Do you have an escape fund for your DD?

No need. I’ve spent a lifetime teaching my dds about the true nature of men and what to look for and what to avoid. We have lovely men in our family and hardly any divorce so I hope by now they know the model and won’t need a ‘divorce fund’. They always have a home with me any way.

Well I world be quite concerned and surprised if a woman could not support herself. Pretty much every woman seems to go back to work now.

Actually thinking about it I am mean one in our marriage his salary goes into the joint account for us both and I have my own business that only I can access. And now actually I earn more than him so all big spends are up to me. We’ve basically role reversed but not intentionally.

You live a very privileged life if you can’t image why some women may not be able to support themselves.

So bloody weird. Frankly if you’re reduced to squirrelling money away from your spouse why even stay married? It’s 2025 🙄. Surely most adults can support themselves these days we are not serving maids thrown out in the snow. And if you divorce and hide assets that is not allowed and won’t impress the court.

Your mum rocks.

Its only the tax office that needs to know.

No, but I've always offered a bolt hole, spare rooms and security to any of my nieces should they need it, with their children if relevant. They're all in late 20s, 30sa and 40s now, but the offer stands.

I have one, I refer to it as my "dignitas fund". Its the only money i dont share with my husband (although he knows about it and what it is for). You don't always know what you'll need to escape from!

There is a generational and community dimension to domestic violence. If you grew up in a home with domestic violence, you are more likely to experience it yourself. This is not controversial, those who’ve not experienced it or seen it in their extended families will not really understand.

My father has always encouraged having such a fund- for escaping a partner, a job

I don’t have savings earmarked as that but I have always made
clear to them all if they ever need to come back, even with kids in tow, there will be room for them and we’ll make it work somehow.

If they needed money we’d
find it somehow.

No but I’d be fortune enough to give her money if she needed it. I have actually given money to my sister and a friend when they were leaving their other halves. Enough for them to put a deposit down on a rented property.

Also I was a SAHM, as it suited us but I only gave up my job knowing I did all household finances, so knew where all the money is. I wasn’t going to be reliant on a man “giving” me money, it was ALL shared.

In what way is it not legal? Pretty much everyone starts off with a solo account in their name only as a teenager! Whats different with keeping that as an adult?

I’ve got money put away that H knows nothing about. And if I had a DD then I’d advise her to do the same too.

My sister and I were always advised by our grandmother to always have our own bank account which I guess is akin to the same advice. She made sure we started driving as soon as we turned 17 and generally instilled the mantra that we must always stand on our 2 feet. We also had a good role model in our mum who is a very capable and independent woman. Good job really as unfortunately I did find myself in a toxic relationship, thank goodness I wasn't financially dependent on the prick.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with “groups” (rather bizarre insinuation there). It’s not even just or only to do with domestic violence - anyone who has known or grown up around women of older generations (and / or their children) who were financially trapped in unhappy marriages of any kind will know exactly why it’s important to be able to have the means to exit a situation that isn’t a good one.

If you think this is “mental”, then you have been very lucky in life.

I tell my dd that she should never ever give up work and never to be reliant on anyone else.

It's sensible for everyone to have their own separate slush fund outside of any joint accounts - regardless of what it is intended for.

Yes, my Grandmother gave me £6k when I got married in 2001 as an escape fund. She’d had 3 marriages (one very abusive) so I guess she knew what it was like to try and start over without one. I’ve thankfully never needed it, but I’ve had it sitting in various savings accounts over the years and I’ve added to it. DD if she ever needs it will have £20k to start over with. She knows it’s there if she ever needs to access it and it’s hidden from future partners.

I don’t know that the song itself has anything to do with it, but the idea that all girls are airheads because they just want pretty jewels, comes at least partly from this.