Trans sibling in law

Show me the valid points.

Oh goodness was that why? I guess my post is about to be deleted too then. There was a newspaper article recently. I’ll find the link.

It doesn’t matter what their reason is for presenting as female, biological men are men. Transwomen are men. Cross-dressing men are men. The Supreme Court was very clear on this.

As for your accusations of transphobia, feel free to report that if you see it and the mods will remove it. But reality isn’t transphobic, it just IS, whether you like it or not.

A trans woman. Come on, let’s derail the whole thing yet again. Bite bite.

Her arguments were the most cohesive I’ve seen here. She doesn’t need to “stick around” to continue wasting even more of her time. I don’t think she enjoyed the opportunity to “scold” people, I think she was just making a few valid points. You, however. What’s your point here? Just weighing in to scold her back?

I think in this situation I would try hard to remain outwardly as neutral as possible. I hold sex realist beliefs but I wouldn’t want to get in to an altercation with family members over it.

I would just use a name instead of pro nouns and try and avoid all discussions on the subject. Neither confirm nor deny would be my strategy, hopefully that way both people’s beliefs can be respected.

so what are they then?

Indeed.

I'd like to know why @ThejoyofNC post was deleted. It is right to say that a lot of Autistic people are caught up in this and it is actually very worrying.

Yes OP you must actually believe.

Taking part in the 2 Minute Hate isn’t nearly enough- O’Brien here will see your sin before you do yourself.

Other than she is obviously a young woman for whom you wish the best, my response to the ‘threat’ of being excluded from her life would be “Do you promise?”.

OP, your primary focus should be your DH, (sorry trans person, it is not all about you). You can be supportive of her, but primarily be supportive of him. Give him the space to know that all of his feelings are OK.

Honestly. Every day on this “feminism” board there’s a rage about this. A trans woman is not a cross dressing man. So utterly ignorant.

But I am not here to educate transphobia central, just offering help to OP who seems to genuinely want to help and learn. So... Bye, keep arguing against DSM, Human Rights, UK law and everything else.

So, you are really really really supportive of transpeople but not supportive enough to stick around and construct a cohesive argument. You'd just quite enjoyed the opportunity to scold people. Lame.

Genuinely, how do you think this is helpful?

She isn’t a man - she has XX chromosomes, presumably ovaries (or at least a place where they should be), periods, a vagina, can give birth etc Every cell of her body, whether she likes it or not, is female.

She is a very troubled woman with autism who needs help.

There is growing evidence that it is almost entirely ND young women who believe themselves to be trans. Presumably because they assume that will fix all their problems.

But of course it won’t. Because even if her nearest and dearest decide the best thing they can do for her is play along. I won’t. And there are millions of people like me. And we have children. And we’re telling them sexist immutable too.

this social contagion is reaching its end.

misgendering (if you were to call her him) is a false kindness, a lie disguised as a virtue, and the absolute crux of the problem.

You may wish to educate yourself on UK law, given the Supreme Court has been very clear on this.

You can actually be supportive of how someone identifies, and still believe that it's impossible to change biological sex.

If my BIL turned around and asked me to call him a her, said he was no longer John but Joanne, fine, I can accept that. She is Joanne.

If he turned around and told me he'd changed his biological sex, and was now a woman a d would be joining me in the changing rooms at the local gym, I'd ask him to explain to me how he'd managed to achieve something no scientist ever has been able to.

They are completely different things, and a person can both support a trans person AND believe that biologically they cannot change sex.

Many trans identifying men identify as transgender/transvestite/crossdresser, using the terms interchangeably.

It's all one big umbrella, Stonewall definitions all.

Gosh how lovely to see so many new posters here. Assume the bat signal has gone out

A transwoman is a crossdressing man.

To my knowledge cross dressers aren’t actually saying (or believing) they are the opposite sex.

They just like wearing the clothes.

However this is not the point and not helpful to the OP so I’ll leave it there.

This is excellent advice.

If it were me, and I was concerned about this person, I'd be letting them know I was there for them and willing to listen. Perhaps trying to offer some help in the form of fresh air and a break from living in their own head.

I don't participate in delusions, because to me that would be dishonest and disrespectful, a bit like calling a priest 'father' when I'm not a Christian. But it's fairly easy to just avoid all the pronoun performance and stay quiet on the issues to avoid upset. You can listen and support and help out without having to affirm anything you don't feel comfortable with.

If she became a religious cult follower that worship sheep/crocodiles would you be expected to believe in her religious cult?

I think I'd say something like "I hope you'll be very happy in your new gender, but you'll always be Mary my SIL to me"

Women and homosexual people have human rights too. Including the right to recognition as a biological sex. Reality isn't hate. Performativity and this kind of aggressive rudeness certainly isn't 'love' either. Or 'inclusivity'.

No, that's crossdressing.

But I am not here to educate transphobia central, just offering help to OP who seems to genuinely want to help and learn. So... Bye, keep arguing against DSM, Human Rights, UK law and everything else.

In short, yes he is your brother-in-law.
Reach out to him and ask him what name he'd like to be called and confirm that he wants you to use he/him pronouns.

Coming out as trans can be difficult, in part because of the proliferation of anti-trans opinions, so knowing that you'll be supportive will important.

You don't have to like it, privately, but in being supportive you'll help him to feel at-ease around you.

Well they are, are they not ? Male people wearing stereotypical female clothing and saying they are women ?

Pointing this out isn’t hateful.

As you can see, you have options that range from performative rushing to signal how very right on and lovely you are by throwing yourself full blast into the illusion, or not wishing to participate. If it was a relationship I wanted to sustain for whatever reason and whoever is involved, then I'd be avoiding the whole topic as much as possible and as much as others would allow, for many reasons including being very uncomfortable about playing along, but not wishing to get into difficult conversations or be actively confronting. Not least, because the person may wish to choose a way back and have more trust in someone who sees them as a whole person with all the vulnerabilities and issues inevitably involved on this path, and who hasn't immediately launched into a lot of political self promotion using them as a tool.

If I had children, I'd be more concerned about explaining it to them and avoiding their participation in a forced belief or any kind of coercion from anyone. As you can see here, it is not necessarily the person themselves who will rush to aggressively coerce.