My therapist seems politically opposed to my feminist views

I agree I think there are unfortunately a lot of inexperienced and unprofessional therapists around, in fact there are a lot that offer services they aren't qualified to be provided. I think regulations like requiring them to register with Ofsted is a great example of regulating which therapists can see those clients because in the days of the internet you do have some people listing everything under the sun as their specialism. I definitely don't have a "rosy" view of therapists, but I respect the professionalism and training of those properly qualified and registered with a proper governing body. I also really recommend if possible finding a therapist who doesn't just work solo / privately and still works in larger teams or organisations as well.

I did see your earlier post, and I'm sad to hear you had such an experience. Of course you couldn't keep working with her but I don't think she should be working with any clients if she made such comments. Again though to be clear, when I am talking about self disclosure from a therapist depending on the modality, I am for example sometimes a therapist might share if they have been through something similar in their past only if and when it's particularly relevant and helpful to the client, sharing their opinions or judgements on the client isn't acceptable in any modality.

I definitely do that - I was talking about multiple experiences all of them in the past. But I'm likely to be doing it again in a few months.

In the 15 minute call I do start with modality (though most have that on their website so I already know), I normally ask how they implement the modality and their experience and how they work etc. I then ask about views and the reason 'no opinion' is bad for me is 1. If you don't care that's also bad in respect to the issue because it means you aren't affected or people you know aren't affected or affected enough for you to engage and have a stance (silence is accepting the behaviour in my view). 2. It may not be relevant now but it may be later in our work 3. I think all the questions and specific views I ask about are relevant, because I don't ask on small issues just big one, that focus on rights (I wouldn't ask about pension policy and how they think we need to deal with them, that's detailed and irrelevant), I ask about big rights (race issues, which matter to me and add nuanced detailed to my life as a Black women, gender issues, abortion, bodily autonomy, disability issues which again matter as I often end up linking things to my chronic illness issues and also sexuality as a bisexual person and also things generally on rights for refugees, BAME groups, religion (even though I'm non religious and would want non religious therapy, I still want someone who isn't antagonist towards other religions), class issues as well. The reason I care is because for me these things are about fundamental values, and how they approach the world, so if we don't match on these things (give or take) then I don't feel safe in their space, and I don't feel that we'll work well at all.

For me a therapist with those 'traditional boundaries' likely wouldn't be for me as if imagine they have similar attitudes to other things which don't work for me (self disclosure, being a blank face/overly neutral therapist). All fine, just not what I want and I've had that before and didn't like it at all. I don't ask on small issues again just big political themes - I wouldn't ask in as much detail as I have above, just 2/3 general questions overall and maybe follow-up depending on what they say. The therapy I had years ago (through a system, I didn't know anything about modality and things and it wasn't for me, the therapist even acknowledged that), as I've gone on, I now know the modalities that work and with therapists in those modalities they've never had a problem with the questions and self disclosure and have boundaries I feel are fair but also help be build a relationship and feel safe in the space.

I need someone as @Arran2024 mentions who has the same beliefs on major rights issues (some impacting my life and rights every day) because I don't believe or accept the 'neutral' in the space argument as it will, subconsciously impact the bond and it matters deeply to me, I don't want someone who just says I disagree with this major right issue but in the room with you, I won't. I don't believe that's truly possible for major issues (not small irrelevant things), and I don't want that even if they can do it.

You may already know this but anyone offering therapy to adopted children has to be registered with Ofsted. Not every therapist is experienced enough or can be trusted not to let their feelings get in the way, which is why the Gov put the restrictions in place.

I am mentioning this because it is a good example of therapy not depending on the modality but on the personal feelings of the therapist and how these were influencing treatment.

Adopters we're being undermined by therapists who prioritised the birth family - calling the birth parents "your real mum and dad" and using the adopters' first names for example.

Anyway, under your very rosy view of therapists, this should not have been necessary. All these therapists should have been able to put their personal feelings aside and dealt with the client in a thoroughly professional way.

But they didn't/ couldn't, to the point where the Gov acted.

No one is going to do similar on other issues which arouse strong feelings, like polical affiliation, gender critical views. You have to manage it by yourself.

