Living as a woman

I explained to my DH the other day that as a woman the experiences I have when out & about are marginally worse than his.

Example: I visited a local cafe a couple of weeks ago with my DC who is in a wheelchair. I was queuing to be served but the server started serving the group behind me until I reminded them I was standing there.

The cafe was very empty at the time and DC wanted to explore, so wheeled himself around. Cue several requests for me to move him out of the way (he has learning difficulties).....I get it can be difficult for serving staff as the place was quite small, but it really wasn't a sit down type place as there are products on sale for people to browse and buy etc. And unfortunately a wheelchair is quite cumbersome and I can't magic it smaller.

We had visited a few weeks earlier though when DH was with us. Then it was a different story....fast friendly service, happy for DS to browse despite it being busier, they couldn't do enough for us. I put the difference in treatment down to DH being there, but he disagrees with me though. What do you think?

@Dandelionsarefree I hope some squirming goes on!

Our CEO is female. She is a real role model, I deeply admire her.

She has a PA, who happens to be male.
I don't know how many times I noticed when meeting external stakeholders they all go directly shaking hand with him and not addressing her at all.
At some point their face change when someone introduces her.

Not making this up.

Walking home, checking behind you, keeping keys in your hand and debating with yourself the safest route. not wearing headphones, texting friends to say you’re home safe.

The responsibility to care for your elderly or unwell parents. The expectation to remember all the birthdays. Life admin particularly as a mother is on you.

Suffering 3 miscarriages, feeling isolated because no one could share the physical or emotional pain.

Having endo pain my whole life and being dismissed for over 30 years as 'complaining about nature' until my bowel fused with my uterus

Having smears/internals whilst infections were rife, causing the worst pain

Having a (benign) tumour and needing my ovary removed

Being physically assaulted because I'm tiny and have no power to fight back

Being promoted to Director when 7 months pregnant because my bosses wanted to celebrate how much I brought to the business, despite being the first employee to insist on WFH 19 years ago because I wanted a career and to bring up my DC and I proved it could be done so paved the way for other women (and men) to do the same.

There are many more positives too, but when I'm challenged on my views as to why protecting females spaces (physical and administrative) are important, these are the things that spring to mind

❤️

Having a uterine biopsy without any anaesthetic, and not even a sedative.
Blocked duct when breastfeeding.
Having to sit down in the queue at the supermarket because my period pains were so bad.
Getting sexually assaulted at about 14. And again at 15. And again at 17. And again in my late 30s. I told that one that if he laid another hand on me, I'd knee him in the balls. I just count my blessing that none of them was serious, and that I was emotionally robust enough to shrug them off - but they did make me cautious.
Having my father tell me, when I was my teens, that women were incapable of reaching the pinnacle of any activity (he was an utter arse).
I could go on.

Having a man say, 'Jolly good parking - for a lady' was light relief by comparison.

Edited for typo.

When I was 12 this man - in his 20s - put his hand on my thigh. All the adults in the carriage stared out the window. I hit him with my umbrella and he got off at the next stop.

Another time I came round the corner late at night to see this guy wanking right in front of me. I screamed my head off and he slithered off with his trousers round his ankles calling me a fucking bitch.

Curbed crawled late at night by this guy looking for 'directions' . Pointed out he could ask at the police station 50 yards away. He drove off sharpish.

Had an ancient bloke just put his hand up my skirt and grope me in Spain. Speechless at that one.

Being gropped by my sisters much older boyfriend when we all had to share a bed and he laughed in my face when I pushed his hands away (up to then I thought he was accidentally doing it in his sleep!

Oh blimey, yes!

I met a distinguished female surgeon who experienced exactly the same with patients addressing her newly qualified male doctors rather than her even when she began the assessment/asked the questions.

As a woman reading this thread, finding myself getting some awful flashbacks and memories of so many other things I could be writing...

Thank you and 💓 to all the women telling fragments of their life-stories here.

As a 20 year old woman, I discovered that my job interview at a firm in the City would be one-to-one with the prospective manager. I'd done my homework and thought I'd got through it ok but then, right at the end, he hinted very obviously that the job was mine if I'd sleep with him.

Hearing, in 1975, when I (unmarried) went to open my first bank account, that married women would no longer have to get permission from their husbands to open an account in their own name.

As a now-retired woman, walking to our flats' hidden, communal bin stores late at night (because I'd forgotten to put the recycling out for the morning - again) with my keys arranged in my hand just in case. Texting my son beforehand to say I'd text him again when I got back indoors. This was last week, and happens a lot in different situations. I have to go to our storage unit out of hours some time over the weekend and the place will be almost deserted, so more keys (and texting). I hate this feeling.

