What does your partner think?

DH probably wouldn't care if I didn't talk about it. We are of the South park era where transexuals and transvestites were funny so he's mentally still there. Neither of us have social media so I think that means he doesn't really see arguments on either side.

He didn't get all the fuss with toilets until I pointed out that our local pub had gender neutral loos which means we can never let our DD go to the toilet on her own.

DP is firmly GC. I couldn't be with someone who thought human beings could change sex. I would be questioning both their intelligence and their sanity if they spouted such rubbish.

My dh went from bemused, to being peaked by sport, to deciding that the day he was asked to support a girl in wearing a binder, or put a trans-IDing boy in a girls' tent, was the day he resigned as a Scouting Leader.

My DH said no that he ‘wouldn’t shag random women regardless’ but he ‘would snog Hunter Schafer’ and you know what so would I! 😂

My DH is gender critical. I couldn't be with him if he didn't support the rights of women and girls. I just mentioned the subject of this thread to him and he said "well it's all complete bollocks". He's not wrong.

If any of the men in your life say TWAW

ask if they would snog / shag Beth Upton
or Robin Moira White
or Isla Bryson
or Katie Dolatowski
or Lia Thomas
because if any TWAM then all TWAM

If straight men do not accept trans identified men in their dating pool, why not ?

My partner (we have a civil partnership) was a lifelong Labour activist and he left the Labour party because it was at odds with his gender critical stance. He pours all his time into his trade union now. We both campaigned hard in the 80s and 90s for gay and lesbian rights and we had a deal not to get a civil partnership until it was legal for our friends who were gay and lesbian to get married. I include this detail because when T was added to LGB we couldn’t understand what the link was. Our friends became divided over the matter.

He also stopped buying the Guardian. We read the Morning Star now, because at least the Communist Party doesn’t buy into gender identity politics.

Everyone GC in this house. Dh, dd (30 who is diagnosed autistic btw) and ds who is 26.

They do sometimes let me know I go on about it quite a lot. But I follow the news about the issue more than they do.

I think my DH has gone on up the hill a bit recently due to the Sandie Peggie tribunal. Up to now he’s been very much live and let live - agree you can’t change sex but it’s not really a big deal and why am I getting so ranty about it.

I think like others, he’s never really thought of the practicalities of what it’s like to be of the physically smaller and weaker sex, and went a bit quiet when I explained it wasn’t just about walking home in the dark on a quiet road but the constant situational awareness many of us adopt when in public. A running internal commentary on what seat to get on the bus, what level to use in a multi storey car park with a lift, not catching the eye of the shifty guy on the next table in the coffee shop, whether to beep at the arsehole driver who’s just cut me up etc. Which, as I’ve said previously in other threads, doesn’t mean that I’m afraid when I leave the house but that I always have to have my wits about me.

DH is a a bit like MrMrsTerryPratchett in that he’s slightly crusty and was brought up to be an old fashioned gentleman by a conservative mum. He leans left himself and does mean well. Like a lot of people he doesn’t respond well to being lectured at so I’m selective about what I rant about and let him draw his own conclusions. He’s now reading all the newspaper reports on NHS Fife himself and coming to me saying “did you know…?”.

[Gaa. That's not supposed to be a strikethrough. It was set apart with hyphens.]

My DH went from saying that excluding transwomen from women's sport was "throwing people under a bus" to card-carrying GC in the course of a single conversation several years ago.

That’s a bit harsh. Maybe if it was a real situation it might lead to the end of our relationship. Certainly we’d have a lot to hash out and it might be incompatible at that point. But I’m not going to leave him over a hypothetical situation that he probably (I hope) hasn’t even thought through properly.

It's funny (not in a haha way) about this I think he struggles to understand what the fear of sexual assault is like for women that what terrifies men about prison is the fear of sexual assault.

It's also the only situation in which there's enough of it that they, personally, stand a real possibility of it happening to them.

So, it's not so much that they can't understand the fear of sexual assault. It's that thinking of women as people like them never occurs to them.

I would not be with someone who didn't share the same views about this as me.

Thankfully, my DP got it straight away and has been banging the drum with (almost 😉) as much enthusiasm as me.

