She has very strong principles & boundaries, and has not compromised on those for anyone.

This.

It's one of Tinsel's clear characteristics. From what I've seen, her unequivocal adherence to her own code is unbreakable.

Some people describing it as 'difficult' is unsurprising.

And I have no quarrel with you. I posted simply because I wanted to state that the comment made me laugh, no matter how inappropriate you thought it was. And that's all I'm going to say about it.

@Imnobody4

That's an excellent thread. If the original poster isn't already on here I hope they do sometime drop by as I could read wisdom like that all day

Sorry Annie, I didn't intend anyone to get in any spats over my tongue in cheek remark.

I can confirm that I think we are both singing from the same hymn sheet and that we are here for ALL women x

This is worth reading

https://rachelhewitt.substack.com/p/i-was-at-filia-2025-and-what-i-saw

Get a grip. Nobody died. Just think of it as the conference having spread out into the online world. Yes, the FiLiA organisers have lost control of the narrative. They could listen and learn and build back better.

Excellent precis

https://x.com/radfem_witch/status/1977810811608539459?t=LWjGlBbVjdctd_Hx7autnQ&s=19

Some final thoughts on #FiLiA2025

This was my first time at FiLiA. I don't usually move in academic circles, but had been told that ensuring representation of working class lesbians like myself was important.

I'd been encouraged by the number of lesbian workshops and...

...events and had been expecting a weekend of solidarity, feminism and fun.

What the opening ceremony did was set a tone that was allowed, by the organisers, to continue unchecked, to spread and to build, for the entire weekend. That tone was one of rejection, of discomfort...

...and of fear for Jewish attendees and their allies. Whereas before I had been feeling welcomed and accepted by all women present, now I felt nervous and anxious at every interaction with a stranger. I wore a yellow ribbon every day and was constantly expecting to be...

...challenged or heckled for it.

Now, instead of wandering the venue freely, we stayed in groups. In person and on twitter we reached out to Jewish attendees and allies and offered to meet up before entering the venue or attending certain events, so that no woman had to feel...

None of this would have been needed, if [@FiLiA_charity](twitter.com/FiLiA_charity) had stepped up on the first day and fulfilled their obligation to provide a safe and welcoming event for ALL women. There are SO many things they could have done to achieve this - a statement immediately...

...alone.

...following the opening ceremony, clarifying a neutral stance on the Israel-Palestine issue and apologising for any distress caused. Or asking women not to wear provocative and divisive items, like keffiyehs. Or at the very least, not selling them on the premises!

Instead...

...with every day that passed without any word from the organisers, tensions just continued to build. When they finally sent out a vague and hand-waving email on the Sunday morning, following events at the party the previous evening, it was all just too little, too late...

As far as I am aware, the ONLY concession finally made to Jewish attendees was a hastily convened workshop at Sunday lunchtime, where many amazing women, including [@BevJacksonAuth](twitter.com/BevJacksonAuth) and Kate Harris, discussed the ongoing silence around the atrocities of 7th Oct. Following that...

...workshop, a statement was suggested that FiLiA could have communicated during the opening ceremony (or elsewhere), to help repair some of the damage done and to smooth tensions. For reasons unknown to me, they chose not to.

And even now, in the aftermath of the event, they..

...remain silent on the situation and the damage done to women who attended their conference in good faith, looking for feminism and solidarity.

To say that I am disappointed is an understatement. I feel let down. I feel betrayed. I can only imagine how my Jewish sisters feel..

...This was, and is not, an act of feminism. And it destroyed what I am sure was months and months of hard work by so many women, who wanted to deliver a wonderful and engaging conference for all.

@Floisme - if you'd read further, you'd have found Thingybob and I have no quarrel with one another.

Honestly, this is so bloody depressing. Purity spirals, insults straight out of the 1920s, really serious accusations against women who aren't here to defend themselves, when what some 200 speakers and some 2,500 attendees wanted (with a few very grim exceptions) was to come together and find points of commonality. I just want to cry.

I've not called you anything. I wouldn't even have commented on @Thingybob's post if you hadn't attacked it.