It is properly damaging to work with someone you believe despises you. I mentioned before how I adopted two children and gave up work to look after them and my female therapist was clearly bewildered/ angry with me for it. She said some unforgivable things - apologised at the next session after discussion with her supervisor but she couldn't take them back and I couldn't work with her any more.

I think that's totally fair! Absolutely do your research and pick your therapist based on what works for you and what criteria matters to you however I'm not sure I agree with writing off therapists who have "no opinion" because most likely of course they do have an opinion, it's just irrelevant to their practice and it should be. Has this approach found you a therapist you've been able to successfully work with? That's all that matters really, it's unclear from your post whether you have found one you can work with or are still meeting several.

Personally with the 15 minute screening calls I always advise that your best bet is really getting details on the modalities your therapist works with, laying out your primary issues and goals in therapy and asking for their experience is helping clients with similar issues and goals and how they like to work i.e frequency required, recommended number of sessions etc because these can really differ and clients have different preferences. If you're able to cover everything about you and the work you're wanting to do and interview them on a range of political issues that's great. I still would suggest not to write off those not sharing their opinion with you as being against you or not considering you. The amount of info a therapist will disclose really depends on their specialisms and the type of therapy they deliver, so you could be writing off a really good fit for you in terms of what they can do for you, solely because how they work involves keeping a more traditional boundary between therapist and client.

TL;DR The relationship between therapist and client and the relevance of discussing secondary issues or any self disclosure by a therapist really depends on the type of therapy you're doing and in any modality imo it should only be done if it has benefit to the client in the specific work they're doing.

However some things about a therapist do matter for the therapeutic relationship. That's why many therapists do have public social media (good for marketing and also sharing information on mental illness and health) and also they are often willing to, whether they have public social media or not, to share their views on major issues. I ask therapists during the 15 minutes initial phone call and/or intake about their political views on major human right (race, abortion, bodily autonomy, voting, awareness of disability and chronic illness) sort of topics because it matter to how I will interact with them in the space - do they actually care about the groups I'm part of, do they affirm me and care about those issues. If they don't agree with them or have no opinion - that shows be they're either against me in those ways or are indifferent to me and my groups which won't work with me. I do search up therapists before I meet with them (that's often how I find them, and I'll look for info on them, training and views and often now therapists have public social media, so I check to see if they do. I also do this with doctors because they'll often have info on their history, any research or publications and specialisms).

I used that word in reference the words OP used to describe her emotional state - crying after the session for example as well as how she said she wants what the SC brings up for her in view of her previous trauma. I'm not sure why you put quotes around triggered and I hope you're not reading the word triggered as the crass social media usage. In terms of trauma and therapy triggered is absolutely appropriate to use when discussing trauma in therapy and it's applicable when your current emotions are being affected by past events and current events that reminds you of them.

try to talk about why it's triggering you recently

I'm not sure that "Discovering my therapist believes in gender woo and I am now doubting his opinion" is being "triggered"?

I'm not saying they're an empty vessel, I'm saying who they are in the therapeutic space is who they are to you - not a friend or someone "in your life". It's tempting and common for clients to blur that when you're being so intimate with someone to want to gather a picture of them outside therapy or worry about if they like you, how they perceive you etc which is why I said your therapist wouldn't be surprised but the most helpful thing you can do is be honest with him and talk about it. You say you haven't lied, but you haven't disclosed to him that you looked this up and how it made you feel even though you want to discuss the SC ruling with him but you're leaving out the most relevant info. You can discuss the ins and outs of a secondary trauma like the ruling for years and years and you'll get absolutely nowhere. If you can be honest with him he will helpfully redirect your talks to what this brings up in you and why it's triggering you so much. It's really up to you if you are in therapy to do the work and achieve your goals, or if you want to deflect (and pay a fortune!) to discuss your opinions but he's only going to validate you regardless of his opinions (that's because he is there in a professional capacity) and try to talk about why it's triggering you recently and you'll be omitting the very relevant info that this issue and wanting to discuss it is because you feel it's affected your therapeutic relationship. If you won't say that, then yes you are kind of lying but you're only cheating yourself 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm not saying you should have zero idea who your therapist is, of course even if appointments are outside of the home therapists will have clues of their life (their fashion, a wedding ring, tattoos etc there can be lots) but did you find yourself googling your therapist between sessions or researching into the things you knew like her books etc to try and guage a picture of her outside of therapy and the kind of opinions she might hold about you? That's the difference, if you are making who your therapist is outside of therapy a focus for you instead of the work, especially focusing on how your therapist feels about you, it's something to bring up with your therapist so they can guide you through why that's happen and redirect your focus back to yourself.

