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Original poster

Teacher asked DD how she IDs

161 replies

S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:40

My DD is a tomboy - short hair and trousers all the way - but has always been very clear that she's a girl. While I respect how other people want to live their lives and their right to believe whatever bollocks they like, I don't do gender ideology and neither does she.
Ever since she's started secondary school, she's been asked by other kids if she's trans. It boils my piss and I've contacted the school about it but she tends to just tell people she's a girl and shrugs it off as she doesn't want to make a fuss.
However this week she was mistaken for a boy by a teacher. When she and her pals told her she was, in fact, a girl, the teacher took her aside at the end of the class and asked "how she identified" and if she'd "ever identified as anything other than a girl". DD says this teacher flies a pink and blue flag above her desk...
I am livid - it's bad enough DD gets this shit from other kids, let alone a teacher. I've no doubt the teacher thinks she's "being kind" but I feel her behaviour is steeped in reactionary gender stereotypes. I'm minded to complain - WWYD?

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DeanElderberry · 01/10/2025 17:10

It should be made very clear to that teacher that she can be as conformist as she likes if it makes her happy, but that your daughter is an independent-minded young woman who is not prepared to be boxed-in by archaic and harmful stereotypes.

Anywherebuthere · 01/10/2025 17:07

S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:53

Hmmm but surely being told once that DD is a girl should be enough? Why mither on about gender ID? Very intrusive.

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It is intrusive and inappropriate given that she had already said she was a girl.

It's not something I would let slide and written complaint would be on the way.

Hoardasurass · 01/10/2025 17:01

S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:57

DD was actually mortified. She shrugs off other kids' nonsense but it's different coming from a teacher. It was said in front of another kid too!

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Oh that's so much worse I'm sorry that your dd had to go through that definitely complain as that's so inappropriate

Original poster
S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:57

Hoardasurass · 01/10/2025 16:55

I'd complain to the school about this teacher, her flag and the inappropriate questioning of your dd. That teacher has no right to foist her ideology on her students and whilst it maybe water off your dds back the next child might not be so strong to ignore the pressure

DD was actually mortified. She shrugs off other kids' nonsense but it's different coming from a teacher. It was said in front of another kid too!

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Hoardasurass · 01/10/2025 16:55

I'd complain to the school about this teacher, her flag and the inappropriate questioning of your dd. That teacher has no right to foist her ideology on her students and whilst it maybe water off your dds back the next child might not be so strong to ignore the pressure

Ddakji · 01/10/2025 16:54

Ciderapplevinegar · 01/10/2025 16:45

I'd let it be water off a ducks back. Teachers are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If it's a repeated comment then yes complain, but otherwise I'd consider the matter closed.

Nonsense. This is an activist teacher trying to impose a regressive, sexist, homophobic ideology on a pupil.

I would complain, OP.

Original poster
S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:53

Ciderapplevinegar · 01/10/2025 16:45

I'd let it be water off a ducks back. Teachers are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If it's a repeated comment then yes complain, but otherwise I'd consider the matter closed.

Hmmm but surely being told once that DD is a girl should be enough? Why mither on about gender ID? Very intrusive.

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Jigsawlady1 · 01/10/2025 16:51

If she actually has a trans flag in the classroom definitely complain.

The trans flag is

  1. Not neutral, whether it means to be or not it's now a political opinion that goes hand in hand with restricting single sex spaces so represents misogyny
  2. Likely Irrelevant to the subject they teach
  3. Could be seen as encouraging conversations from gender questioning kids. If a kid wants to ask to a teacher about their own gender identity they should speak to an informed adult who is on the safeguarding team and understands how to support without indoctrination/ bias promoting on an ideology (and I include gender criticalness in that despite being a huge TERF, as I think kids need neutral, factual information and to make their own decisions)
Original poster
S1894PCohen · 01/10/2025 16:50

I feel that once teacher had been told DD is a girl, it should have been left there.

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ThirdDesk · 01/10/2025 16:49

That just shows how reductive and rigid gender identity bollocks is. Girl with short hair must be a boy. Girls that play rugby must be gay or trans. Boys with long hair must be a girl.

We just filled out sixth form applications - the amount of pronoun and identity questions was just unbearable. Especially at the specialist Maths schools. My poor child didn't know whether to lean into it in the hopes of increasing the chances of getting a place to be honest.

Ciderapplevinegar · 01/10/2025 16:45

I'd let it be water off a ducks back. Teachers are damned if they do and damned if they don't. If it's a repeated comment then yes complain, but otherwise I'd consider the matter closed.