Laughter can catch us unawares sometimes - it's why it's so powerful. I think we dismiss that at our peril.

"I told someone out of the blue i didnt like them, and now im the bad guy?"

You wanted an argument and are pissed off when you got one.

If you all found it funny, then fine. Call me humourless, a prude, whatever you like. But there's been a lot of women distressed this weekend, a lot of women's work over a very long time (on all sides) overshadowed by this, and I don't think that should be dismissed lightly. I'm not finding a lot of the current situation all that funny. But you do you.

me too, it was light relief!

It was funny in the context of the post it was replying too. Sometimes a joke is just a joke, and not the pretext for a struggle session

I've kept my thoughts to myself as I wasn't there but now I feel compelled to speak up:

@Thingybob's post - yesterday 19.51 - made me laugh.

This isn’t an appropriate place to make personal attacks on other mumsnettters, whatever the circumstances. I’m not surprised your posts were deleted.

I feel like such a fool. Of course I shouldn’t have answered Tinsel’s repeated requests to explain my many issues with her behaviour- I resisted for a while but eventually explained. And of course it was immediately reported to Mumsnet and deleted.
What is the protocol if you intensely dislike a person’s behaviour and you’re asked to explain why? How do I describe horrible behaviour without it getting framed as an “attack” on the person?
Also why on earth are tinsel and Aja being grouped together?

Thanks, @Thingybob. I do understand the need for a statement, of course I do - but I'm also very familiar with being part of a very small team, when you are both physically and emotionally exhausted, and want to take time to do something properly rather than rush into a statement that inflames things further.

I hope they put out a statement soon, but I know I wouldn't be capable of it. I got home v late Sunday, slept all day Monday, and am overwhelmed with catching up with all my day job stuff I've missed.

Could this have been handled better? Absolutely, yes. But Im also inclined to give a bit of time and grace to a small group of women who have spent two years setting this up, and who did deliver a lot of really good sessions for several thousand women in some really trying cirumstances, and who are, I'd bet, utterly, utterly miserable at how it's been overshadowed by all this. I'm not saying everyone has to offer them a bit of grace (and its clear from this thread women who weren't even there are angry about it all), but that's where I am at this point.

I try to go, when I can, to all kinds of feminist events, and I want as many of them as possible to survive. If I was thinking of setting up a big feminist event now, I'd look at how this has unfolded, and probably decide I'd not bother, because unless it's perfect, it's going to be torn apart.

God, do you even hear yourself with your prim, patronising tone. This is one of the many reasons I gave up on feminism first time round.

I considered attending FiLia, partly because I knew some women going and I thought it would be fun to spend time with them. I decided against it in the end because it was blindingly obvious that it is feminism as a subset of socialism and that other views would not be approved. It has proved to be exactly that.

It is ironic that FiLia accepts that men cannot be women, but then excludes maybe half the female population from its idea of feminism.

Sorry if I offended you Annie, I'm just frustrated by Filias lack of any action or statement.

I haven't seen any Filia organiser attack Aja, I just saw reference to a Substack article by MH that smeared her.

MH knows she's F'ed up and has apologised this morning. That's what the Filia organisers should have done as soon as their mistakes became apparent. I know they've been busy but come on they need to find time to put out some statement even if it's just "We are very sorry for any upset caused at the weekend. We will be putting out a full statement in due course"

I'm afraid this just amplifies the misogyny - the traditional dismissal of women calling out misogyny has long been "where's your sense of humour, love?" I'm surprised you aren't aware of this.

I've not been involved in Filia at all, I've just been lurking reading this thread, I started reading it when it was posted as I was originally thinking of going then decided against it as I was nervous of it being in Brighton and I know nobody and would be going myself.

I was nervous about the tras. Now it seems I should really have been wary of certain women inside the conference. It does seem now like you are being slandered on here and others on x. Just for not towing the line? Doesn't seem very feminist to me. Sorry Filia, I'm out, until this changes I won't attend any.

The racist FiLiA organisers and supporters attacking Aja on X.

If it's any comfort, as an objective observer who doesn't know either you or the person having a go, they're the one coming over as behaving in an unpleasant manner, not you.