Flakiness/Not contributing to work gifts

I think it means 70 year olds have been round the block a few times and won't take the claptrap the OP peddles. Some 30 years-olds are still a bit naive.

This is a bit ageist. Mental facilities?!!

It's rare to read such utter claptrap as your opening post op. You sound like a real handmaiden, praising the lovely generous men who fall over themselves to financially contribute. Is this meant to be some barometer of how 'good' men are.

What is the ratio of men to women?

IMO, if the company culture is for leaving gifts, the company should pay. The whole performance is such a collosal waste of everyone's time and money.

You collect for leaving presents in a place where no-one stays for more than two years? Quite apart from the demanding money with menaces aspect, that is a colossal waste of time when you could be working. A card if you want, that's it. Two years? ffs

Good to know that women are more likely to stand up to your bullying than men, and that you fear 70 year olds who might actually give you a succinct explanation of how badly you are behaving.

I hate collections at work. It's not even about the money in most cases, I just don't think being at work should cost you money. You say there's no expectation, but clearly there is. I don't want gifts when I leave either.

I hate contributing to work leaving gifts, or gifts for weddings, mat leave etc.

My colleagues are all nice enough, but I don't care about any of them, can't be arsed to contribute and never know what an acceptable amount to give is.

I'm quite senior, so feel i ought to chip in at least £10, but never do.

I'm in a team of 35, so requests to contribute are endless. I see it as an unnecessary bit of admin that we could all just cut out if we collectively decide not to bother.

I think colleagues should sign a card, and the employer should have a budget of £30 per person for key milestones that are deemed by their line manager to be gift-worthy.

And no, I don't care if I get a gift in return.

Can your work seriously not have a little slush fund for buying these presents if they are only in the region of £20? I genuinely couldn’t bring myself to chase people for a couple of quid as a senior manager. People have enough to do and enough to worry about.

Used to organise a lot of collections in my job. For me it’s a personality rather than a gender issue.

I counted up the leaving, wedding, 50th / 60th, engagement, new baby collections and it came to £90. The year before that it would have been £150 if I had donated £5 per person.

I can’t afford to do that and it’s people I don’t have a work relationship with and the leavers I knew I wouldn’t ever see again.
If it’s someone I actually work with and like then I will but I can’t afford it now. I always used to. Must have paid out thousands over the years.

Also, the final sentence in your OP suggests that you are anything but sensitive and reasonable in the way that you approach your collecting:

Why is it so difficult to simply give because ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO?

No, it's not the obvious right thing to do. Cards are fine, but the circulation of tat in a formalised, semi-obligatory workplace ritual can be just an annoyance to everyone, including the receiver. Especially in a workplace like yours that has quite a high turnover of staff. Some people love it, but many people would prefer to restrict their gift-giving to something more meaningful and spontaneous.

If you think it is an all-caps RIGHT THING TO DO, you are probably asking for money in a manner that pisses a lot of people off. Men might think about it less and just cough up, but women (because of all the socialisation that drums guilt into them about every flaming thing they do that isn't intended to benefit others or validate men) are more likely to SEETHE at the pressure that your clumsy attitude towards the collection puts them under.

Because of this socialisation, they are also less likely than men to feel able to tell you straightforwardly that they don't want to contribute. Hence the 'flakiness', when they make a people-pleasing (you-pleasing) performance of wanting to contribute to fulfill the demands of their socialisation, but then feel too annoyed to actually follow through.

I don’t think it’s the case that women don’t chip into work collections as much as men. Your post seems sexist!

At my work the line manager almost always organises the leaver card/collection and people can write a message and put no money in or chip in if they want.

Appalled that you’re chasing people for money! Not OK.

I only contribute to work gifts/sign cards if it’s someone I know well or like. I have no issue just saying “no”, to be fair, rather than saying yes but then not doing anything

There is only one way to do a work collection. Brown envelope that goes around with the card and any contributions are anonymous. Never chase!
I do put my bank details on the email that says there’s a card for x going around. Some send a fiver that way.
In my place the immediate line manager usually sorts a leaving thing. I find women and men about the same when it comes to organising/contributing.

The sex difference that you perceive to be existing in your workplace, is out of kilter with my experience of a range of workplaces. In my experience it is almost always women who organise these gift/card-giving events, and there is no sex difference in contribution.

So my best guess is that either you are operating with confirmation bias (ie unconsciously focusing those episodes that confirm your interpretation and downgrading/forgetting those that don't), or there is a specific dynamic in your workplace collections that may well be to do with your personality and how you interact with women vs men.

