Page 12 | My therapist seems politically opposed to my feminist views

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 2025-08-01T17:27:18+00:00

I didn't know where else to post this and could do with a sense check/ideas as to how to deal with this. I've been seeing a therapist for about a year for a range of issues, including substance misuse and recovering from abuse during my childhood and teens (sexual, violence). We've spoken about some really difficult and personal things that I have never discussed before and I have felt that the therapy has been useful. I thought I trusted him and trust is not an easy thing for me. I'm a GC feminist. I'm also a lawyer and so I tend to have a legal lens on some of the debates around issues of trans rights and the rights of women and girls. I have talked in therapy about how I have found the tone of the debate around trans rights increasingly upsetting and hostile (on one side) and I had been upset over the discussion re the Supreme Court and the Equality Act. I've talked about both this and how hard it can be to feel like there's no space for women to express certain views without being dismissed or labelled. My error (I totally accept I shouldn't have looked, but he should have locked down his settings) - I looked and saw a pic on SM of him at a protest. I don't want to out myself or him but he was holding a banner basically slagging off the Supreme Court. And now I feel . . . the trust has gone. Has he been quietly judging me while I shared some frankly painful stuff? Does he respect my perspective? As I don't know if I can work with someone who doesn't. It's not a difference in political views, I feel like my views on these issues are fundamentally part of who I am as a person. I know I crossed a boundary and shouldn't have looked, but would appreciate any thoughts as to whether I am being overly sensitive and/or whether it's something I should bring up. Or maybe I am just wrong to care? Thoughts welcome!

Denimrules · 01/08/2025 22:34

TheLivelyViper · 01/08/2025 22:31

At the end of the day based on therapists opinions and theoretical approaches some argue that you shouldn't tell your client about your political view etc and should it keep it out of the room. Which many others say is impossible because it matters to the client, which has led to more there having the approach that they are more open about their views and their lives (in an appropriate way on social media and only make content they'd be happy for clients to also see inadvertently). For many this shows their views and opinions on therapeutic modality and theories as well as general content but with the caveat that clients can block them and they do give advice on social media. In fact many not gain clients from this. His seems to be a more private account so a little more 'grey area' but many therapists with public accounts most very private things about their lives and details so it depends on him. Though I will say many therapists who do that address it in paperwork from the start and let clients know beforehand, so the fact he didn't is a little weird.

Your therapist has the right to his views and if it's his approach to not hide them, some therapists are even quite vocal about it whether that be on websites or through signs, art (on a range of issues). However it'd also your right to either be okay or not okay with it, you can discuss it but it's unlikely he'll just rescind his position and if it's a deal breaker for you then can stop sessions and find someone else. If it is a deal breaker, I recommend asking questions on issues like this in the intake sessions, so you know from the start and can make an informed choice that way, more therapists are taking the view that their views matter and whilst it won't be the centre of a session, they understand that views on many issues particularly ones pertaining to rights etc have a major impact on the therapeutic relationship.

Some therapists fundamentally disagree with the approach to be open on views etc and believe it shouldn't interfere in sessions so won't be open on their views. Obviously it's up to them, it's not a clear cut issue (as in something 100% unethical, it more depends on individual therapists approach and as long as done within guidelines, is fine with regulating boards). Those therapists would say they leave it out of the therpay room, where the others would say that therpay is political because yes the mental health of person can be improved but sometimes the issues are the policies that person faces - they then say it's then contradictory to support policies harming your client e.g supporting racist policies or restricting a certain groups access to healthcare.

Edited

Absolutely true and it very arguable a lawyer also has to keep quiet on their views in a similar way

TheLivelyViper · 01/08/2025 22:31

At the end of the day based on therapists opinions and theoretical approaches some argue that you shouldn't tell your client about your political view etc and should it keep it out of the room. Which many others say is impossible because it matters to the client, which has led to more there having the approach that they are more open about their views and their lives (in an appropriate way on social media and only make content they'd be happy for clients to also see inadvertently). For many this shows their views and opinions on therapeutic modality and theories as well as general content but with the caveat that clients can block them and they do give advice on social media. In fact many not gain clients from this. His seems to be a more private account so a little more 'grey area' but many therapists with public accounts most very private things about their lives and details so it depends on him. Though I will say many therapists who do that address it in paperwork from the start and let clients know beforehand, so the fact he didn't is a little weird.

