My therapist seems politically opposed to my feminist views

Yes definitely I did trust them - but also I would have assumed beforehand that I couldn’t trust someone with their views and identity to create that healing space for me when I specifically talked about my experience of being gender critical. I guess I just mean that someone can act very differently politically to therapeutically and you won’t know unless you raise it explicitly whether your therapist is able to do that. But equally I completely get how it’s disrupted the trust you feel for him, and made you feel vulnerable. Really hope it works out.

I think male therapists can be useful with men who have sexual trauma, but I am skeptical when it comes to them treating women effectively in this area. I also think male therapists can definitely be great with women with other issues and I think men are perfectly capable in physical health settings regarding women e.g gynaecology. I could be wrong but personally I just wouldn’t risk it in a psycho therapeutic setting when sex, sexual politics and sexual violence by men against women are amongst the key issues at play.

This particular male therapist has attended a protest waving a banner where the rights of women and girls to privacy and dignity with regards to men are being questioned. So if I were going to choose a male therapist (for whatever reason) to discuss sexual abuse related trauma with, it would not be this one.

Sure, processing past trauma is important, but in the here and now, a good therapist would help you turn your focus inward. The external world shifts shape depending on how you feel about it anyway doesn’t it?

Because in order for therapy to be useful, you explore the things you can change (yourself), not things you can’t.

As a therapist you believe and trust in what the client needs as a safe space.

@idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams this is tough but I think you’re right to raise it in therapy. I had therapy a couple of years ago with a practitioner who turned out to have a trans identity, in part to talk about some bullying I experienced as a result of GC views - they were very professional, containing and reduced my anxiety really well. It was actually really helpful to have such a supportive and healing experience with someone who was clearly politically on the ‘other side’ as it got me out of a paranoid state where I assumed everyone with pronouns in their email was about to cancel me. Not saying that will definitely happen here of course but it might be worth giving him a chance to redeem your trust. Especially if it feels like a therapeutic relationship thats been helpful for you so far.

I think the idea that you can't be trans supporting and also supporting of women and girls is wrong.

I agree (as a GC feminist), BUT one of the key issues where needs are not reconcilable is that in the TWAW view of the world women have no right to sex-based specific spaces but must be inclusive in terms of gender. I.e no recognition that a safe space for women means no male bodied people. In Rape Survivor services for example.

The main protests against the SC ruling were aiming to press this TWAW point and deny any need for sex specific safe spaces.

So in this matter, between an abuse survivor and a therapist, how can she trust this as a safe space when they may not have a shared understanding of what a safe space is? For women. And doesn’t respect what women say about the need for a single sex space.

Totally agree.

I am a female therapist but have always had lots of male clients.

But that's not always true, some people do well with a male therapist after experiencing such trauma because it can be repair work in having a trusting relationship with men. Obviously preferences matter, if someone doesn't want a male therapist that's fine, but some people find it can be helpful and I don't think it's fair to say male therapists cannot be effective with people who have sexual trauma. Some male therapists may not be (whether that be modality or training or even just the vibe isn't their between you and them) but some can be amazing and vice versa for female therapists. I get why you wouldn't want one (perfectly understable and you should choose someone you trust) but I don't think that as a whole male therapists cannot work with such cases. Though i agree preferences in therapy matter - some people want a Black therapist etc, but other therapists can still be effective. Again it's like male gynaecologists, some people wouldn't want that but others are fine with it.

Of course he wouldn't end the therapy! All clients look up their therapists on social media. Every now and again I ask my dcs friends to try and find out what they can about me on the internet and shut things down if they appear. But of course many therapists have a huge social media presence and are often trans affirming.

He has every right to leave his sm open. Its not something I would do, but he probably assumed most people would agree with him. He was wrong in this case. I think the OP should bring it up.

Also it may be helpful for the OP to begin to accept that his gender views doesn't make him a bad therapist and how she feels about that.

Definitely not, unless it's made him feel uncomfortable- I've known support workers and a counsellor who have experienced stalking behaviour from clients in the past and would therefore find something like this difficult as it may be triggering for them, but that's clearly not what this is in this case and my guess is he'll just talk to you about it, maybe discuss why you felt the need to look/ what you were looking for etc and agree some boundaries around this for moving forward. Then it'll be up to you if you feel safe moving forward with him or not.

OMG that is balderdash.
a client can look up a therapist. It’s the other way around that is unethical.
he was careless to leave his SM open to the public- and for me that carelessness is not up to a standard of behaviour that I would expect from a decent therapist. publicising that he was on that protest is also a way of virtue signalling his support for a loathsome movement.
the OP has knowledge now that she didn’t have when she met him. she must act on that. She owes him nothing except the courtesy of notice of ending and can raise any issues surrounding possible other motives for ending therapy with her new therapist.
Good night all!

Why did you look OP?

I agree he probably should have had it locked down but tbh often therapists have clients who are gender questioning and they may have felt more comfortable seeing that. As you've said, you dont need a GC therapist.

I think the idea that you can't be trans supporting and also supporting of women and girls is wrong.

I also 100% agree that this political issue is a way of running from a male therapist who you have been vulnerable with.

I would strongly disagree. In short, any variety of psychodynamic therapy (which as long term likely is) generally cautions against the therapist bringing in personal matters.

I've never come across a therapist who had personal social media easily accessible, professional accounts sure. That said, therapists are human too and make mistakes. It's quite likely they are unaware of their settings.

Also, therapy is unusual in that they know everything about you and you know hardly anything about them. It's natural to be a bit curious. All these sorts of feelings are part of the process in my view 🤷‍♀️

It's interesting that people have such different perspectives.

I would argue that it is risible to have a public social media profile and then complain that random people can see your social media profile. I can't think of a reason to have a public profile, unless you want random people to see it.

You can choose whether to continue on with him or not but a reminder it was you who went snooping, blaming him for not making his profile private is risible. Has he ever been unprofessional? Ultimately it doesn't matter you can choose to drop him but if he's a good therapist and helping you then I wouldn't cut your nose off to spite your face. Entirely up to you

@idontknowhowtodreamyourdreamsI know this is nothing to do with your post but can I ask if your username is from a song? It’s been on my mind since I noticed and can’t remember what song it is!! And good luck for if you decide to raise things with your therapist. I would always want my clients to raise anything like that (although my personal social media is very much private… and also very much dull and uninteresting)