Non binary

Who has said that?

There is actually a sentiment that is detrimental to safeguarding that says ‘children know their own mind and parents should only listen and learn’ around particular issues. Two of those issues are based in queer theory.

I think anyone giving the kind of advice which advises parents unquestioningly consider their child’s views about themselves needs to really think about what they might unintentionally be supporting. And that it might undermine parental safeguarding efforts.

OP's child is not 'crazy'. OP's child is 12.

Children are not able to understand a situation entirely, because they're children. This is what parenting is for.

Nope, not one post has said that. 🤯

mumsnet probably wont be the best place for advice on this situation. just loads of people telling you your child is crazy. to learn more id suggest asking your DC as they are the only one who understands their situation entirely

It's very normal for children of this age to try on different identities as they figure out who they are. Some will persist, most won't.

In this instance it seems it would probably not have occurred to him had it not been for his friend.

I would say something like "whoever you are is fine with me" - as it seems you have done -and leave it at that. Don't encourage or discourage. It is highly likely it will soon be forgotten about.

As others have said Aida P is a man who does not understand child development or safeguarding. Ignore his advice.

The thing is, it is not just that particular poster. There are others too.

Before you listen to AidaP I suggest you have a browse through this thread at his replies, and make your own mind up as to whether he should be advising anyone about parenting or anything involving children.

Non binary is a nonsense that relies purely on the fact that gender stereotypes are more rigidly adhered to, to the point where many young people feel they cannot express themselves freely without identifying into this harmful ideology.

As others have said please be wary of AidaP’s advice - no parent wants their 12 yo exposed to kink.

Yes to accept and move on. Keep a wary eye out. A few years ago this used to lead to friendship groups saying they were trans. Transgender Trend https://www.transgendertrend.com/ have some great resources. Hopefully it won’t happen with your DS.

Best advice always is to focus on your relationship as you already do and do lots of fun stuff that is nothing to do with NB. Good luck 🤞

Diane Ehresaft has said at conferences that she believes that boy babies that unsnap their onsies to free their legs are making ‘dresses’ and showing parents they are really girls. And that toddler girls that pull out hair barettes are showing parents that they are boys. This is incredibly harmful and negligent . So any book by this author needs to be viewed with this in mind.

I remember reading about that.

What utter, unmitigated horseshit.

How have these nut jobs convinced anyone to take them seriously? The stupidity is off the charts.

I think that a parent probably should get their head around what gender identity theory is. Because it is likely they will come across this more and more as their child gets older. If they don’t know anything about what is happening, it might be helpful to at least get basic knowledge.

They might also be less likely to take poor advice from highly invested people and groups too.

Here is Diane Ehrensaft describing the signs of children with gender identities. This is very disturbing. Because some children, especially those who might be ASD, could be doing this. Girls simply might hate having something in their hair. They might hate that sensation. So too children in onsies. They might find them tight, they might hate the texture, or…. they might like unsnapping their onsies because it is fun.

This person is speaking from a deep ideological position not from a position of giving a balanced diagnosis.

Seriously, any person should be very careful recommending a book written by this person. Or, it might show that person’s own ideological beliefs.

Good article here on non-binary:

https://lilymaynard.com/non-binary-just-like-everyone-else/

I agree, I'd also say don't do any research because in an effort to support your son, you could unintentionally make this a bigger thing than it is. Just watch and wait, if he's gets more into then find out more about it, but follow at a pace that he sets, it could be just ' a phase' all kids go through many of them, that's what childhood is for.

He’s 12 and his friend is non-binary? - it’s a phase, if his friend was massively into wrestling he’d have come and asked you if he could watch wrestling instead. Ignore it and he will move on.

'help them find meetups of similarly minded people,'

Please don't do this OP.

Some of these people would not have good intentions towards your son.

I'd stick to 'that's nice dear' and give it no airtime.

The vast, vast majority of people are 'non binary' when it comes to gender stereotypes. There is no 'right' way to be a boy - make sure you reinforce that for your son.

With regards to seeking advice and support groups, on this board we have a few male posters who say they are female people who are very quick to give parents advice. At least one has told us that they are in roles in support groups where they provide advice to young people on being trans.

What has become apparent over their posting history is that these particular posters have no knowledge of how safeguarding for children and vulnerable young people work. They cannot recognise where adults should have boundaries around children, they don’t understand safeguarding children and they have written posts that shine bright lights on their lack of understanding about consent.

Please be very careful about advice given by people who show such lapses in safeguarding and consent.

We have also seen recently convictions and allegations about people from such support groups / lobby groups for horrendous abuse or lapses in safeguarding.

Stephen Ireland, recently convicted is one in a group from Surry. Mermaids had Jacob Breslow as a trustee, there are threads on MN about Breslow. Mermaids also had a man who worked for them who did porn.

I can recommend Bayswater Support as the first place to seek support. It is for parents and it will have plenty of advice.

Chances are its something they've been offered as an option.
My niece was the same pre puberty, we kept finding. lists round the house , was she a girl ,a boy ,gay, queer. We said nothing just watched and waited, talked about it in general terms but not directly.
And then puberty hit, and what ever her sexuality she's definitely a woman. Non binary flew out the window. She's 20 and thriving.

Yep.

He sounds like a nice kid, OP. Its a pretty meaningless label, that he probably will move on from in due course.

(Most people would qualify as 'no binary' on the face of it.)

My only concern would be if he gets involved with any activists who may try to suggest there's anything wrong with his healthy body, or tell him that people won't accept him for being 'non binary'. Some groomers use these identities as a way to access vulnerable children . But as he's just 12 you'd be on the lookout for that anyway.

Especially ones who just told everyone on a different thread that they introduced their kids to bondage and kink and all is well.

When Kids Say They're Trans by Stella O'Malley would be what I would turn to here:
www.amazon.co.uk/When-Kids-Say-Theyre-Trans-ebook/dp/B0C5Q276C2

He is 12 and just doing what he things he has to do to be friends with someone.

OP

I would be highly wary of taking advice from some posters who say to you that you should encourage children to go to meet ups with like minded people.

There are some posters, one already on this thread, who cannot recognise safeguarding failures when they see them. Even for their own children.

And if you read books, please look at every book recommendation with an eye to whether those books are appropriate. Check out the authors carefully and read even the adverse reviews.

Diane Ehresaft has said at conferences that she believes that boy babies that unsnap their onsies to free their legs are making ‘dresses’ and showing parents they are really girls. And that toddler girls that pull out hair barettes are showing parents that they are boys. This is incredibly harmful and negligent . So any book by this author needs to be viewed with this in mind.