biological females only.

You may do that already, I would like to think that you do, but you will admit that a whole, noisy, occasionally violent social movement has grown up around men who have the internal sense that they are women co-opting women's experience and identities, and refusing to stay out of women's spaces.

That's huge.

And in answer to one of your points: yes, if I was developing a friendship with anyone, male or female, the fact that I am a lesbian is an important aspect of who I am - not my 'medical history' as you bizarrely call your identity - and it wouldn't be much of a friendship if that aspect of me somehow just didn't come up in conversation....

And they can cheerlead me for it.

How would you feel if a 'woman' you had made friends with turned out to be male (another 'transwoman' just like you)? Would it bother you? Would you feel deceived?

Why do you think has it been easier post transition?

but being trans isn’t a huge part of my identity.

Being male is a significant fact about you that is very relevant to others.

The sex of people you are friends with is very important to you, can you recognise that it would be important to others? If your friends don’t know you are male, how do you think they would feel to find out?

Or do you feel like your female friends know you are male but haven’t said anything?

And if you subsequently have a sexual relationship with her, it's a crime.