Trans sibling in law

I suspect the other siblings are as confused as I am re how to react! One of her sister definitely has gender critical views, the other is probably not GC but very socially conservative. Luckily they don't live in this country so they don't need to address it. Only the mum is supportive. My DH believes the supreme court judgment is correct and that people don't understand the difference between gender and sex. He is only humouring her now because he believes that if we use the pronouns she will realize that her MH problems can't be solved by becoming a man even if it was possible.

It is confusing to me because I already find it hard to interact with her. Her MH has worsened over the years which has meant she can be actively hostile. I know other trans people and am happy to use their pronouns but they aren't people I watched grow up. Even without the trans thing interacting with him/her was a minefield for dh and I which is why we distanced ourselves during a vulnerable time to figure it out..when dh finally met up with her and her mum she dropped this bombshell.

@SerafinasGoose I disagree. Avoiding gendered pronouns is not simple, it's a pain in the bloody neck. Plus, even if you can manage it, it's pretty obvious that you're doing that, whether you use "they" instead of "he" or "she" or whether you use multiple repetitions of somone's name instead. Changing the whole sentence structure to avoid either of these does not come naturally to most people. Plus, any of these options are controlled speech, just as much as using the person's preferred pronouns.

Yes it’s not a surprise that you think conversion therapy is the way forward.

Meanwhile however the psychiatric consensus remains that affirmative and supportive approaches are important contributors to trans’ people’s wellbeing.

But your definition of 'harm' is 'refusing to lie about their sex'.

If people find this harmful, it is a question for them to address with their therapist.

Advocating policies that harm Muslims would be islamophobic. Advocating policies that harm trans people is transphobic.

But frankly it doesn’t matter whether you or I or anyone else thinks it’s transphobic. My uncle would absolutely reject anyone saying he’s homophobic despite thinking I should have fewer rights for being gay.

What matters is that my boundaries do not involve me having a relationship with someone who thinks I shouldn’t have the right to marry.

It’s up to the OP’s BIL where his boundaries lie, but if OP believes he should not be able to live as and be treated as a man even though we know the harm that causes, it would be well justified setting similar boundaries.

Advocating policies that harm Muslims would be islamophobic. Advocating policies that harm trans people is transphobic.

But frankly it doesn’t matter whether you or I or anyone else thinks it’s transphobic. My uncle would absolutely reject anyone saying he’s homophobic despite thinking I should have fewer rights for being gay.

What matters is that my boundaries do not involve me having a relationship with someone who thinks I shouldn’t have the right to marry.

It’s up to the OP’s BIL where his boundaries lie, but if OP believes he should not be able to live as and be treated as a man even though we know the harm that causes, it would be well justified setting similar boundaries.

It’s not Islamophobic to be an atheist, and it’s not transphobic to believe that we don’t all have an internal gender.

Sure. As I said, if holding and expressing transphobic beliefs were more important to OP than her relationship with her BIL and his family, including potentially her DH, that is a choice she is absolutely free to make.

Sure. As I said, if holding and expressing transphobic beliefs were more important to OP than her relationship with her BIL and his family, including potentially her DH, that is a choice she is absolutely free to make.

Sure. As I said, if holding and expressing transphobic beliefs were more important to OP than her relationship with her BIL and his family, including potentially her DH, that is a choice she is absolutely free to make.

Well it's entirely up to anyone of us if we want relationships with anyone. That works both ways.

If people need me to pretend they've changed sex for me to have a relationship with them, that could well be an insurmountable barrier. Amy compromises need to work for everyone.

I would be harmed if my uncle who thinks I shouldn’t be allowed to get married had his way. He doesn’t just ‘have a different belief’, his belief is that I should be treated differently because I am gay. That is the harm.

Most posters on here do hold beliefs that would do harm to the OP’s BIL. I don’t know if OP does. But if she does, he would be entirely legitimate in having nothing to do with her.

OP’s BIL doesn’t need to do anything at your instruction.

It’s entirely up to the OP whether she wants her relationship with her BIL and his family to continue or not.

You are confusing ‘has different beliefs’ with ‘wants to do harm’. World peace very much depends on tolerance of people with different beliefs.

If people can't cope with the reality of their sex, they need to work with a therapist to fix that.

It is not up to the rest of us to pretzel our logic, language, scientific understanding on behalf of their mental health issues.

It's also harmful to one's well-being to not only be unable to face confronting views, but to even insulate oneself from such views to the point of cutting off relationships with close ones. When people do that over, say, religion or a new hobby or a new friend, we usually conclude that there's something very wrong going on.

Your example doesn't work, because GC views are protected beliefs while homophobia isn't.

Good for them. I’m not sure why anyone would want to have a relationship with someone who wants to do them harm but each to their own.

Please provide citation of the "wrong" my learned colleague, as my tutor at law school used to say, the difference between debate club and law school is in the citations, so far you've only engaged in a debate club and attempts, weak one at personal attacks.

I have no interest in doxxing myself as the more you answer, the goalpost will keep moving from then "where did you train" and so on. Been there, done that, provide citations and I will happily engage, I will otherwise keep ignoring most of the debate club posts as before.

If your question about how to react to your SIL is coming from a place of genuine curiosity, you would be far better placed seeking this guidance from charities or organisations which work to support trans people. If you weren’t already aware, MN is notoriously a hostile space for trans people. Do your own research around how to be an ally, and as a starting point, simply ask your SIL what pronouns they would like you to use, and if they would like you to continue using their current name or not.

If your question about how to react to your SIL is coming from a place of genuine curiosity, you would be far better placed seeking this guidance from charities or organisations which work to support trans people. If you weren’t already aware, MN is notoriously a hostile space for trans people. Do your own research around how to be an ally, and as a starting point, simply ask your SIL what pronouns they would like you to use, and if they would like you to continue using their current name or not.