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Original poster

Do you have an escape fund for your DD?

84 replies

VioletSpeedwell · 25/09/2025 08:30

I've been thinking about my Aunt Dot this morning.

When I was in my early 20s she said to me "make sure you have a secret account, just in your name, with money in it so that if you ever need to leave your husband, you can."

I assumed she said this because she'd grown up in poverty with a violent father in the 30s and 40s.

Im 60 now with a daughter in her 20s. She's saving for a house deposit and I'm thinking of setting up an escape fund for her in case she ever needs to leave a man - not necessarily a violent one.

Anyone done this?

OP posts:
Showerflowers · 25/09/2025 08:47

I have been through an awful divorce where I had to leave quite suddenly and left everything behind. I had no support. I vowed this would never happen to my dc. So I do have a fund for them. They don’t know about it. My now dh knows about it and has contributed. We’ve used some to help our son when his relationship broke down. He had moved away to be with his partner but it didn’t work out and he needed help to get back home (moved abroad) and then help with deposit for rent. Luckily my other dc haven’t needed it.

ive bought my now adult children up to be financially secure and to always have their own money. They vividly remember the tough time we went through when they were young.

BiologicalRobot · 25/09/2025 08:47

TheaBrandt1 · 25/09/2025 08:41

No it sounds absolutely mental. Have you been reading too many airport thrillers?’

No. Just experiencing life, and reading various Relationship boards. Be grateful you haven't seen or experienced it yourself.

TimeForATerf · 25/09/2025 08:46

I encouraged my daughter to work hard and get a job that would enable her to be independent for life irrespective of any relationship. I’ve also reminded her of the impact on her independence and her pension if she reduces her hours after having a family. She’s married now, to someone with a similar career. They went into the relationship as financial equals.

I think this is better than having a few grand in a secret account and hoping it will all work out.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 25/09/2025 08:46

@Estheryme too! It’s also useful when you want to buy them gifts as a surprise!

BiologicalRobot · 25/09/2025 08:45

No. I wish I had squirrelled away one for myself as I was financially trapped for many years. What I have done though is making sure my post-divorce house is adaptable enough for both my DDs and any grandkids to stay here if they needed a safe place.

TheaBrandt1 · 25/09/2025 08:41

No it sounds absolutely mental. Have you been reading too many airport thrillers?’

Esthery · 25/09/2025 08:39

My husband gives me no cause for concern. I still have money tucked away that he knows nothing about...

LoftyRobin · 25/09/2025 08:38

I think it is sensible nowadays that couples have a saving account that could be used to separate if it is necessary. If you are in a situation where it is safer to keep it a secret, do so.

Tamfs · 25/09/2025 08:32

No, but I am familiar with the advice, it was always given to me growing up in a family with similar abusive men.

I ensure I am financially stable myself with savings. This helped me when I left my marriage a decade ago. I still maintain the same savings/independence so it is there if my DD ever needed it, rather than being a specific pot for her.