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Gussies Grips' Grandfather. Door to door merkin salesman.

144 replies

lechiffre55 · 09/07/2025 22:04

Popped up on my FB feed.
I'm gonna pretend this is an ancestor of Elaine Miller's.
Fair play he appears to believe in his product enough to wear one himself.

Gussies Grips' Grandfather. Door to door merkin salesman.
OP posts:
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24
ArabellaScott · 12/07/2025 10:31

MON TEH BLACK PUDDINS

quantumbutterfly · 12/07/2025 10:20

DialSquare · 12/07/2025 10:11

No need to worry. We all know it was the waiter who lied. And to a child too.

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I knew I was right about the black puddings. Shame on that waiter.
I'd have a quick tunnocks to calm down but they're a bit sticky in this heat....is it wrong to keep them in the fridge? Or I could find a bit of space between ice cream tubs in the freezer and see if the mallow goes chewy.

Far too warm for a merkin too, unless also chilled in the freezer. Chill your Merkins, you know it makes sense.

DialSquare · 12/07/2025 10:11

quantumbutterfly · 12/07/2025 09:48

Does that also mean there's no such thing as 'Ecky Thump' the Lancashire art of self defence? Is my fear of black pudding unfounded?

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No need to worry. We all know it was the waiter who lied. And to a child too.

inkymoose · 12/07/2025 10:05

quantumbutterfly · 12/07/2025 09:48

Does that also mean there's no such thing as 'Ecky Thump' the Lancashire art of self defence? Is my fear of black pudding unfounded?

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You are absolutely right to be frightened of black pudding. It is far more terrifying than haggis.

quantumbutterfly · 12/07/2025 09:48

DialSquare · 12/07/2025 09:23

Are you saying The Goodies lied?!!!!
How dare you!

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Does that also mean there's no such thing as 'Ecky Thump' the Lancashire art of self defence? Is my fear of black pudding unfounded?

DialSquare · 12/07/2025 09:23

JanesLittleGirl · 11/07/2025 22:50

Sorry, I'm not having this. The source of haggis was explained to me by a perfectly sensible waiter in a posh Edinburgh restaurant when I was 8 years old. He wouldn't have lied to a child would he?

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Are you saying The Goodies lied?!!!!
How dare you!

Boiledbeetle · 12/07/2025 00:32

SidewaysOtter · 11/07/2025 23:35

Erm, @Boiledbeetle, are you sure those are haggises (haggi? not sure about the plural)?

Because I thought they had legs on one side shorter than the other for all that running around hills. Those look remarkably...level. They might be domesticated ones, I suppose, but - call me a purist - the flavour is never as good as the wild-caught ones.

true, it's never quite as gamey tasting.

I think they were used as the bait. Stick the defective young good looking level legged haggis at the bottom of the hill. Set them off in the opposite direction to the ones on the hill and suddenly the wild hill haggis are trying to follow the ones at the bottom, and five minutes later you just scoop them all up at the bottom of the hill.

SidewaysOtter · 11/07/2025 23:35

Erm, @Boiledbeetle, are you sure those are haggises (haggi? not sure about the plural)?

Because I thought they had legs on one side shorter than the other for all that running around hills. Those look remarkably...level. They might be domesticated ones, I suppose, but - call me a purist - the flavour is never as good as the wild-caught ones.

MarieDeGournay · 11/07/2025 22:57

ArabellaScott · 11/07/2025 21:50

Is that not just Scotch Eggs that have been rolled in cat fur? I hate it when that happens.

😂😂😂

JanesLittleGirl · 11/07/2025 22:50

DialSquare · 11/07/2025 18:55

Of course there’s wild haggis. I remember the Goodies going on a haggis hunt.

Sorry, I'm not having this. The source of haggis was explained to me by a perfectly sensible waiter in a posh Edinburgh restaurant when I was 8 years old. He wouldn't have lied to a child would he?

ArabellaScott · 11/07/2025 22:32

They sound terrible. Send me a bag at once to prove it.

ArabellaScott · 11/07/2025 21:50

Is that not just Scotch Eggs that have been rolled in cat fur? I hate it when that happens.

Igneococcus · 11/07/2025 21:42

The Oban Chocolate shop sells haggis eggs, you could just breed from those rather than catching them in the wild.

Boiledbeetle · 11/07/2025 21:37

lechiffre55 · 11/07/2025 19:19

She might want to be sitting down with a covered cup of tea in front of her before she opens it.

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I have news on the merkin grandfather...

Gussies Grips' Grandfather. Door to door merkin salesman.
Original poster
lechiffre55 · 11/07/2025 19:19

Boiledbeetle · 11/07/2025 19:18

I have a message from Elaine regarding this thread about her grandfather...

"I’m now LOCATION REDACTED and have limited signal - can you tell them I’m intrigued and will read it as soon as I get back to civilisation"

She might want to be sitting down with a covered cup of tea in front of her before she opens it.

OP posts:
Boiledbeetle · 11/07/2025 19:18

I have a message from Elaine regarding this thread about her grandfather...

"I’m now LOCATION REDACTED and have limited signal - can you tell them I’m intrigued and will read it as soon as I get back to civilisation"

Boiledbeetle · 11/07/2025 19:15

lechiffre55 · 11/07/2025 19:00

Don't say that! A certain mob will all want one to prove they're not male.
Merkins are going to go through the cotton roof now!
I bet you're a haggis herder trying to MANipulate the merket.

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As if I would be so duplicitous!

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Original poster
lechiffre55 · 11/07/2025 19:00

Boiledbeetle · 11/07/2025 18:54

Haggis fur makes really good merkins too, apparently it's not only water repellent but male of any species repellent.

Don't say that! A certain mob will all want one to prove they're not male.
Merkins are going to go through the cotton roof now!
I bet you're a haggis herder trying to MANipulate the merket.

OP posts:
DialSquare · 11/07/2025 18:55

Of course there’s wild haggis. I remember the Goodies going on a haggis hunt.

Boiledbeetle · 11/07/2025 18:54

Haggis fur makes really good merkins too, apparently it's not only water repellent but male of any species repellent.

Boiledbeetle · 11/07/2025 18:45

lechiffre55 · 11/07/2025 17:55

There is no such thing as a wild haggis.

I beg to differ!

I'm sorry but no. Just no!.

Whilst your are correct, the wild haggis exists, that photo you put up is a forgery.

I have the original in my family photo album.

As you can see the McBoiled women were the wild haggis catchers.

Not some old blokes.

Why do men always insist on airbrushing women out of history,

Gussies Grips' Grandfather. Door to door merkin salesman.
Original poster
lechiffre55 · 11/07/2025 17:55

There is no such thing as a wild haggis.

I beg to differ!

Gussies Grips' Grandfather. Door to door merkin salesman.
OP posts:
JanesLittleGirl · 11/07/2025 17:27

Boiledbeetle · 11/07/2025 16:27

😍

Do the wild Tunnocks live in the field next to the wild haggis hill?

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There is no such thing as a wild haggis. The Scots are lying to you to hide the grisly truth. Haggis is the innards of a wild bagpipes. They kill a bagpipes and pull out all the insides which they mix up with herbs and pearl barley, stuff into a sheep's stomach and boil. This is haggis.

They then make a musical bagpipes from the leftovers. The nose becomes the blow-pipe; the arms and legs are the drones; the chantor is fashioned from the tail and the belly is turned into the bag.

Gussies Grips' Grandfather. Door to door merkin salesman.
ArabellaScott · 11/07/2025 17:10

Pinking shears and sticky tape is about my level of seamstressship.

'seams, I see no seams'

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