Flakiness/Not contributing to work gifts

As I said, some young people are very naive. A 70 year-old would eat the OP for breakfast without salt.

Yeah... there was at least a suggestion of forgetfulness, possibly early dementia.

You think 70 year olds have a lack of mental facilities? Fucking hell.

I agree. It's not what she meant. She meant that 70 year olds would be dithering, amnesic and probably dribbling in a corner as well as incapable of knowing how to make a bank transfer. Well, as 68 year old woman with a pretty high powered job I'd tell her to stick her collection right up her sexist, ageist, handmaiden fucking arse.

Shouldn't this be in AIBU ?

I guarantee you that what is going on here is that the women who dont contribute dont like the person leaving much.

If I like someone I get them something personal. It sounds a complete pita tbh!!

I worked somewhere where everyone chipped in a small set amount a year, optional, and a nominated person organised flowers for bereavements, gifts for leavers etc. Cards were left in a certain place for people to sign.

Or your company could give you a small budget.

Maybe this is a question of gender (in the sociological meaning, being brought up with social expectations) rather than sex.

I suppose men (of this bubble) are socialised in a way where looking tight is a big issue, so they just pay up and don't think about it.
Women are more often socialised in a way that they just pretend to go with the flow, but are not committed.

In the end, it looks your leaving gifts routine is uncomfortable for your colleagues. If it is trully voluntary, you shouldn't know who contributed and how much it was. You can try the cash jar setup, or switch to just a card. If the leaving gifts are generic chocolates, it might be the easiest for everyone.

If it really is only a £20ish gift around every six months, could the most senior person / company owner count this as business expense / gift from the company? It seems silly if it's this small an amount for employees to contribute a couple of pounds (and who wants to do a bank transfer for £3?!)
this would save all faff for all involved!

So the point of your post @Truthfully555 was to condemn women for flakiness, lack of generosity, loss of mental capacity in their 70's and praise men for being the opposite, claim this is absolute and a clear division between the sexes.

Naturally of course in your opinion this equates to men being better and more superior due to your groundbreaking research conducted on such a limited and biased scenario.

Truly excellent work I am sure there is a Nobel Prize in the offing for you.

Now that is mean.

There was a time when I walked the 4 miles to work & back because I couldn’t justify paying the bus fare. I’d have felt incredibly embarrassed if I was called stingy & mean because I couldn’t fork out enough for a contribution, but also wouldn’t have wanted to admit that I couldn’t afford it.

You have to remember too how skint young people are.

I tried to kill the collections culture at my work for the sake of people in the team earning 1/4 of my salary, and paying three times on rent what I pay for my mortgage.

But it JUST. WONT. DIE.

I did a massive internal eye roll at work the other day at a 50 year old recommending Lick paint to a 25 year old who has bought their first run down 2-up, 2-down! I use Lick, but as if they've got the budget for anything other than Dulux!

I hate this being described as flakiness. It’s stingy and mean. Much better words to describe what these people are doing. I wouldn’t give them the cards to sign. If I didn’t want to contribute I would say.

The problem with asking for cash is that nowadays, it often means people have to get round to going to the cash machine, getting some out & then changing the note if they don’t want / can’t afford to give the whole thing.

We usually use Gift Round where I work, since it’s easy to donate to & means nobody’s personal account is involved.

When I left my role of 15 years I got a slew of gifts and I was mortified. Incredibly kind of my colleagues but just a card would have been lovely. I remember the words on the card and not really the gifts. I really think that a card only is fine. People have enough to worry about.

"You must do the right thing"

Says who?

Why is this the right thing to do?

Maybe someone else has a bunch of different priorities, wasn't close to that person or simply things workplace gifts are a lot of bollocks.

Why do they HAVE to comply with your values and belief they should?

There's been an extra ordinary case this week where someone brought a court case that they were unfairly treated because they didn't get a leaving gift from colleagues.

The court ruled that was bollocks.

That, my friend, is the argument in a nutshell.

Ps

Usually I ignore requests for cash from office gougers unless they make it impossible

But I'm not being flaky, I'm trying to save you embarrassment

Please stop trying to shake people down for cash in the workplace. Merci.

I'm still reading but this jumped out at me..

The example I only ever messaged once and that was to give my bank details

I will NEVER transfer money to a personal bank account for a gift for somebody. I am not that trusting and will assume the account holder will either skim a fee off the top or buy something for 15.99 and keep the change from the twenty gifted. I'm not going to give my hard earned money to someone who earns far more than me. Putting cash in an envelope where the recipient will still get the leftover change is more my kind of thing.

We have a higher than average staff turnover as a lot of people are on fixed term 3 year contracts. I don’t contribute to gifts anymore. Mostly I don’t like people enough and also it’s too expensive to keep doing it so I stopped

‘Like I said, it's voluntary’

The last thing this sounds like is voluntary.

Well I am getting sick of flakers

Maybe they are a little sick of you? Also, of you ticking off, judging and starting threads on MN about who has paid up and who hasn't. That's what would put me off more than anything. Just let people donate anonymously and let it go.

Has the cost of living crisis passed you by? Some people are really struggling and have been for some time, what they don’t need is being pressured into parting with money for work colleagues that they probably have no interest in, and that could be better spent elsewhere, on food or bills.

You may think you’re doing a good/kind thing here, but it sounds to me like you’re actually making your colleagues feel uncomfortable and that’s why they’re ignoring your constant requests for money. Unless people have worked at a company for 25 years + then a card is sufficient.

No it's not about gender but sex.
Also take the hint nobody wants to admit that they don't have any spare money.
£2-3 may not be much to you but that's lunch for a week for some people (sandwich and fruit) and you're asking them to do without because you think its the right thing to do.
You may claim that its a voluntary contribution but its clear from your attitude, behaviour and harassment of staff that its anything but.
Your behaviour and judgement of these women not girls bullying and could wind up in a formal grievance being lodged against you.
I do wonder if your the reason that you have such a high staff turnover that people leave the department after only 1-2 years

Hmm, not convinced that's what she meant, but I'll go with it 😄