Trans sibling in law

Getting a job in a hospital obviously requires security checks and qualifications checks, it all takes ages in Germany but is possible. Most entry level jobs in hospitals, care and catering are pretty hard work and not for everyone.

"Hospitality" according to OP, so waitressing or similar

You are covered via ALG (dole)

State funds pay for insurance for people are registered unemployed but not in all circumstances. Anyone who has moved from another country is only eligible under reciprocal arrangements with the country they came from until two years elapse. Anyone not seeking work and living with a working spouse or parent (parents only if unemployed person is under 27 and in education) can be insured with the working spouse/ parent but only if that person has state insurance. If the person is privately insured they are responsible for insuring dependants privately. An adult won't be eligible to be insured with a grandparent.

Everyone is entitled to emergency care, as in the UK.

Asylum seekers have separate arrangements obviously, the exclusions are for "regular" migrants, long term tourism/ visits etc.

But she still needs to be registered etc etc. She ought to check this urgently

Minijobs are up to 520€ a month and you remain under whatever insurance you were under before.

Normally nobody works just over mini job hours because suddenly all the deductions kick in (not just 15.5% health insurance but care insurance, unemployment insurance, state pension contributions, reunification contribution, church tax if you haven't actively opted out, which is a faff, and regular income tax whichvyou can claim back at the end of the year if your income for the year is low enough, but that takes time) ... so the employee is left with a huge amount less than on a mini job...

A midi job is also a real thing and the first point at which health insurance kicks in - I think it's 740€ a month but that might be outvof date. On minimum wage that'd be two short days a week (say two 6 hour shifts in a care home or cleaning or in retail or catering...).

For jobs above minimum wage in Germany you generally need locally recognised qualifications - getting qualifications recognised involves bureaucracy and takes time. Many UK qualifications aren't recognised as equivalent but some are.

Getting a job in a hospital obviously requires security checks and qualifications checks, it all takes ages in Germany but is possible. Most entry level jobs in hospitals, care and catering are pretty hard work and not for everyone.

It's all possible but will take a while and be a lot of work, it's certainly not a matter of moving in with a relative and having a non emergency operation a week or a month or a few months later. Everything in Germany takes time and effort...

Of course they won't, because they know people can't change sex.

Difficult one OP. I'd be as low contact as possible, for starters.

I don't live in Germany so don't know the details (I can't move back partly because I have a chronic condition that would make me very expensive to insure - employment based insurances don't take you on any more over a certain age). But I think 'a few shifts' would be more likely to be on a 'minijob' (that's a word) contract, where you don't pay national insurance and don't get insurance. I may be wrong though; if in-law can wrangle some kind of student status, that may come with access to affordable insurance.

The German health system is a lot better resourced than the NHS, and they appear to be very permissive with gender-related interventions (because individual doctors run businesses and it's lucrative). But access is really fucked up. Health insurance has been made compulsory, but the private insurers that people in non-standard job situations depend on are free to charge what they want and exclude preexisting conditions. Policies can cost hundreds a month and still only kick in after the patient has paid 1000s out of pocket.

And it's a total caste system. My mother has private insurance and could get an MRI scan on 24 hours' notice. My friend who has employment-based insurance has to wait several months for things like that.

For your in-law, the main issue is the utter recklessness of doctors who have bought into gender thinking. Mastectomies for under-age girls, hormones from early teens... and there seems to be a rash of 'educational' charities that push sexual orientation, gender and even fetish content on children from primary school age. That's considered progressive, and child protection be damned.

My, since its impossible to change sex only the delusional can support then. I'd think that she is vulnerable and confused and thinks a way out is to say she wants to be treated as a male. She could never truly be one but maybe her current thinking?

Has RWM, IW or Sophie Molly thingy put out a call for all men to swarm this thread?

Sigh. You can really tell from the language who’s a man and who’s not here.

@Primrose86 I’ve a very similar situation (I could have written this myself) and the Mum too has gone full “support their transition”. My family know my views on this. Some surgery has happened and at the time when I first heard about it I sent some articles to another close family member, but it really upset him (he’s not a true believer) so I’ve backed off.
Like others have suggested, I’d stand aside a bit. Nothing you can say at this point will really change the cultists’ minds. All you can do is to be there for your SIL when she comes around and sees sense.
The hardest thing I think will be your relationship with your DH’s Mum. She’ll be desperately trying to keep her daughter close so wont hear a thing you say. I hate to say that you need to be quiet but I think you do.

It depends. If you've suddenly become unemployed but have contributed to the system in the past, the state will insure you as long as you register as a job seeker. You can also be registered by a contributing family member (a spouse or a parent). If you've never contributed to the system, you're only entitled to use emergency services. No private insurer will accept you if you cannot prove that you have income above the required threshold. There are different rules for the self-employed.

Yeah, that's right it's income dependent. There are still basic insurances for like students though. And you don't lose insurance when you become unemployed though I'm not sure who pays for it then. Is that paid via unemployment insurance?

Ah ok that makes sense. So really that's just like the NHS funded through a system that's effectively an extra income tax, like our National Insurance in the UK. The difference being that for us in the UK, people who aren't employed and don't pay the National Insurance are still entitled to the same NHS care as those who pay NI. Do people who aren't employed have a route to opt-in to paying for the statutory insurance even though they don't have an income (eg if they are living on savings or are supported by their family) or are people without jobs required to buy the private option?