You never know OP, you might be able to turn him to the light. But you'd be paying him, to do it!

Hope your next session is equally useful as the last one.

It is absolutely the role of the therapist to establish appropriate boundaries. Never the client's. When trying to find a family therapist I searched extensively, including social media. Perfectly normal. My friends who are therapists/teachers/doctors/police officers all have their SM under assumed names and only ever allow access to immediate friends and family. That is the responsible thing to do.

I agree with whoever said that by having his SM unprotected he was making a statement and wanted it to be publicly visible. He's put a flag in the ground.

As for his creating enough of a safe space for you to already be vulnerable and so is doing a "good job"..... OK. It's the boiled frog. What do abusers do? They make their victims seem safe so that any transgressions, micro aggressions, are dismissed - the victim believes the abuser has their best interests at heart - anything experienced negatively has to be reframed as being "for my own good". The escalation can be over years, absolute trust is abused.

Only you can make the decision @idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams - but if it were me I know I would be guarded once I'd discovered this - and that would be expensively unproductive therapy.

With therapy, responsibility for boundaries sits much more with the therapist than the client. That’s what my therapist told me. It would be weird if the therapist had looked up the OP’s socials or followed her. But ok for it to be the other way around. He should have his personal socials locked down so clients can’t see them, anyway, I would have thought.

I can share it as many times as I like- clearly you don't understand how the internet works.

I'm not in the least bit bothered what you think I'm wrong about.

If you're looking up your therapist on social media you're creepy and have massively misunderstood his role in your life.

The therapist should lock down his profile but only clients with boundary issues will have looked him up. I've had therapy in the past and wouldn't have dreamed of even trying to investigate my therapist's personal life because I know how to mind my own business.

MrsSunshine2b, you're bonkers, and if you really think anybody who knows your real name isn't looking you up on social media any time they have the slightest interest in doing so, you may get a nasty surprise some time! Anything on the web that somebody can read, they may read - if you don't want people reading something, learn to use the privacy filters the platforms provide, or don't write it! Since I just googled your mn nickname, you're also wrong about private schools and weight loss injections ;-)

It's SOCIAL media. Your therapist is not a social acquaintance and you have no business in their social life. The fact you can't see why looking up a therapist on social media is a breach of boundaries shows you've got bigger issues around respecting others. I would advise telling your therapist so he can recommend a different therapist, pre-warn them about your behaviour, and cut contact with you, as you've overstepped the line and made it toxic.

I trained as a clinical psychologist (a therapist with a few other roles) in the mid 2010s. Anyone who has worked in a therapeutic field since the advent of social media 1000% will be aware that your clients are likely to look you up online. The influence of how much clients know about you (called 'self disclosure') is a hugely significant part of therapeutic practice, especially in some models.

I cannot see he could not be aware that clients will be looking him up (NOT a boundary violation at all- it's in the public domain, something most people would be curious to do for anyone else whose service they are using, and your responsibility isn't to be the one setting boundaries, that's absolutely his job. As a client you wouldn't have been expected to know what 'boundaries' meant pre the social media pop psychology explosion!). I know people will be looking me up, and leave nothing public or under my real name accordingly. This goes beyond just professional boundaries of any other professional group eg teachers- the therapeutic relationship and perceptions of the therapist are absolutely core to practice.

My guess he is either a (potentially older?) therapist with a less than contemporary understanding of social media settings etc or (more likely, I suspect) he absolutely expects clients will look him up, see this and note how "progressive" he is. Generously, he could genuinely think he's supporting a compassionate cause and clients to feel reassured by this. Less generously, it could be a bit like humble bragging about how modern and "right on" he is, except it sure misses the mark when it turns out the cause he's patting himself on the back on is one that will cause (many) others considerable disquiet.

