I blame JKRowling

Oh Treaclewell, that's such a sad, and sadly relatable story - thank heavens our memories hide some of our worst teenage experiences down the back of the sofa of our conscious mind...

Then along comes that evil JKR, reaches down and picks something up -
'Oh look - Temple Ewell! That'll do nicely to torment Treaclewell bwah ha ha ha..''
Evil.

As of now, 'Temple Ewell' is the means by which you unloaded the story of an awful teenage experience, and by which somebody on MN understood completely, commiserated, and is sending your sobbing teenage self a virtual retrospective hug
Take that JKR! Some good has come from your evil plan!

I entered our local lotto under a brilliant pseudonym , Björn Toulouse. But I still didn't win 😭. It is obviously karma because I read Troubled Blood and God is paying me back.

My supposedly new-and-improved wifi router drops the internet at least once every 24 hours and has to be rebooted each time. This is clearly JKR's fault.

And JKR is also to blame for the abrupt end of summer, it's been raining and blowing a gale every day and I can't hang my laundry outside.

I blame JKR for giving me the horrors over an event about 65 years ago which I had utterly forgotten, by setting the first chapters of her new book in Temple Ewell. Could she not have chosen Eythorne or Shepherdswell? But no, she chose a village with a boys' private school to which I and my younger sister were invited to a dance, and at which I wallflowered all evening except when a teacher very obviously alerted the head boy to my existence and he asked me to dance and I was bad it it because my school only taught things like the veleta and the St Bernard's Waltz, and he did a very complicated ballroom version of a waltz. And my sister and I shared a bedroom back home and she was bubbling over the lovely time she had and I was trying to cry silently into my pillow. I had forgotten all of that since, probably, the week after. Until now. When after reading the start in the small hours, I went to sleep to wake up with this going on! Memo to brain. You don't need to pull up every instance of a place name any time it occurs. Please. Let bygones be bygones.

Just been in the kitchen and JKR is to blame for the sodding fruit fly invasion that seems to be happening at the moment.

Leave me and my apple cores alone you annoying little flies.

I'm struggling today to find anything I can blame JKR for.

She is 100% to blame for that.

Our boiler broke this morning. I think we all know who is responsible.

She is also accountable for us not booking a service for about 5 years.

This goes deeper than a few oregano and lavender plants - not only has JKR withered your plants, Otter - you know the iconic trees in Game of Thrones, which are actually in Co. Armagh in Ireland? well...
The Dark Hedges, made famous by Game of Thrones, are dying
‘We cannot save these trees’: The Dark Hedges, made famous by Game of Thrones, are dying – The Irish Times

They are dying supposedly because they were planted 250 years ago and have 'come to the end of their natural life'...

Yeah right! We know who is killing them, and why - what is the other hugely-successful and profitable fantasy franchise apart from Harry Potter... yes, Game of Thrones. <taps side of nose>

I remember that! Quite the education for her I should think

I hadn't thought about WHY my oregano had bolted but now I'm suspicious. And my lavender's not flowered either...

LEAVE MY PLANTS ALONE, WOMAN.

I used to like the band 'Bare Naked Ladies', I could never get information on new records or tours. I didn't dare. It's a wonder anyone showed up. Many women wouldn't dare to look, most blokes would forget what they were looking for.

I wonder if they're still going? <doesn't Google>

I seem to remember Linda Snell in The Archers naively researching pantomimes. Babes in the Wood or something.

A wise move. I once needed some rubble to backfill uneven ground - a fraction of a moment after I hit 'search' I knew that googling "hard core" was a VERY bad move... <refills mind bleach bottle>

My skin has been oily recently, it's obviously not perimenopause as JKR is at large. Thinking of contacting a newspaper or the police due to a hate crime taking place, or my rights not being met, or in what other way can I blame her..?
Please don't remind me of her charitable work as it's not for drag artists.

I blame JKR for my wiry hairs on my jawline. Until she jumped into things with her “dress however you please” tweet, I had never had a single jawline hair.

Luckily they're all savoury. I think....

Not my problem, I'm having fish.

Mixture of sweet and savory?

I blame her for my messy house because I'm reading her latest book and not doing what I should be doing.

It's JKR'S fault I forgot to label the pies DP made when I put them in the freezer so he's getting pie surprise for dinner.

I’ve just realised that my window cleaner was supposed to come last Thursday and hasn’t been. Probably because he’s on holiday, but definitely because JKR made him go, made me forget he was supposed to be coming, made me remember he hasn’t been, AND made me annoyed about it, even though I don’t really care that much.

It’s probably her fault that I don’t care about the cleanliness of my windows.

A travesty caused by JKR, that’s what!

To be fair she did you a favour. Unfortunately she's arranged for 200 bottles of the ghastly stuff to be delivered to mine.

She’s jinxed our water supply. It’s not the drought, oh no. Neither is it my idiot neighbour who doesn’t understand that leaving a hosepipe running for hours because of her precious plants means that for the past two days neither she nor anyone else can flush their toilets.