The are no premiums in the statutory insurance, the contribution is income-based. So everyone pays x% of their income (this is very simplified and sometimes it differs, but it's the basic rule). This is by the way one of the reasons why so many migrants try to get to Germany.
Private insurers require you to declare any preexisting conditions and charge accordingly, but you have to earn over a certain threshold to be able to go private and you cannot change back into the statutory insurance later.

Insurances can vary what they cover but these differences concern the optional stuff and you can choose an insurance that covers certain things (eg some cover homeopathy and some don't) but nobody could be rejected or have their premiums increased for having diabetes or similar. It depends where gender reassignment surgery falls, is it optional or not, the answer to that might have changed with the law changes. When body dysmorphia was considered a mental health issue (and I still consider it such) it would have been covered by the standard insurance.

@Igneococcus I understand they have to accept you, but I'd be surprised if they aren't allowed to vary the premiums based on preexisting conditions. If someone emigrates into Germany with a chronic condition requiring ongoing treatment like diabetes or who has had a form of cancer that has a high probability of recurrence, are they not allowed to charge a higher premium? Are there never circumstances where an insurer can legitimately say that a condition can't be covered under a similar principle to the "buying Buildings Insurance when your house is already on fire" scenario which a court would surely agree is dishonest?

No, because of the way the German health system works which requires you to have insurance, (gesetzliche) health insurances in turn are required to provide a basic health insurance to anyone irrespective of pre-existing conditions. The private insurances can charge you whatever they think is justified but the ones that you get enrolled in by your employer have to accept you. Same goes for students. I paid something like 35 Deutsche Mark a month when I was a student long before the Euro.

BUT even once they get insurance, this is definitely going to be long way through a very strange, very inflexible system. Starting any sort of transitional treatment will require a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, and I've read recently that people have to wait years for a consultation.

I really think that has changed very recently, the new law that the old government pushed through means there is no requirement for the psychiatrist assessment. The new coalition could change this but I doubt that is high on their list. I met, very briefly, an 18 year old German girl last year who identifies as non-binary, who had both breast removed including nipples by her own gynecologist mother. She was hosted by a friend of mine in an exchange program, I have never seen her or my similar age daughter who also met her so lost for words.

If someone moves to Germany and obtains insurance, would they usually be expected to declare any pre-existimg conditions for the insurance to be valid? Obviously if you qualify for health insurance and then break a leg or develop a new serious illness then that would be covered, but to obtain the necessary diagnosis to access gender-reassignment surgery they'd have to give details of longstanding gender dysphoria and I'd expect the insurers to have Ts&Cs to say that they therefore shouldn't have ro pay for the surgery. Like you can't buy Buildings Insurance if your house is already on fire.

If someone worked a few shifts in hospitality would that qualify them for health insurance.

It depends if these few shifts earn enough money to be above the threshold that requires paying taxes and the various insurances (a bit like NI but broken down into unemployment, health, care, ..) if it's below that threshold and a few hospitality shifts almost certainly will be then no, she won't be insured. This used to catch out a lot of women who worked a few hours to supplement family income and were health insured via their husbands (like you were when in D) and found themselves uninsured when they divorced. This isn't happening now as much because I don't think I know a woman that doesn't work full time or almost full time but it did and still can happen.
The German benefits system is contribution based not means tested there's been a bit of a shift but it's still mostly true.

Health insurance is mandatory in Germany, there is no way to remain uninsured. Even jobseekers from outside the EU must get insurance. As soon as someone finds an employer, they will register you for statutory health insurance. You can also go private, but it's expensive.

BUT even once they get insurance, this is definitely going to be long way through a very strange, very inflexible system. Starting any sort of transitional treatment will require a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, and I've read recently that people have to wait years for a consultation.

You mean calling transgender people as "men in dresses" is not hate?
Wild take. But very fitting for this place. I guess if you redefine hate enough, you can live in it all the time and not even know it.

Describing reality is not “hate”.

How do we tell the difference between men wearing dresses who are crossdressing, and men wearing dresses who are women? Is there some kind of outward sign that would tell us their inner state: performance artist or true believer?

This all sounds awfully like a religion. Some people wearing the clothes of the opposite sex are just wearing the clothes of the opposite sex. But some have magically become or truly believe themselves to be the opposite sex.

Do we duck them on ducking stools to find out which is which? Do they have to do good works to prove their case? Or say the “right” words? Or will a sign from God appear to let us know which is which? Pray tell…!

What does the sibling want?

How are other members of the family dealing with it?

Just follow the family trend and don't add to the mess.

So. Many. Autistic. Girls.

The issue - that 'this is what girls are / like / want / wear / do / feel / fancy / are expected to be and do' etc artificial bullshit that's causing neurodivergent women and girls especially to say 'nope, I'm out'.

So many walk away from the whole business of trying to run the 'girl' programme in a female body with a mind that rejects it, and can only see transitioning as the way to make that escape happen.

Partner's oldest friend's daughter is 15, autistic and gay. The full monty. And she now thinks she's a boy, which upsets her dad mainly because she does not have the first idea what it is to be a teenage boy, which he does.

More and more I think what's needed is the very thing that's labelled 'conversion therapy' (ie A Bad Thing). Robust, compassionate, expert, supportive psychiatric, educational, social care for families affected to help them get through it and past it (which so many do).

When you're talking, you don't need pronouns other than 'you' and I don't use people's names when talking to them. So you can side step it.

And when talking about them I'll use whatever name they want, as I would with a friend's nickname. But I avoid pronouns generally to avoid being cowed into forced speech.

It's a mess.