Your therapist has the right to his views and if it's his approach to not hide them, some therapists are even quite vocal about it whether that be on websites or through signs, art (on a range of issues). However it'd also your right to either be okay or not okay with it, you can discuss it but it's unlikely he'll just rescind his position and if it's a deal breaker for you then can stop sessions and find someone else. If it is a deal breaker, I recommend asking questions on issues like this in the intake sessions, so you know from the start and can make an informed choice that way, more therapists are taking the view that their views matter and whilst it won't be the centre of a session, they understand that views on many issues particularly ones pertaining to rights etc have a major impact on the therapeutic relationship.

Some therapists fundamentally disagree with the approach to be open on views etc and believe it shouldn't interfere in sessions so won't be open on their views. Obviously it's up to them, it's not a clear cut issue (as in something 100% unethical, it more depends on individual therapists approach and as long as done within guidelines, is fine with regulating boards). Those therapists would say they leave it out of the therpay room, where the others would say that therpay is political because yes the mental health of person can be improved but sometimes the issues are the policies that person faces - they then say it's then contradictory to support policies harming your client e.g supporting racist policies or restricting a certain groups access to healthcare.

Denimrules · 01/08/2025 22:26

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 22:23

Ok, this makes no sense @Denimrules . I didn't snoop because it was public information.

It's a professional relationship, I am his client.

I don't know why you would think I am untrustworthy unless you hate lawyers of course.

I've clarified now.

As a lawyer, have you ever needed to be open minded in relation to the views of your clients. I think your therapist will do the same

Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 22:25

Right you are, thanks for the insight @Denimrules 🙄

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Denimrules · 01/08/2025 22:24

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 22:19

Thank you @MyAmpleSheep
@Denimrules I am confused. Yes I am a lawyer but how are my actions untrustworthy?!

They aren't, I didn't then realise you were just reading a public FB account.

Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 22:23

Ok, this makes no sense @Denimrules . I didn't snoop because it was public information.

It's a professional relationship, I am his client.

I don't know why you would think I am untrustworthy unless you hate lawyers of course.

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Denimrules · 01/08/2025 22:20

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 18:48

@imnotaskingforlunchmeat it was very much his own post on social media (the account is totally unprotected, I have no idea why anyone would have an account so open, let alone a therapist).

Overall, I have had a positive experience to date. I have generally felt heard, but looking back with the info I now have I do think he moved the topic along v quickly when I was talking about these issues.

He doesn't need to hide his views. If he didn't then you perhaps are'nt snooping, just jumping to conclusions

Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 22:19

Thank you @MyAmpleSheep
@Denimrules I am confused. Yes I am a lawyer but how are my actions untrustworthy?!

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Denimrules · 01/08/2025 22:16

RareGoalsVerge · 01/08/2025 18:32

I think if the trust has gone it's gone. I don't think you were wrong to look at the picture you did. I think it's inappropriate for a counsellor to put anything online which declares them as for or against any contentious topic. You don't need your counsellor to be GC but someone who is happy to actively protest against women's rights isn't someone who is trustworthy.

Ahem, the OP is a lawyer and her actions are untrustworthy. The counsellor hasn't shown any bias

MyAmpleSheep · 01/08/2025 22:14

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 21:53

I think I'm going to find a way to bring it up. His reaction will tell me what I need to do.

Remember it's your therapy, not his. You are not engaged in a symmetric relationship. You owe him nothing, so you can just walk away any time you want. Remember you're the boss!

Wolfpinkola · 01/08/2025 22:07

Agree, it would be good and enriching to fold it back into the session if you feel able to. Therapists are often affirming when it comes to gender, as, depending on modality, the client is the expert of their experience not an external person, so most therapists won’t be GC.

Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 22:06

@Radioundermypillow I don't think I want or need a therapist that has GC views, but I do want and need one who respects women's rights and can appreciate some sense of nuance. And is open and curious and willing to learn.

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Radioundermypillow · 01/08/2025 21:59

I think you'll find it hard to find a therapist who openly has GC views tbh.

Bring it up with him! Might be useful in the session.

Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 21:53

I think I'm going to find a way to bring it up. His reaction will tell me what I need to do.

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NoNever · 01/08/2025 20:39

His SM is public, meaning he wants people to see it. You weren’t “snooping” or doing anything underhanded. The idea that you’re supposed to not see something that he himself is hoping the world sees is absurd.

