Introducing the issue to daughters, from a GC perspective

I had previously assumed that as you say “no one really believes people can change sex jist because the say so” until a conversation with a teenage girl who genuinely thought that a “trans boy” dating a girl was a heterosexual relationship.

Genuinely believed it.

I think it can be quite hard to interpret what young people feel about this because many of them are more than happy to go along with it without remotely believing in the underlying premise.

So they'll be perfectly aware that their non binary friend is male or female but will also believe it's completely harmless and indeed, kind, to play along with it.

It's like the seven year old who knows deep down that Father Christmas makes no sense but still goes along with all the letters and carrots.

Probably the best way to explain your own beliefs is to first show understanding of how they might feel and the world they live in. Praise them for being thoughtful about how their trans/NB friends might feel.

I do think generally, as GCs, we don't take enough account of the fact nobody actually believes that sex isn't real, or any of the other stuff. We think we can convince with logic and obviously, when it comes to legal cases etc, that's how you have to argue.

But usually the people who are "pro-trans" aren't doing so because they're convinced by the arguments, they're doing it because the milieu that surrounds them is telling them that you have to follow this line to be a nice person. The more ridiculous the actual premise, the nicer you are for going along with it.

I didn’t do anything in particular in terms of reading particular books except for making it clear why a boy shouldn’t feature in Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls, which DD had been given for her birthday. That opened a lot of doors to making sure she knew what was what and at 15 she is pretty gender critical - lots of open convos at dinner. When she started at a co-ed secondary there was lots of playground wittering from the girls about how you identify (very much not the boys), but she’s now at a girls school and so far as I can tell the topic simply never comes up. I think with kids it’s dying a slow death.

My children are older teens so we rode the crest of this through high school.

I would say that the key thing is to keep talking to your children about what they are learning in school and as they get older what they are reading online.

I raised my kids with an understanding of historical sexual inequality and the importance of women’s rights through topics like the suffragettes and discussions our how different life was for my Mum and my grandmothers.

For GC issues the I addressed things as they came up. My method was to ask lots questions about what they had learned and help them think through the issues past “be kind”, to “what is right, what is fair, what logical”.

Be aware that it’s hard for kids (who might have trans friends) to find a balance between what they understand intellectually and the fact that they wish to avoid hurting a friend’s feelings.

Keep discussing it, be open to challenge, work through issues calmly and with empathy. Always be a safe place for them to ask questions and discuss thorny issues.