Please help: looking for resources to manage DD who is saying she's trans

First of all, OP, please look after your own mental health. This sounds like a difficult, stressful, and draining situation, and you need to be able to let off steam, find support, and offload. Make sure you have a good network of friends, family, professionals, etc. Bayswater is often recommended. And there's us on here, of course.

Also try looking for your local Women's Rights Network for sisterhood & support. It's a broad gradd roots feminist organisation which formed in the wake of the realisation of the social contagion of trans "identity" but it's broader than that, and has lots of resources and expertise embedded locally.

I was coming here to say this. The "Gender: A Wider Lens" podcast has finished, but roam through their back catalogue: there is a massive amount of information for parents, presented gently & thoughtfully by two therapists who are ex[erts in the field and who support questioning, exploratory therapy rather than blanket "affirmation."

You might also find that Dr Az Hakeem has published both general reader + scientific research papers on the topic. He's one of the UK's most expert specialists in treating those with a range of gender questions, and is also very sceptical of the affirmation at all costs model. He's been involved in surgery in the area as well.

For scientific research, the Cass Report is probably your best starting point. Professor Cass commissioned several systematic reviews (science researechers can explain better than I what those are, but they're a standard lynch-pin of science research in all areas). She was quite blunt about the lack of appropriate & peer-reviewed research in the area.

You could also follow up Colin Wight and Jesse Singal in the US, on the lack of evidence or proper scientific peer review - see also the scandal of one highly affirmative "gender doctor" who repressed the results of her research, because it didn't align with gender extremist ideology ...

Good luck - it's an awful position to be in.

Sprry, that women needed years.....

I was responding to the concept that women handed years to adjust to their awful periods, which is just not true anymore for the majority, thankfully.

That's a conflation and a half...
OP's DD was not being advised to go on the mini pill because of PCOS.
and I don't mention PCOS anywhere.
I don't care what men will or won't accept.

There is a current tendency to portray everything uniquely female as subpar, painful or backwards i.e. periods, pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. Yes the older generation has a duty to make the lives of the younger generation more comfortable but consistently painting everything female as awful is not it.

Because PCOS amenorrhoea is a high oestrogen state without the progestogen to balance it which is entirely different from pill induced amenorrhoea. Oddly enough, as an experienced GP with a sub interest in women's health and experience of working in a specialist WH clinic, I do know what I'm talking about. Remind me what your qualifications in this area are?

It's depressing that clock's arguments are considered perfectly mainstream in gender medicine, and typifies the extreme way 'follow the science' has been co-opted. The template is - create a slightly plausible argument casting doubt on a certain pathway for harm and consider the matter proved, when in fact the proper frame should be excluding the likelihood harm through robust longitudinal trials, and then being very careful to describe that what's been demonstrated is a qualification of risk, not a demonstrated absence of harm.

I’m curious why you think PCOS-related oligomenorrhea/amenorrhea would be any different from medically induced oligomenorrhea/amenorrhea? Either way, you are preventing the body from expelling an old uterine lining, and those dead cells are just sitting there, rotting. We don’t re-absorb our uterine linings like other female mammals do. The cells that don’t die like they are supposed to may start replicating out of control, which is what cancer is. If you flush them out regularly, there is less opportunity for cancers to grow and metastasize.

I have PCOS, and my ObGyn prescribes progestin pills that I take for a week and then stop in order to induce withdrawal bleeding, which I do if I go longer than 2 months between periods. This is the recommendation and explanation that she gave me, that regular periods reduce the risk of endometrial cancer.

Even if there was a difference between intentional skipping of menstruation and PCOS induced skipping… It’s estimated that up to 1 out of 3 women have PCOS these days, and if you’re starting a young girl on hormonal BC before she’s even had a chance to show symptoms of PCOS, you could miss out on that diagnosis and potentially end up missing signs that something is seriously wrong (see: doctors prescribing me BC for irregular periods when I had a 9x11 cm cyst destroying one of my ovaries.)

Estrogen plays a role in calcium absorption. Suppressing your estrogen levels through prolonged progesterone (or the artificial, simulated kind) exposure reduces the body’s ability to absorb calcium. (Not to mention the horrid side effect of just feeling like you’re in the early stages of pregnancy constantly. Yuck)

Our bodies have evolved over millions and millions of years to function the way that they do. It’s not a good idea to be messing with them by pumping them full of exogenous hormones.

Nope, this is bollocks. Not having a period due to PCOS comes with a risk of endometrial hyperplasia and cancer. Not having a period because you're on the pill (combined or progestogen only) doesn't. And I'm fascinated to her that having a period helps you to absorb calcium better. Where did you learn your physiology/endocrinology from - I'd ask for a refund on whatever it cost you.......

Happily, these days most women never need to get used to heavy, painful, cramping periods - they can go on the pill and stay on it apart from if they want to conceive. Do you honestly think that men would think it a rite of passage to get used to all of that?

If it weren't for the predators, amoral health care providers and foolish be kinders, all thoughtful parents whose kids are caught up in this could relax and let it run its course like any other teenage fad.

And every person who pretends to believe my DD has changed sex is complicit. Even if they don't really believe it.

