Living as a woman

To what extent does sex play a role in processing experiences that are not directly related to sex? There are significant within sex differences as well as between sex differences in personality traits, life experiences and interests/ preferences.

I regularly attribute experiences as arising from sexism and/or misogyny, which is agreed with or disputed by both males and females. My feminist lens influences how I experience the world, just as ‘trad wife’ views influences others.

I think it’s difficult to categorically attribute differences to sex where sexed bodies are not a definitive factor.

Growing up poor and not being able to afford to buy sanitary products. Having to roll up a load of toilet paper and wedge it in your knickers because what else can you do 🤷‍♀️

No man will ever experience this, even the ones that are deluded enough to think themselves “biological” women 🙄

In reality though everything I do is “living as a woman”. I can be the most masculine looking woman going, doing the most stereotypically masculine things, and it will still be Womanly, because I’m female and a living breathing adult, and that is all that is required.

Finding lost things is one of my life-long super powers and something DH is hopeless at. He'll stand right in front of the 'lost' thing asking 'Where is x?' which is so frustrating.

Being asked by my father "You're a girl, don't you like seeing the house all clean and tidy", when I wanted to know why my brother didn't have to help with household chores.

Being told by a manager "It doesn't matter if you are not clever, because you are pretty". I have multiple science-based degrees.

Being told by an aunt after my mother's death "You will have to look after the family now". All my siblings were adults at this point!

Prolapsed uterus, and the impact on my bladder.

Being made to feel guilty by my (now long time ex-) partner for failing to conceive - and then when I did, blame me for the sex of the resulting baby.

The joy of giving birth to beautiful children.

The relief of the end of periods when menopausal.

Having the ability to magically find things lost by my two sons (have never known a member of the male sex to have that ability :))

Does it matter though?

A male person can experience the exact same experience, yet will only ever experience it as a male person, processing the experience from the perspective of a male person with a male body. Never as a female person with a female body.

Even if a male person has elected to make extreme body modifications to their body, their experiences are only ever within the male range of experiences. Never a female experience.

So, what does it matter if both sexes experience the same event, the impact on the female person will be unique in many ways compared to the male experience.

'Being perceived as being female' is an interesting point, RunningforSam - the EA2010 covers 'Discrimination by perception', discriminating against someone because they are perceived as having protected characteristics, even if in fact they don't.

For example, a heterosexual woman who was once 'jokingly' referred to as a dyke in her workplace was so upset 'she excluded herself from office talk and would cry down the phone to her husband.'
The company said it was 'banter'. She left her job and sued for unfair dismissal and harassment related to sexual orientation - an example of 'discrimination by perception' because she is not in fact a lesbian.

She was awarded £15,406 compensation, £2,000 of that being for injury to feelings.

The judge was .....Alexander Kemp.
Woman who quit job after being called a 'd*ke' wins more than £15,000 | News UK | Metro News

Many of the things may be 'possible for both sexes' but are they equally likely to happen to both sexes?
Both sexes can become parents but it doesn't seem to impact the hiring of men the way it does women.

Perhaps you could give us some examples that have been used that that 'might' happen to the poor menz too.

Periods, ivf, pregnancy, birth, endometriosis and now menopause. It’s bloody relentless.

This is an interesting thread.

As I read along, I was categorising the experiences as (1) possible only for those with female bodies (2) arising from being perceived to be female, whether or not this is the case (3) possible for both sexes.

Oh god yes, being told to get my coil fitted ASAP, because my partner was having an emotional affair when our second baby was 3 months old….

Having to wear skirts to school as trousers were not allowed for girls until I was in sixth form and out of uniform. One of the girls I knew a few years below being put in isolation for wearing the wrong brand of trousers (there was a very specific list of allowed trousers. The boys did not have the same restrictions). Having to climb various open staircases with boys trying to look up your skirt.

Being given a free rape alarm at university.

