Trans sibling in law

Imagine if a relative suddenly announced 'I identify as Black British. I've always known I was Black inside, but I was assigned white at birth and coercively brought up as white.' Surely nobody would go along with this? It would be so blindingly obvious that this is hugely offensive to people who really are Black British and have no choice about it, especially if the relative suddenly announced that they were even better at being Black than 'cis' Black people, and asked them to stop centring issues that the relative doesn't face.

Same would go if the relative announced 'I identify as a wheelchair user' or 'I identify as a nursery aged child'.

Why is it different when someone announces that they identify as the opposite to their birth sex, or as non-binary, i.e. they feel they can opt out of being one or other sex, or genderfluid, i.e. they can choose from day to day, minute to minute, whether they feel more male or female? Nobody can change sex, so what does this 'I identify as ..' actually mean? We're all either male or female and regardless of how we feel about that we have to live with it and we can never know what it feels like to belong to the opposite sex. Good mental health surely requires us to come to terms with reality, not coerce all those around us into pretending that we are something we aren't.

I haven't RTFT but my first piece of advice would be to support your DH. He is losing a piece of his identity with his sister's change and it is a type of grief no-one wants to talk about because the only politically and socially permitted response is celebration.

Pls explain? Really? You do not want an explanation. Just check the dictionary. Both will be there.

You're right. We won't agree because we understand the science and we know that human beings can't change sex. Do you also believe the world is flat and that dancing in circles will help the crops grow?

Is it different for those with "mental health issues" I.e Body Dismorphia or Autism

The public health system in Germany is not known for speedy access to gender or psychiatric treatment. It will likely be an administrative battle (entirely in German) even just to access benefits/get health insurance paid in the absence of a job. If the grandfather lives anywhere other than a big city, it is even less likely to be a feasible plan. There's no automatic coverage of gender treatment under public insurance and a private insurer may well exclude it as a preexisting condition.

1984 or Clockwork Orange? I always forget!

I am sure that a lot of the transphobes on here identity as wonderful human beings. Some people will disagree with this. Just because I insist that you are not wonderful ( due to your lack of understanding) does not change how you feel about yourself.

OP hasn't stated how her husband feels about the situation, only her in-law's mother.

If OP's husband is NOT on board, that's even less reason for her to embrace the ideology. If he is, I'd be inclined towards the diplomatic approach - start channelling my inner Tom 'La la la la' Felton.

'And the reality is that you have to decide, do you want to keep your hate against trans people, or are you willing to genuinely accept your new brother in law and learn. Trans people can spot performative support from miles away, faking it won't work. But if you genuinely are willing to show effort to accept them as they are, they will help you and guide you through it.

If not, well, enjoy being excluded from their life very quickly.'

Imagine if your relative changed religion and you got 'excluded from their life' because your support was only considered 'performative'. I'm pretty sure that would be called a cult.

My advice would be to be polite but stay out of the politics as much as possible.

I guess just “men” works for all presentations

Right enough, few of the transwomen I've encountered have been wearing dresses so it's an inaccurate descriptor.

Would 'men in trousers' be more apposite?

It’s not possible to change sex. This person is a confused unwell woman with no social structure.

You mean calling transgender people as "men in dresses" is not hate?

It's not hate; it's sarcasm (and literally accurate). Hate is:

"If you see a terf, punch them in the fucking face!"

This is terribly sad. Thanks, Aida, for giving us a view of how life looks to you. Surrounded by what you see as hate, the world must look hostile and dangerous. And this must fuel the ferocious rage and threats transactivists fling at women — the ‘Decapitate TERFs’ placards, the violence at feminist events, the constant death threats to women who speak up.

Aida, can you imagine how it would feel if you let go of your irrational fear? Feminists do not hate you and will not harm you. Imagine how free you could feel.

She isn’t as she can never be a brother. It’s a woman. God this is so wrong. A poor autistic young woman going to Germany to mutilate herself because bad people on the internet have convinced her that will make her a man. It won’t. She will just be a woman with no breasts.

How are we arguing against UK law @AidaP? Per the Supreme Court decision this year, “trans women” are men under the Equality Act, which is the keystone piece of equality legislation in this country.

Why so combatitive? Who wants to start a fued in their in laws family?

As is evidenced right 'ere on this very thread!

What does your husband think about all this, @Primrose86 ? Has he embraced the rainbow or does he think it's all a bunch of arse?

And rather vocally, and repetitively!

It doesn’t surprise me in the least that this newly minted “woman” was “previously a banter type bloke”. The movement is misogynistic to its core.

Ime hormones yes, binding, yes but surgery is a big,big thing and my relative is saving for top surgery but not considering genital surgery (outcomes are poor).

You can hold whatever views you like, but unless you want to detonate a bomb in the family, you would be best not to be openly challenging. It isn't even your side of the family,where openness may be more appropriate. You should use whatever pronouns you are asked to and go with the flow

Who's raging?

What's the difference? Pls explain. Thanks.