Non binary

You may want to be aware that the Diane Ehresaft pointed to by a PP heavily promoted the “false memory” and “satanic abuse” cases of the 80s and 90s.

You could take a look at the podcast Gender, a Wider Lens. They interview lots of people who come at this from many different perspectives.

This, exactly.

It doesn’t mean anything, other than he doesn’t think he fits into the stereotypes of being a boy/man.
Just reassure him that whilst he will always be a boy, he can be absolutely any kind of boy he wants to be. Not all boys have to be into football/rugby/cars.

Its based on regressive, sexist stereotypes of what males and females should like and be like e.g. boys play football and wear blue etc. It's easy for any of us to not fit into these stereotypes on any given day. Explain to him about sexist stereotypes, I'm sure he'll get it. I've been talking to my dc about it since they were about 5 and they understand and can call out sexist attitudes. Every cell in his body is male, he just is, he doesn't need to be or do anything differently. He is enough.

Many - possibly even most - people reject the regressive and harmful gender stereotypes that society likes to impose on male and female people. There is no need for this to become an “identity”. Encourage your child to recognise that very few people totally conform to the stereotypes and it is actively normal to reject them (the stereotypes) but this doesn’t change their sex or turn them into some sort of “third/neutral sex”. We all have unique personalities that are not dictated by our sex and there is no need to box ourselves - or others - into stereotyped labels. It is entirely normal to reject others imposing these on you - which is why so many of us are uncomfortable with the way gender ideology reinforces gender stereotypes rather than breaking them down.

Please take ODP, suggestion with a shovelful of salt. Ehrensaft thinks that a toddler pulling out hair clips, or unpopping a babygrow (proof of them ’making a dress’)is evidence of a non verbal child being trans or non binary. Which is obvious cobblers.

love your kid, say ’ok , that’s nice dear’ and ask him what he wants for supper.

everyone, other than Barbie and GI Joe is ’non binary’, it’s called having a personality.

I wouldn’t necessarily challenge it directly, but don’t indulge it any more than you have to either. Chances are he’ll grow out of it.

It could be that he thinks that the only way to be a man is to be confident, aggressive, muscular, and violent. If that doesn't feel right to him, then "non binary" can be a way of opting out of those expectations.

He may also be uncomfortable about the changes his body is going through and worried that others will start perceiving him as a physical threat. Again, a non-binary identity can be a way of trying to remain unthreatening.

Does he have a variety of male role models in his life? Both public figures and also men he interacts with regularly.

I'd encourage him to think about the kind of man he wants to be and to find examples of men like that who he admires. It's great that he's talking to you; keep that conversation going!

It doesn’t mean anything. It’s based on sexist stereotypes, and it’s a popular label when people feel they don’t “fit” in some way. Everyone who has ever lived is “non binary” as people aren’t “binary”. No one is fully a walking embodiment of all the sex role stereotypes for our sex.

Non binary people are people who just do not fit into either of the two binary sexes, neither of them matches, or "feels" like them. Like any issues with sex and gender, it's pretty hard to understand if you are not affected by it, because when you never had those doubts, it's like trying to explain to describe color to someone who was born blind - to use a hasty example.

And the best thing you can do as a parent is to let them take the lead and be supportive. If they will want some help with a place to unpack it, help them find meetups of similarly minded people, therapy can also go far - group or solo. But the key for you is to be open minded and accepting, including of the fact that this will be something you will struggle to wrap your head around for a long while, even with the best of effort as it's just an issue you likely cannot even comprehend someone having. In the end most people are cis, and they never spent a second of their life seriously questioning it.

If you want a deeper dive, I can recommend two books: "The Transgender Child" by Stephanie Brill, and "The Gender Creative Child" by Diane Ehresaft, which speak directly of those issues from a parental perspective. Granted Non binary does not always fall under the transgender umbrella, down to individual, but the experiences in that book are very appliable.

And as final note, you are clearly doing something right, as the kid felt they can trust you with something so serious - many hide away, fearing a bad reaction from a parent, so keep going, accept, support and love your child.