Being told to walk home with keys between your fingers in case someone attacks you.

Being very aware of footsteps behind you when you’re walking alone.

Being told you’re frumpy if you don’t wear miniskirts, but you’re asking for it if you do.

Medical professionals having no interest in extremely heavy or wildly irregular periods unless you’re TTC (at which point they’ll investigate as it’s now impacting a man’s life too).

I know it’s old, but it’s still informative that a group of women discussing exclusively female experiences is somehow ‘mean’. I doubt eg Men In Sheds get called mean and exclusionary - so there’s another female experience!

Getting touched up in the corridor at school (age 12-13). I turned around and slapped the boy who did it before realising a (female) teacher was walking the other way. She just gave me a nod of approval and moved on……

Being violently raped and sexually assaulted.

Not being allowed to wear trousers to school, it had to be a skirt.

Being the default parent.

Needing to be super knowledgable about cars & DIY etc, when discussing things with mechanics or workmen because otherwise they assume you know nothing and will patronise or even try to rip you off.

Just being patronised or belittled in general because you’re just a woman.

Never knowing if someone male (even if they are not single) is talking to you because they actually enjoy your company or if they are really just hoping for a shag.

It's similar for me but not in the same way. I've always found making friends difficult, so have never had many of them. I also find being in groups exhausting and, after a short time, often can't get away fast enough. Fortunately DH is the same and we've run away from many parties over the years.

Saying that, I've been close to enough women to find that getting to know each other has a pleasure to it that I've never experienced with a man. The trust, openness and easy friendliness is a real joy. Even within a short space of time, you somehow transmit a vast amount of information between you, sometimes so intensely that the whirring of cogs is almost audible. Do men experience this? I have no idea.

I don't. I suspect that it's because my autistic brain doesn't know how to deal with others well enough to maintain a friendship. Plus, social interactions are exhausting.

You make a good point, @MarieDeGournay

I've become very aware over the years - particularly the last one - that women have social support networks, and deep friendships, that most men (IME) just don't seem to have. We can get together and talk about issues in our lives and offer help and suggestions, and prop each other up. The men I know don't seem to do this.

Aspects of being female are undoubtedly shitty, but female friendships are something very special.

I'm not at all denying all the negative and often distressing examples given in other posts, I'd just like to say positive things about living as a woman, which men can never do - my example was being a lesbian.

I've expanded that thought to living as a woman in the sense of just being a woman to other women: getting into a lift where there is a woman and knowing that she won't feel threatened; understanding when a colleague is feeling rotten because of her period; knowing why a mother has to prioritise her child over everything; relaxing when you see that the only people on the late night train are women..

There are positive aspects of 'living as a woman' that men can never do, and never experience.

Witnessing ageing relatives make sexist and fatphobic comments towards women on TV.

Never make similar remarks about the men though, do they?

Some women are X0 (Turner). Some women are XX/XY chimeras (fused twins) with the female cells making up the gonads.

All women have partially- or fully-developed Mullerian ducts and atrophied Wolffian ducts.

When I broke my elbow and wrist a male doctor held my wrist down to stop me moving while they drilled screws into my elbow. I cried out in pain and said my wrist was also broken. He did not believe me until a more senior male doctor told him I was right and to stop pulling my wrist. Still not sure why I could not have pain relief before all this anyway!

Having my GP surgery send me a questionnaire requiring blood pressure readings in order to justify continuing prescriptions of HRT — three days before Christmas FFS!

Hosting Christmas dinner and Boxing Day again when you have a severe cold possibly the flu to then have the man who gave you the germs and is basically over it claiming they so very poorly like they genuinely believe this is a competition they must win.

Living as a woman for me has involved having women at the centre of my emotional life, wonderful, passionate, capable, witty, desirable women who brought joy to my heart - and sometimes broke it, but that's OK

I loved them for who they were, but I was attracted to them in the first place because they were women like me, the sine qua non of being a lesbian.