I am sorry that you are going through this, my Autistic DD is now 20 and came out as trans 5 years ago. She is extremely intelligent, but constantly says rage inducing things like "ooh let's have a lovely mum and son day" and my eyes nearly roll out of my head. Testosterone has been bought from Gender GP and I hold hope that she will come out the other side, whilst reading and listening to as much as I possibly can.

@CyanExpert, have DMed you

Are you planning on trying to convince them otherwise, if so: did your parents ever tell you not to do something you completely believed in?

You should really reflect on what outcome the advice here is likely to have, given all precedent, and whether or not you would like to maintain a compassionate and open dialogue with your child (or whether you would like them to learn to ignore you when you try to "debate" them into agreeing with you about something personal to them).

You ask on MN? 🤷🏻‍♀️

You're right. I got the wrong Cambridge study. Apologies!

This is the one that flips it round:

Transgender and gender-diverse individuals are more likely to be autistic

Unfortunately there has been quite a bit of research coming from places like Cambridge University which muddles autism-related puberty distress and gender identity together. On this occasion it was me who was muddled 🤦‍♀️ (but I still do like that photo 😁)

Apologies too to @WindmillOfWimbledon

Where does it do that @bonfirelady?

It’s important for women and girls to have a cycle so they absorb calcium and flush out the uterine lining periodically. Without doing this, there is a greater risk of osteoporosis and uterine cancer.

You forget that mothers universally have had experience of female puberty.

You're male. You really don't know as much as you think you do about this, Bee.

The OP made it very clear she didn’t want TAs butting in with their usual manipulative bullshit. How about you respect women’s boundaries for once in your life?

Hi.

My ASD daughter went through the same at 13.

She is now 16 and 'back to normal'.

It was a response to trauma, her Autism and social contaigen.

I have a thread under a different name from a while ago, I will see if I can find it.

But I basically didn't allow any name/pronoun changes and made that clear to school.

bang on @BonfireLady

Hopefully the OP has been lurking long enough to recognise the weaselly tactics of trans activists, who spin and twist what are in fact safeguarding processes.

These processes are grounded in evidence and reviews — notably Cass, among others.

Other EU countries have also been conducting reviews and halting medical gender-affirmation programmes.

And yes, binders should be removed. Bear hugs, for example, are considered occupational therapy equipment and are carefully prescribed for no more than 20 minutes at a time, because of the pressure and restriction they place on breathing and on developing rib cages. Binders are no different from foot binding or the extreme corsetry of the past. (Why is it always women and girls who bear the brunt of this?)

Online influence is a very well recognised issue in all this; of course limiting access is sensible.

Of course, DARVO remains the trans activists’ favourite spin tactic.

Yes parents should not complicate children's lives and Yes women have problems being listened to so no one knows what normal is but removing it altogether is infantilising at best and manipulating someone who doesn't know any different at worst.

Or... it's helping an autistic child who experiences sensory issues with periods and distress in relation to their changing body and changing emotions (and the way in which boys suddenly start acting differently around boobs etc) to gradually get used to everything that's happening to them.

That's not manipulation. It's support.

My daughter understands that it's not ideal that she's taking medication to surpress her body's natural function but that for now, this is helping her to feel less distressed. Thankfully, the GP who prescribed the mini pill understands this too.

Is this the "Bayswater abuse" you're thinking of?

day they may thank us for that “abuse”’: Inside the… | TBIJ www.thebureauinvestigates.com/stories/2024-07-02/one-day-they-may-thank-us-for-that-abuse-inside-the-bayswater-support-group TBIJ investigation

It's quite the hit job. On the face of it, it's about parents taking away their child's possessions and forbidding them from interacting with friends. Peel it back a layer and it's similar to any safeguarding approach that a parent may take if their child is getting pulled irreversibly towards harm. Not all parents will make good decisions but the fear of watching their child potentially end up physically harmed (body parts amputated, brain development impacted, endocrine system damaged beyond repair etc) can easily lead to a level of desperation that thankfully most parents won't ever have to face.

Take breast binders for example. I can understand why a parent would destroy these, given the known and permanent damage they can do to the spine and breast tissue. I don't know if it's the approach that I would take but everyone parents differently.

To make things more difficult for parents, "the system" doesn't even recognise the safeguarding issues at play. If vulnrtable child is being coerced into friendships that lead to county lines and isolation from the family into a gang, adults in schools and supporting services know it's vitally important to work with families. Likewise under Prevent when a child is being pulled towards acts of religious extremism.

But where a child is being pulled into a belief system that tells them that a) they have a gender identity that is separate from their sex and b) they may need to alter their body to match this if it's different from their sex no such safeguards exist. Instead, parents are seen as a risk to their child. Loving, supporting parents who want to desperately help their child.

I'm amazed you can read the OP's request for help and equate it with racism or homophobia with the word "queer" (which is a word that means all sorts of things these days and many gay people find offensive).

Being black (or of any other ethnicity) is a fact. Sadly, some people are racist and don't want their children in mixed-race relationships. That has nothing to do with this post.

Some people are gay. Unless they are encouraged to confuse their emerging feelings of same-sex attraction with being trapped in the wrong body (which is inherently homophobic because it suggests that a gay person might actually be a straight person trapped in the wrong body), they are not at risk of removing body parts etc.

It's not "managing" a child to recognise that they need help and support during a difficult time in their life. That this may be exacerbated and influenced by others (see above re county lines and religious extremism). To borrow your quote: "Jesus, this is basic parenting".