If he is up to scratch as a professional, he should both expect and be open to people discussing any information on him in the public forum because of course we live in a day and age where people Google people (it's only the other way round- therapists googling clients- that is a serious boundary violation due to the power dynamic, lack of consent amongst other things).

I'd truly want my clients to bring anything they'd seen about me that they had questions about to my attention, because I'd then know it might have an impact on others. One of the most helpful things a client told me was that she thought I was more "girly" than her because I always wore dresses- only actually did this at work because I was too short to find good work trousers- I never wear them of work. I became so much more aware of my work wardrobe after this. Therapists (should!) have their own supervision sessions to discuss things they find challenging in cases. If you discussed this with him, he might reflect on this with his supervisor and hopefully become a bit wiser to the drawbacks of such a photo being in public. Or, if he's less reflective than I'd want him to be, he might be a defensive douche about it (I've certainly worked with these types too, I'm afraid).

Unfortunately some training institutes did lose their professional neutrality on commenting on similar issues during recent years. I think it's a by-product of compassionate people thinking it was the kind side to be on (where I started out too, but then look what board I've ended up on)!

People have some strange ideas about stalking and social media. People look people up all the time and yes they sometimes follow them to see what they post - are they stalkers? Open up your SM for everyone to see and expect people to see it! If you don’t want people to see it (or just a select few) make it private.

I have seen therapists in their own homes so did gather an idea of who they are from seeing their books, their interior decoration etc. If it is so important not to construct this then why do therapists allow clients into their homes?

Don’t doubt yourself looking him up. It’s a safety thing borne of the vigilance women have. It’s expected you’ll be hyper vigilant because it’s a normal reaction to what you’ve been through. But that’s perfectly acceptable to do in this situation anyway. It’s due diligence.

I think he’s a bit daft if he doesn’t get it that you looked him up, that because surely he’s aware of how vigilant women are. So if he does get it, he doesn’t care about your situation.

Does it matter if he doesn’t care? That’s what you need to ask yourself.

You mention single sex spaces. I have wrestled with a few problems related to my campaign on single sex toilets because to expose why mixed sex toilets are bad I have to expose the reasons why they are bad! Does that matter? Yes because in certain circumstances it theoretically could lead to copycat stuff. So I dance about it a bit but the bigger picture is it needs to be said because it’s already happening.

For my campaign I have found it most difficult when women say they don’t care about safety features in design because privacy is more important to them. I find it is those who have had more privileged and healthy lives that find it difficult to understand or don’t care. There was a female judge I had admired who went down in my expectation.

In general, I can now predict the sex of a person who doesn’t want to use the toilet of their sex from how they write about them. Men want to use the women’s not unisex. Women want to use private unisex but may go back to using the women’s depending how unsafe (and unpleasant) they then feel using them. The individual responses in the ‘group’ are easy to distinguish by sex, ironically when they don’t want to be that sex is so important. I want everyone to be safe so I am paying attention to how in pans out in real life with single sex and mixed sex spaces. For anyone to believe sex doesn’t matter it is a ‘luxury belief’.

It reminds me of an Oscar de la Renta quote to women, ‘Walk like you have three men walking behind you’. He means walking confidently, assertively and sexily?

What Oscar didn’t realise is this (picture) is what women are actually doing subconsciously as they are walking…he didn’t get the starting point of being a woman. Looking at women’s responses it’s a range of speeding up, darting into a shop or getting the car keys out between your fingers.

This picture could be an internet search. Men go straight for what they want. Women look at everything around them and balance whether to go ahead if it’s something that feels risky. It’s normal.

Over the years, various overseas aid agencies have said the main barrier to get girls into education is not having single sex toilets. If you build them, girls will and do attend. Why are single sex spaces so important in developing countries but not here?

Anyway I don’t want to derail your thread but wanted you back you up how normal it is for woman to feel strongly about safety and comfort of themselves and others.