Trans sibling in law

Why dont you have a chat with them and see whst they say. Im sure they'd appreciate it.

They can't.

It's just a feeling that a particular person has, apparently.

It's what they think they are that apparently matters.

The problem we have is 99% of trans people are just toddling along quietly, see Mitchell over there? That's is a man that likes to wear a skirt and call himself a man that wears a skirt. He cracks on with life and is quite happy bothering no-one. He'd prefer it if you called him Michelle now please.

However, Grant over there is a man that likes to wear a skirt and call himself a woman and makes everyone say he's a woman, and will absolutely insist you cannot refer to the name Grant, and you must call them Coco and will have people screaming at you saying that Grant is actually a female now, they've actually changed biology and anything you say against his beliefs is transphobia.... YOU HAVE TO COMPLY WITH THIS PERSON'S BELIEFS NO MATTER WHAT!
You're not allowed your own beliefs any more, you aren't allowed to believe he's still a man that likes to pretend to be a woman. In fact your workplace will try and force you to comply with this belief system and have you declare yourself as having preferences of pronouns. And public spaces will force your daughter's to change in communal areas with these men, and if you don't like a man wandering round, cock out looking at your 13 year old daughter...the YOU'RE FUCKING TRANSPHOBIC.

I wish the grants if the world and their "allies" would fuck off and leave the Michelle's if the word to just quietly get on with life.

Likely in Germany - assuming you are allowed to walz in and use my contributions for your validation surgery - you don't need a diagnosis of dysmorphia on account of our selfID laws

We’ll have no performative support here thank you very much, only 💯 affirmative, adherence to the rules will do, even if those rules change at a minutes notice, nothing less than total, slavish, worship will do.

The coercion involved in the view that if you do not want to lose your relationship, if you do not want to destroy the family, if you do not want rejection, shame, punishment and misery you must submit and pretend and put all else aside to indulge this one person....

for goodness sake, this is the antethisis of any healthy relationship! Everyone deserves better in their relationships, friends and family than someone holding this emotional/social gun to their heads if they fail to comply unconditionally with whatever they are told. Run a mile from someone who would treat you in this way, who does not see you as an equal, and does not care about you as a person as much as they expect you to care about them. Run. Always. Regardless of their identity choices, sex or anything else.

I wholly agree that this is really only about your DH and any children involved.

So just what is a transwoman in your mind? To me it appears that a transwoman is either a man with a mental illness or a man with a sexual fetish (or possibly both).

Do you believe that a transwoman is a man who has magically transformed into a woman? Or do you perhaps believe that a transwoman is a person with a "girl brain" instead of a "boy brain"?

Or do you believe some other conception of what a "transwoman" is?

Not RTFT but has anyone watched "A Change of Sex" that's currently in the BBC iplayer Archives?....

Sure.

Raging:

very severe or extreme

eg. enjoy being excluded from their life very quickly
keep arguing against DSM, Human Rights, UK law and everything else

Hate:

an extremely strong dislike

eg. transphobe
transphobia central
"If you see a terf, punch them in the fucking face!"

The OP’s sister in law is autistic, people with autism are massive more likely to go down the trans rabbit hole because they struggle to interpret the world, they feel like they don’t belong and sadly that can be exploited by an online community who peddle falsehoods and inaccurate information to these vulnerable people. No one can change sex, you don’t magically become the opposite sex just by saying so, or by taking hormones and undertaking experimental surgical treatments. No one is obliged to participate in the delusions of vulnerable people, what her SIL needs is MH support, not affirmation of something that isn’t real.

Much like someone with a vile controlling partner, you can be there for them if they need you, be a comfortable happy person for them, but you don’t have to listen to every detail of how great their vile partner is, when you know it’s a pack of lies they are telling themselves to get through their life. You could very gently ask if they are OK, if they are happy etc.
I think you can limit how much you talk about it, if that’s what you and your DH want.
But family is not an ideology, or a battleground.

A trans woman is a man who believes he identifies as a woman.

Just like many other posters are first time posters.

I notice the OP hasn't been back and has no previous posts under their username.

What? Are you telling me that you can go to Germany and have surgery for free, as a non-resident, non-member of a Krankenkasse, because of mental health issues? is that the sort of bullshit TRAs are telling vulnerable young people?

Well yes I know that and you know that! But it seems some people think that only one of them is a man and the other is a woman and I really really REALLY want to know how they can differentiate

Because we don’t believe in things that aren’t true. HTH.

Yeah, but no one here needs your validation. We all know we’re wonderful without anyone pointing it out. Transpeople need other people to validate them by reinforcing their delusion that they have changed sex, or they wouldn’t require people to “use the correct pronouns”

So you can't explain the difference then?

She’s obviously still a woman. Most on
mumnet are compassionate towards these difficulties but definitely grounded in reality.

You don't. Because they're all men in dresses.

So what's the difference between a man that wears a dress and a man that wears a dress and "is a woman"?

Honestly. What's the difference?

@Primrose86 I would react to it as little as possible tbh. If she changes her name then use the new name. It's easy to avoid using gendered pronouns.

This is good advice I think. Assuming your DH isn't like mine, who would just say, "Well, if that's what she wants..." without any real comprehension of the issues.

Autism is not a mental health condition.

OP - support your husband, and refer to his sibling politely, whichever way round you choose to do it.

But if I'm stood in a queue, say at the bus stop and I see a man in a dress how do I know if he's a cross dresser or a transwoman?