How to talk about 'trans-girl' in my son's class.

They may well be coming at things from a wish to 'be kind' (although clearly not to OP's DS); but as PP said, they are actually gaslighting a young child.

Today, it's telling them off for realising the truth about human sex; how do we know that, tomorrow, it couldn't be somebody abusing them and angrily rebuking them and denouncing them as a horrible liar for speaking up about it?

It's an extremely dangerous precedent to set.

My son is six. He knows the tooth fairy isn't real, and he doesn't believe in a god.

However, he also completely understands that some of his classmates DO believe in these things and that he should "leave it be". Not bring up the topic. Not try to burst their bubble or argue or anything.

If he comes across a transgender child in school I will explain it in a similar way. This is what they believe. Whether it is factual/true or not is irrelevant because it doesn't need to be discussed with them.

He is 6 for fuck’s sake. You are so judgemental about a 6 year old who has just been presented with something that is mind-boggling. A boy who is “really” a girl??? I’m not surprised he is asking questions, it’s what 6 year olds do.

But those are things whereby there is a clearly negative perception to the situation, which people will be understandably upset for others to specifically tell them so.

Most people would prefer to be good at a sport they enjoy, rather than bad at it. Most people would prefer to be thought of as clever rather than stupid.

But there's no positive or negative about being either a boy or a girl; you're either one or the other, but you can't be the one that you aren't. Just like there's nothing bad, wrong or negative with being of one racial heritage or another; but you are what you are, and you can never become what you aren't.

Oh give over being so self-righteous.

Have you ever dealt with 6 year-olds? Do you understand anything at all about child development? They are not mini-adults.
This is such a bullshit ideology, throwing out everything we know about childhood development, and talking crap about being “really” a girl when in every material respect, this child is a boy. Social transition is NOT a neutral act, and can concretise an idea that the child would have grown out of.

This. He is, by very definition, confused.

Damn, that’s so young to transition - I feel it’s a safeguarding issue…

‘The boy who wants to pretend he is a girl’

Children don’t have to buy into this nonsense any more than adults do. He is not a girl.

Really, I’d be telling my DC to just stay away from the child, especially if they don’t get on anyway. You don’t need any of this catching on.

Your issue isn't whether the other child is confused, a boy, or a girl or anything else.

Your issue is that your son says things to upset children he doesn't get on with. It seems there was no need to talk about whether this child was a girl or really a boy, but your son knew it would be dismissive or hurtful, and did.

If they're not friends, it's not your son's place to comment on something so personal, regardless of your views.

You can have friends you think the same way as, friends you see things differently from but talk to respectfully on the issues, people you don't get on with or have anything in common with, and people you choose to have nothing to do with for whatever reasons. You can't interfere in the affairs of those you actively dislike, unless you want to be a bully.

There is absolutely no way I’d indoctrinate my child with such nonsense. I’d be upfront with my son and explain he’s a boy who wishes to dress as a girl. I think the school are way out of line for allowing and endorsing this.

I don’t know. I believe the majority of schools in Ireland are faith schools, and I just wondered if this was how they handled different beliefs between pupils. I suppose the question still stands in a non-religious school.

So in short tell your son the child is a boy and he can’t change sex but it’s kind just to call him by his new first name as he wants to look like a girl.

I think you're doing the right thing.
Having been a girl (!), what I'm concerned about is this "boy" in relation to toilets and changing rooms. Even at the age of 4 or 5, I and my friends were very aware of "differences" and the need for privacy away from the boys.
I hope this "boy" is not to be allowed anywhere near the female-designated areas.

@HeyWiggle
OP is in Ireland, not the UK, so the guidance doesn’t apply.

Have a read through this, it’s the DofE gender questioning guidance for schools.

https://consult.education.gov.uk/equalities-political-impartiality-anti-bullying-team/gender-questioning-children-proposed-guidance/supporting_documents/Gender%20Questioning%20Children%20%20nonstatutory%20guidance.pdf consult.education.gov.uk/equalities-political-impartiality-anti-bullying-team/gender-questioning-children-proposed-guidance/supporting_documents/Gender%20Questioning%20Children%20%20nonstatutory%20guidance.pdf]]]]

they should be using the term gender questioning and not the term trans.

The school has no duty to allow the child to socially transition and there are very few times when a school should allow a change of pronouns. No one can be compelled to use different pronouns, so that meeting with the head shouldn’t have happened.

a child’s legal sex is the same as their birth sex and they must use the single sex facilities for their birth sex.

Are religious schools generally worse do you think @BackToLurk ? I sent this article to our local vicar as governor of the CofE schools here. He hasn't replied as yet. https://thecritic.co.uk/the-c-of-es-anti-bullying-schools-guidance-is-worse-than-ever/

At 7 your child is old enough to learn that some things are true, but we don't speak them in order to not hurt feelings. It might also be true that another child has a visible disability or a speech impediment etc. But we wouldn't say that. This can be treated as the same. If your child needs to speak about this other child then they use the child's name, avoiding pronouns.

I don't know how the law stands where you are. But on a practical level I'd just treat it the same as he would a really overweight child. He needs to be civil and kind the same as anyone, and not mention that the child is overweight/trans. If the overweight/trans child keeps saying things to him like "do you think I'm fat/a boy?" then I would suggest a stock phrase your child can say to get out of it without lying. "I don't want to talk about it." Or similar.

That's exactly what I would do as an adult in the same situation. Refuse to agree that the man was actually a woman, but just say "I think it's better we don't discuss this and focus on work instead."

I said to my daughter about her female friend going non binary and isn’t on male and they pronouns and they changed their name 8 times:

you can’t change biological sex
you can change your name
you don’t have to use pronouns

girls can do anything eg be doctors. Boys can do anything

You have the right to a safe female space for girls only

Could you frame it as not picking on people's insecurities? The child is insecure about being a boy. It's true he's a boy - and it isn't wrong to speak the truth, in fact sometimes it's necessary - but some truths are upsetting to some people and there are situations where it's best to be tactful. For instance, if a boy in his class were bad at football, it wouldn't be appropriate or useful to keep telling him that, even though it's true. Likewise if someone isn't clever or attractive. Not ideal though, I wish this awful social contagion would disappear off the face of the earth.

Child abuse.

Because 'respect' is a mutual thing. The child who wishes to be known as someone as the opposite sex has an equal responsibility to respect that other children may not see him as he wants to be seen.

Otherwise, it's not 'respect', it's 'submission'.

6? FFS, that should be social services territory.