Running a small business with my husband and every time I gave an instruction to a male employee, they would “ Just run it by John first “.

When people asked socially what my job was and I explained, they would say
“ Oh that’s nice, do you help John out in the office, answering the phones and doing the admin ? “ ( no we owned both owned a technical company, 50:50).

When meeting new clients , they would always address me as Octavia and my husband as Dr Jones. Often they walked past me to greet him and shake his hand , then when he would say “ This is Octavia Smith, my fellow director” they would just say “ Hello “ or even nod at me, then look slightly shamefaced when I would go to shake their hand. ( This is in a white British culture BTW).

At industry and technical events, we were often introduced as “ This is Dr John Jones, the owner and founder of XYZ Company and his wife “. Often I didn’t even get a name. Never as “ Dr Octavia Smith and Dr John Jones, owners “.
I can’t imagine anyone saying “ This is Dr Octavia Smith, owner and founder of XYZ company and her husband “.

I usually interviewed for new staff with my HR Director ( female ) and one of our technical staff ( usually male ). Even though I was chairing the panel AND I’m on the company website as a director AND I introduced everyone with name and job title at the start, almost all candidates addressed their answers to the sole male interviewer, regardless of who asked the question.

These types of things happened almost every day at work.

Your male entitlement is no match for my menopausal rage.

Now, there's a T shirt slogan.

I've been crying reading this thread but also smiling at the joyful stories. It angers me that all our experiences of womanhood (both positive and negative) and the reality of being female can be redefined and therefore minimised by men. We on this thread are all 'woman born, not man made'.

Sending love to everyone 💓 💐

Being groped for the first time at a school party age 11. Just felt really confused - why would anyone want to harm and scare a little girl like me?

Having severely painful & debilitating periods from early teens to the point of vomiting/fainting and having to deal with them at school or out & about. Being expected to carry on as usual because 'periods are natural, every other girl has them and you're not ill'. Felt guilty for making a fuss.

Routine harassment for which I was apparently to blame because 'it's the way you dress/wear makeup' etc. Felt guilty despite knowing this was nonsense.

Having to give myself fertility injections in the sick room at work.

Recovering from an emergency CS following pre-eclampsia, having to try to produce milk with a breast pump while my premature DS was fighting for his life in an incubator, knowing he might never need the milk (never did manage it - still feel guilty about it to this day).

I had almost forgotten...

Arriving late for an antenatal appointment and with no urine sample because I had poured it over my overheating car engine.

It's trivial, but...

Remembering to pee on a pregnancy test in the morning before going to the doctor who might order some x-rays.

Discovering I was having a miscarriage in the toilet at work, then having to clean up as best I could and return to a classroom to teach. Also very female of me, was the fact I wasn't actually a teacher but a very overworked and underpaid TA who was - completely without preparation or experience - covering that day for the class teacher who had gone home sick first thing that morning, because the headteacher (male) didn't want to pay an agency teacher.

I was also very much "living as a woman" the times I was sexually assaulted as a teen.

On my bike in the cycle lane, stopped at the lights, male cyclist pulls along side next to me on the outside, just assuming that he is going to be faster than me and overtake when the lights turn green. Happens regularly, always men, never women.

Yeah well Fuck you! Your male entitlement is no match for my menopausal rage. I should really get one of those bike mirrors so I can see their disappointed faces behind me 😂

Why isn't there a Colin or a Kevin equivalent?

There's Brian, according to my daughter. "He probably lives in a cul-de-sac." 😂

Period diarrhoea

🌺🌺

Seeing your dead foetus on an ultrasound. Having a miscarriage whilst being talked down to at the Job Centre.

Having my first bra pinged at secondary school for the lols.

Having whole conversations with men, but never making eye contact with them as they spent the whole time staring at my tits.

Being charged three times the actual cost of a part at a garage (Yes, Halfords, I’m looking at you!) because I’m a women and don’t understand such things.

Talking to my husband (and ignoring me) when I was buying a new car.

Having groups of students blatantly ignore anything I said, because I was their female teacher and they didn’t respect women.

This one is not me personally, but being slut shamed for who you date / sleep with, whilst he’s only ever a stud.

Being shut down as a Karen for having legitimate complaints or a different opinion. Why isn’t there a Colin or a Kevin equivalent?

Breastfeeding a sleepless baby in the middle of the night and lying there in the darkness thinking of all the other women elsewhere in the world who were also feeding their babies at the same time and sending my love to them. And then my baby would fall asleep and so would I, only to be woken half-an-hour, or an hour, or two hours later for more feeding, repeating the cycle again and again until dawn when I'd reach for a bottle to express more milk before I had to go to work.