Personally, I’d find another therapist.

Branleuse · 01/08/2025 20:25

I'd change therapist

Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 20:23

@Floisme thank you for this. Definitely no snooping on his phone or anything like that!

It's just an not easy decision for me as I've been seeing him for a year or so, I've made real progress (1 year of no alcohol or smoking) and until I saw this I really felt that I did trust him and had been opening up about things I have never discussed before. I guess I feel invested and attached, for my own sake as opposed to his. It would be painful for me to walk away, but potentially harmful not to.

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Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 20:18

April1625 · 01/08/2025 20:15

Employers look at candidates social media as part of background checks these days, so why wouldn't you check out your therapist's publicly available social media account? I think it's one for him & his therapist "did you want to be found out?" ??

😂I think he's just incompetent with technology/social media, I don't think he wanted to be caught, but that did amuse me. It's amazing how many people have issues sorting these things out.

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Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 20:17

Rhaidimiddim · 01/08/2025 20:14

I agree with this 100%.

If you are relying on someone to guide you, you are not wrong to know where they stand on a pertinent political matter.

He should have declared a conflict of interests long before you looked him up.

Show quote history

@Rhaidimiddim it feels like a much more fundamental issue that extends beyond "just" the political, but perhaps that is in part because of various things that happened when I was younger. It's interesting that you think he should have declared a conflict of interest.

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April1625 · 01/08/2025 20:15

Employers look at candidates social media as part of background checks these days, so why wouldn't you check out your therapist's publicly available social media account? I think it's one for him & his therapist "did you want to be found out?" ??

Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 20:14

@Cassandrasuncapturedcastle thanks, this is a useful perspective.

He has been qualified and registered for 7 years, so reasonably recently.

Thinking about it more while walking the dog just now, it's not so much that I worry that he is judging me, though that remains a small element. It's more about whether I can trust, respect and be really vulnerable with a man who holds these views about women's boundaries and spaces, especially in light of my own past history.

That is the real crux of it. And I think that I will need to bring it up with him, somehow.

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Rhaidimiddim · 01/08/2025 20:14

RareGoalsVerge · 01/08/2025 18:32

I think if the trust has gone it's gone. I don't think you were wrong to look at the picture you did. I think it's inappropriate for a counsellor to put anything online which declares them as for or against any contentious topic. You don't need your counsellor to be GC but someone who is happy to actively protest against women's rights isn't someone who is trustworthy.

I agree with this 100%.

If you are relying on someone to guide you, you are not wrong to know where they stand on a pertinent political matter.

He should have declared a conflict of interests long before you looked him up.

Floisme · 01/08/2025 20:11

Op, I thought at first you'd been snooping on his phone or something.

Doesn't the responsibility for maintaining a professional image on social media lie with your therapist? I don't see why you should feel guilty because he's been careless with his privacy settings.

It sounds like the trust has gone and I don't see any way back from that so, for me, the only issue is whether or not you tell him why you're now looking for another therapist. I don't think you owe him anything. Good luck.

Original poster

idontknowhowtodreamyourdreams · 01/08/2025 20:07

onlytherain · 01/08/2025 19:43

If his social media are public, it’s fair to assume they are meant to share information about therapy or mental health. I’ve looked up all my children’s therapists, that's normal. Keeping private accounts private is everyone's responsibility. You have done nothing wrong.

I would try to bring it up, but I don’t think I could continue with him. He either doesn’t understand, or doesn’t care about, how this conflict affects women and girls, especially the most vulnerable. That alone would make me question his grasp of trauma and its impacts. Or he prioritises trans people over women.

I know therapists who are the "be kind" type, but they just don't know much about the issue and follow the crowd. He on the other hand is actively lobbying against women's rights and safety. It is like a therapist who goes to far right demonstrations while treating ethnic minority clients. The two are incompatible in my view.

@onlytherain that's the thing - it's v obviously not a business/professional social media account. There is nothing about therapy on there. It is personal, some of it . . . very personal. I don't care at all about the rest of it, but it's definitely not for sharing info about therapy etc. I do follow other therapists on platforms who make good use of social media for professional purposes, in a boundaried way. This is not that!

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DworkinWasRight · 01/08/2025 20:03

He sounds very unprofessional, both for going on a demonstration like that and for posting the pic on social media without privacy settings.