You do come across in your OP as someone over-prone to generalisations about women, and you irritatingly speak of women as girls. Perhaps you are just better at dealing with men than you are at dealing with women, so that when women speak with you they are more likely than men to be just trying to end the conversation by saying what you want to hear.
This might result in some women saying that they will contribute when in fact they feel too alienated to genuinely want to participate in whatever you are organising.

I play the same role in my organisation and I don’t find any difference between genders so I’m wondering if a group of your colleagues have taken exception for some reason - though you do state that people only stay for a couple of years. My colleagues give what they can/want to and people are usually generous. I never disclose how much people contribute and deal with it sensitively if I think people might struggle. I don’t automatically assume everyone who signs the card will contribute. We’re usually genuinely grateful for what people have contributed to our work, so I’d say our farewells are sincere.

Yep, this. Things are tight at the moment for us and frankly, £20-30 a month on leaving / birthday gifts etc is just out of budget. I absolutely dread getting the emails about collections, especially as my (male) colleague in the same role and pay band is so generous but an SMP mat leave and 2x childcare fees has wiped us out financially for now.
Stop hounding people, they’ll contribute if they want to, or feel able.

By an odd coincidence this old thread bobbed up in my notifications in the last week.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5194817-its-just-a-fiver?page=5&reply=139324086

97% team flake there.

I only work part time, am in the office one day a week and wfh the rest of the time. I hardly even see some of my colleagues and as I only work part time due to childcare I don’t earn much money.

I’m not always there when cards are passed around and I don’t always have the spare money to give towards every contribution.

My work do a lot of charity stuff too which is admirable but all these costs add up for me. When I worked full time pre children I gave for everything.

I already have to listen to plenty of comments about how cushy life must be for me working part time. I always remind colleagues they can work part time too, just have to put in a flexible work request and be willing to only a proportion of their salary. Think people sometimes forget you aren’t getting full time pay!

I hate this. If I like the person a lot or know them really well I’ll buy my own token gift. Since July in our team of 20 there’s been requests for 8 people - birthdays, leavers, weddings, flowers for sickness, flowers for someone off grieving, donations to save the hedgehog fund, etc. Im a manager (as are half the team) but this would have cost £40-80 in the last 5/6 weeks alone.
Plus they insist on PayPal which I don’t have, and always send emails/ask when I’m in the middle of something and forget.
i wouldn’t care less if I didn’t get flowers sent from work if I was ill/lost someone/for my birthday, so I’m treating others as I’d like to be treated.

i realise this is all excuses but this is why I don’t contribute- you can’t do for one and then not the other.

i did however buy my deputy and closest work pal a present for her birthday.

I’ve noticed that it’s always, always been women who organise the collections, the cards, and the gifts. Do you think there’s an element of gendered conditioning in that? Why isn’t it enough to get some kind well wishes on your way out the door?

I think what you’re being told here is to fuck off, ideally she’d say so at the start. But again with those gender expectations.

I’ve often read posts on here from women who take maternity leave, and while living on reduced pay, are financing 50% of household bills from their dwindling savings. And women who return to work under pressure to earn more than the cost of the nursery fees, because their long term financial security and mental health aren’t taken into consideration. Meanwhile their partner or husband’s career goes from strength to strength and he helps himself to her free labour in his household.

I know you’ve said that she’s in her 30s and has no dc, but it’s clear that there are some really serious systemic problems to resolve around money. Since you’ve found your way to this board, to gripe about £2, maybe stay and browse awhile.

It's quite strange to not pay when one volunteers to do so.
Try a new tactic ..
Buy the card and ask who'd like to contribute to the gift.
Ask for the gift to be placed in jar on your desk, in cash, then ask if any of the donors would like to purchase the gift.
Agree to one of the people who often forgets to pay.

Involve the group more actively in the purchase and they might think they are more vital to the process.

Why do men contribute?
You male work mates want to be supportive of their female office manager. Perhaps it matters that they are not seen as disregarding you.

You are creating the faff, not your colleagues. Send one email saying x is leaving, thought it would be nice to send them off with a gift, if you want to contribute let me have your money by y. Then maybe a follow up email to say just a reminder, if you want to contribute I will need money by y. Send to all, never just individuals. And if people don't contribute, they don't.

yoy just don't know anyone's financial situations.

I would never give money for a gift for a work colleague I'd known for less than two years and I would lie to an over-enthusiastic contribution collector to get him / her out of my face by saying oh yes I'll send you my bank details / spare change / premium bonds next week.
No doubt this is because my wondering womb lodged itself in my big toe or some such.