Help me argue that What it Feels Like For a Girl doesn't prove terfs are wrong

For me there are two important questions here.

1. What is a woman?
2. What does it feel like to have gender dysphoria?

It is important to understand that these are two entirely separate questions.

So let's be charitable and assume that all trans identifying people really do feel incredibly strongly that they should have been born the opposite sex, and that how they feel inside is how it feels to be the opposite sex. (They cannot, of course, actually know how it feels to be the opposite sex, or indeed how it feels to be any person other than themselves.) Let's assume that being in their sexed body causes them acute emotional distress every day of their existence, and that the only thing that makes them feel even a little bit better is people accepting them as a member of the sex they wish to belong to.

Even if all of that were true, for all trans people, it still wouldn't change what a woman is.

My existence, my reality and my lived experience as a woman is not conditional on how trans people feel. Women would be women, whether or not there were any trans people in the world.

And even if being female and not having gender dysphoria were an identity, which I dispute, it would not be the same identity as being male and having gender dysphoria.

So whilst I understand that not being accepted and included as a member of the opposite sex night make trans people feel very sad, I still believe that female people exist as a distinct class of people, that we need a word for that group, and that that group need some sex based rights. I could talk to a thousand trans people and they could all be lovely, and so, so sad, and it would not change my opinion about that even one iota.

Womanhood isn't a 6 year old's birthday party, where you have to include everyone otherwise the person who gets left out will be really sad. It's an important concept in its own right, grounded in material reality, and our ability to discuss it and organise ourselves on the basis of it should not be curtailed or hampered because another group of people are unhappy about it.

Yes to all this! (Except I think you mean Paris Lees, not Paris Hilton.)

I haven't read the book or seen the film, so I don't know the details of this particular story. But if Paris Hilton was born physically male, we are up against the same problem as ever :
If it's not about the sex of their body, the "girl" part can only consist of feelings and thoughts and/or possibly some neurological quirk which we can't identify and confirm yet. In other words, something presently invisible to others.
By the same token, unless Paris Hilton is psychic, or privy to some advanced medical technique the rest of science doesn't know, the invisible thoughts, feelings and neurology of others are a closed book to PH, including those of people who are indisputably female.
So why and on what evidence does Paris Hilton identify what is going on inside themself as actually "girl" rather than as "young man who doesn't confirm to male social stereotypes"? Does PH explain this? If not, how does your friend explain this?

Eh? Everybody since time immemorial has been born with the body they are born with. There’s no wrong or right.

I haven't read the book or seen the film, so I don't know the details of this particular story. But if Paris Hilton was born physically male, we are up against the same problem as ever :
If it's not about the sex of their body, the "girl" part can only consist of feelings and thoughts and/or possibly some neurological quirk which we can't identify and confirm yet. In other words, something presently invisible to others.
By the same token, unless Paris Hilton is psychic, or privy to some advanced medical technique the rest of science doesn't know, the invisible thoughts, feelings and neurology of others are a closed book to PH, including those of people who are indisputably female.
So why and on what evidence does Paris Hilton identify what is going on inside themself as actually "girl" rather than as "young man who doesn't confirm to male social stereotypes"? Does PH explain this? If not, how does your friend explain this?

Incorrect, house of parliament made it clear that transgender people in there can continue to use bathrooms as they see fit, explaining that so far law on use of toilets is not as clear as some try to make it. You can read it as it was public through MP interpolation.

But again, if you don't want to see, you won't. This is the difference between seeking validation - find what you like and move on - and actual research where you double and triple check everything, including bits you like.

And even if the law was as you dream of, which so far it isn't, this is civil law, not criminal. That means you cannot then decide to take matters into your own hands and harass another person, that actually makes you a criminal, and yep, MET was notified of the incident and is investigating.

You didn't see a transgender barrister being followed and harassed at parliament bathroom by 2 transphobic activists two week ago?

No one is as blind as the one who refuses to see... Or warped their views to the point where behaving like that is perfectly fine and acceptable because the victim is in minority you do not like.

What do YOU got that proves her wrong?

My long held position of why terfs are so militant in their views is that on the opposite of them is start realisation that they harassed, tortured, marginalized, dehumanized, bullied and tormented people who are going through A LOT, and did all of it for absolutely no tangible gain; simply driven by unrealistic and unreasonable fears (and they have no basis in reality, yes singular incidents CAN happen, but that's no basis for policy making). No better than any other type of bigotry like racism.

To give a practiced example is the often thrown around criminality pattern. The whole thing originated from 1 page written by non-scientist as "summary" of a study. Since then author of the actual study that was surmised came out and debunked the summary, and stated clearly that the summary is not backed up by the study and that it's misrepresenting the work.

And having to face up to this reality is just too much to handle, which is why trying to argue away from this mentality is so problematic and will not be done with facts as you are dealing with deeply rooted feelings. Same as was successfully done in cases of other bigotries.

And now cue in tons of people quoting it and airing out their fears based on nothing resembling reality and in the process completely doing the things I said to trans people at large, because... Yeah, it's a hard thing to accept that you may be the baddie.

She has no idea of the complexity or reality of the situation and thinks trans people are vulnerable souls who probably have some genetic or neurological predisposition that leaves them feeling that they are in the wrong bodies.

That's fine for her to think that, no arguments there. But they ARE in the wrong bodies and therefore cannot use the single sex spaces provided for the sex they want to be rather than the one they are.

It's tough but it's just one of life's difficulties that they are going to have to manage. The same way that people born with disabilities have to manage their condition in their everyday lives. It's not fair but it is what it is.

Reports of the incident and its aftermath are rather different from your version of events. (And note there are gender neutral toilets available.) This is from The Times:
^^
In an email sent to Harris and Binning on Thursday afternoon, a senior staff member in the House of Commons wrote: “You noted that an individual, understood to be biologically male, had seemingly been directed to the female facilities … At this point you made it clear that you were uncomfortable, left the facilities, and reported the matter to members of my team.
^^
We acknowledge that it is likely the individual you complained about should have not been directed to the female facilities and we apologise for that.”

You didn't see a transgender barrister being followed and harassed at parliament bathroom by 2 transphobic activists two week ago?

No one is as blind as the one who refuses to see... Or warped their views to the point where behaving like that is perfectly fine and acceptable because the victim is in minority you do not like.

You didn't see a transgender barrister being followed and harassed at parliament bathroom by 2 transphobic activists two week ago?

No one is as blind as the one who refuses to see... Or warped their views to the point where behaving like that is perfectly fine and acceptable because the victim is in minority you do not like.