Yeah, I agree I think.
Trans can be a state of mind and can be respected. I have trans men family and I call them by their new name and if I have to use pronouns it's their preferred one. But they know they're not men. They're transmen. A seperate thing. Not better or worse, but not the same as being the opposite sex.

@Loopinlouie92 I could have written this. I’ve been following the Sandie Peggie ET on tribunal tweets daily and I see my husband roll his eyes a bit when I tell him the latest jaw dropping cock up by NHS Fife. He can’t see why I get so invested as he says it will all be sorted out once more people become aware of the issues. But I don’t see any GC reporting on mainstream media (such as the BBC) about it so how will the public get to know. Very frustrating.

I also don't think anyone should be abused or disadvantaged. The problem is that some of the so-called 'trans rights' advocated for are in fact advantages, and/or disadvantage other groups.
I also think trans people exist in the sense that Christian people or Hindu people exist: in the sense that they believe in the things that you're required to believe in to be a Christian or a Hindu; but not in any other way i.e. I don't believe in a higher being and I don't believe anyone is born in the wrong body.
This is where me and my DP don't agree (I think; actually, I'm not sure if he believes in the wrong-body thing, or just that if someone says they're trans, you should absolutely accept that and call them by the things they want to be called by etc etc).

Where are you seeing this?

I can't say it's my experience.

I don't agree, overall (I can't speak to every single comment on all platforms, obvs). Much of it is firmly in the context of his job, the proportionality of his response considering what SP actually said to him and what actually happened, and the power and status imbalance between him and SP.

Mine (I think) fully believes that you can't change sex and it's delusional to believe you can.

But they accept trans people exist and they shouldn't be abused or disadvantaged. They should acknowledge they aren't the actual opposite sex and never will be.

So same as me really.

You need to apologise to @donkey86 for this, SamiSnail. Particularly "shame on you for staying with him" and "I condemn women who stay with them worse".
What awful, cruel things to say.

You have absolutely no idea of her domestic situation. Women can't just leave their partners at the drop of a hat, especially if they've got kids. She shared her situation on here and all you've done is make her feel worse. I understand that you're furious at him but you shouldn't be targeting your anger at her.

I’ve seen a lot of sneering about Dr Upton crying. To me it is straightforwardly part of the sexist and homophobic landscape that may make men feel that if they have emotions that are inconvenient or if other people think they are ‘weak’, they must not be real men. Given the high completed suicide rates among doctors and among men, it’s certainly understandable that other doctors were keen to support Dr U in that state.

Of course there are other ways to frame this; the class/hierarchy angle is one of the most useful. But lots of comment I’ve seen is not that sophisticated, it’s pretty much just ‘he’s a weakling ho ho’. Quite telling.

DH is probably a little more GC than me, but still very much accepting of everyone. We both have trans friends and relatives, it’s not a big deal in our life.

We live near Wakefield prison where two time rapist Karen White was housed in the women's prison and went on to sexually assault more women so this has been on our radar for a very long time.

Dh is 6'3" and built like a rugby player. I have two sons, also 6ft who towered over me when they were 13. They get the physical difference between our bodies and their female peers. They know that 16 year old boys can beat olympian women in track and swimming and that is why we have female categories in sports.

Everyone in this family believes you cannot change your sex, we stand with JKR and all the other brave women who have endured hate campaigns. Their secondary school was Stonewalled but they still had separate toilets and they just kept their mouths shut but would come home and complain about how crazy it was. All 3 men in this house would never want to use a female toilet given the choice. They think any man choosing to use a female only toilet can only be up to no good. They are aware of subreddits about deliberately intimidating women, following them etc. They were introduced to Magdalen Berns via MN and quote her, "They chop your cock off." I loved that woman.

We are a live and let live, wear a dress, call yourself whatever you want but campaign for a 3rd space. You do not belong in women's' sports, prisons, changing rooms etc. I actually think it was Dh who was talking about this more than me many years ago and I then ventured onto this board to learn from the far more informed women here. I have made sure that my sons are aware of how different it is being female. I believe Taylor Tomlinson did a great joke about getting ready to go out as a woman, the hair and the make up, self defence lessons, mace.