Open Letter to Dr Hilary Cass

Lets assume the women who are your friends don't know you are male. And you never tell them. Yes you can have friendships and they may be great and fulfilling and gives YOU the deeper friendships with women you desire.

Truly good friendships though are built on truth, mutual trust and understanding. Yours are all built on a lie, or if you prefer an omission.

Now let's assume your women friends do know you are a man. You pretend to them you're a woman. They pretend to you you're a woman. How can anyone in that situation have anything but a superficial friendship? There's no trust there. There's just people ignoring the bloody elephant in the room.

Why do you think you or anyone is entitled to history? I’ve built friendships as how I’m seen now. Isn’t that more important? If people can always tell that means they’ve decided they want me as a friend regardless

That is your belief. A lot of people don’t share it. To you it’s deceitful, and to other it’s living authentically

That is your belief. A lot of people don’t share it. To you it’s deceitful, and to other it’s living authentically

Why would be you upset if you discovered a friend of yours was trans? Would you treat them differently because of it?

That is your belief. A lot of people don’t share it. To you it’s deceitful, and to other it’s living authentically

That is your belief. A lot of people don’t share it. To you it’s deceitful, and to other it’s living authentically

That is your belief. A lot of people don’t share it. To you it’s deceitful, and to other it’s living authentically

Transwomen are men and if they manage to pass convincingly and lie about it, they are deceitful.

And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying to you.

Here's the answer to your question @Datun.

That’s because you believe trans women are men and are deceitful. Someone who doesn’t share your belief might come to difficult conclusion in that situation.

God, the wheedling.

You can't answer questions straight, you deliberately conceal salient facts, you are trying to make an argument for deliberately misleading people.

Of course if someone who said they were a woman and it turned out he was a man I'd treat him differently, ffs! He'd be revealed as a liar, for starters.

Just be honest. Nobody wants to be pals with a liar.

Why would be you upset if you discovered a friend of yours was trans? Would you treat them differently because of it?

With regards "tricking passers by" there are two ways of looking at it, and I am honestly not sure which one I think more than the other.

(1) It is utterly pointless and relatively harmless. Carry on.

(2) It is inherently anti-social and using the law and / or shaming we need to try to get people to stop doing it.

But the point I was trying to make was not about whether or not you should or should not do it, the point was about how anyone with decent mental health gets ZERO benefit from tricking strangers who don't really care who / what you are. My point is that by definition "passing" involves pointless trickery of people who mean nothing to you and vice versa, or it means rendering an otherwise close relationship as utterly meaningles as it is built on a lie.

Crafty said yesterday that Crafty attended a woman's book club after Crafty's friend, who Crafty has never discussed the fact that Crafty is a man with, invited Crafty.

I take it you stay out of women's spaces, ByCraftyMaker.

Why would be you upset if you discovered a friend of yours was trans? Would you treat them differently because of it?

Why do you think you or anyone is entitled to history? I’ve built friendships as how I’m seen now. Isn’t that more important? If people can always tell that means they’ve decided they want me as a friend regardless

Why would be you upset if you discovered a friend of yours was trans? Would you treat them differently because of it?

Why would be you upset if you discovered a friend of yours was trans? Would you treat them differently because of it?

I understand why you might think it’s a concocted backstory with the horrible stories you hear. I won’t be able to convince you either way, but I have tried to come to this discussion with honesty.

Is it possible that your issue was that you were a sensitive boy seeking deeper friendships, and because you were a child who - in the scheme of things - knew sweet FA about anything like all other children, thought that the answer was to become a girl?
I was a very sensitive child and didn’t fit in with the boys so it is possible that’s why I thought I should’ve been a girl. I did also experience a lot of distress about how I was developing male secondary characteristics so there was also a body component. Deciding to transition wasn’t a rash decision. I managed to avoid it until my early 20s, but I was incredibly depressed about it by this point, so I decided to do it. I honestly don’t know if it was the right decision or if I could’ve eventually learned to been happy as a man, but I will say my life is a lot better now and I’m much happier

Well obviously if they know you are male (which I’m guessing they do) and have decided to be your friend anyway, that’s fine. It would seem to be a rather large elephant to leave in the room and implies that it is a rather superficial friendship. My oldest female friends know pretty much everything about me as we have deeply rooted common experiences.

But you didn’t answer my earlier question about whether it not they knew so I made the point that the fact you are male is a fundamental part of your existence and successfully concealing that in some circumstances is a crime. Honesty is important in friendships.

Men can't have 'deeper friendships' with women?!