How to talk about 'trans-girl' in my son's class.

Using correct sexed language and stating material reality about someone's sex class is not making a 'nasty comment'.

Since when is "comments about him really being a boy" = "nasty comments"

Both children are boys.
7 year olds in a small school group not mini adults who can manage conflicting ideas. The OP has already said that she will tell her son to avoid the "topic" as much as possible

They are at the age where sex matters as girls are beginning to be yucky. And the OPs child is not willing to pretend that the boy is a girl and the school are now very aware of the fact that the OP will support her childs right to hold that belief.

Going to "HR" or the Head has already happened. And I will take bets that the Department of Education is not going to fund a consitutional challange against the rights of the OPs child. On the basis his rights are trumped by some Departmental policy around what is defined and managed by the public health service as mental health issue. So the school management will be on their own.

So now it is up to the adults in charge of the school to work out how to manage both children while respecting the beliefs of both children.

Saying someone's a boy isn't being 'mean' though. It's a neutral statement of observed reality. The only way this can be interpreted as being mean is through a lens of extreme misandry. There's nothing wrong with being male.

People used to mistake my babies for the other sex all the time. Guess what? It wasn't offensive and no-one cared. Because it's not offensive to be either sex.

It's as if a child saying to another child 'you're a human' is mean. It's not. Saying something that is neutral is 'abusive' is extremely toxic manipulation and emotional abuse of both children.

The point you are making bears little relation to the post by the OP. You are simply trying to hammer home your own point.

i have chidren, grandchildren and have been. teacher. I don't need a long lecture about bullying, what it looks like, and what it involves

Neither you nor I know what has passed between the two, apart from what has been shared by the OP. Children can react emotionally, just as any of us can....maybe even more so since they cannot articulate their reasoning or their feelings.

i'm not assigning " fault" to anyone. You are.

The OP said Unfortunately, my son doesn't get on well with this kid and has made comments about him really being a boy.

When you don't get on with someone, you stay away from them, you don't make nasty comments, because that is bullying. The OP has not said "the trans child is mean to my son so he made nasty comments in retaliation did she? If the other child was being horrible to her son I'm sure she would have mentioned it. There are lots of people I don't get on with, I don't say nasty things to them which are intentionally focused on the one thing that I know will upset them most.

There are people at work who I don't get on with, I can tell they don't like me, but I don't care because I also don't like them. None of them make nasty comments to me because we don't get on, they just don't talk to me. If one did make nasty comments, I would report them to HR for bullying. Because not getting on with someone is not an excuse or an acceptable reason to be shitty to someone. You know that. If the other child wasn't transgender and this thread was just about one kid being mean to another kid you wouldn't be making out the victims fault for antagonising their bully.

No one likes a bullying narcissist.

It's really parenting101 that you teach children that if they go around being mean and calling other children names ('transphobic') as soon as they have a mind of their own and different opinions they won't want to play with you any more.

These poor children are being tragically let down. Detransitioners say how fast the 'community' ditches them and often at that point their disrespectful behaviour (taught by the gender ideology playbook - any slight different of opinion is 'transphobic hate') has lost them other friends.

No child has to be friends with another child if they don't want to be. Why would any child be friends with someone that doesn't respect their different beliefs?

The mother said the two do not get on. Just because someone, even a child, adopts a trans identity it doesn't automatically transform them also into an angel - full of sweetness and light.

There was a girl in my granddaughter's school who came back after the lockdown declaring that she was now a boy ( She was aged 10, primary school). This was confusing for her friends and when they automatically referred to her as 'she' she called them "transphobic" - which upset them very much.

She seemed to believe that everyone and everything must now revolve around her new desires and needs.

Personally I think trying to get a child to lie about what they know to be the truth is bullying, especially when enforced by adults. It's also emotionally abusive as defined in KCSIE.

It also disrupts normal language development. Pronouns are not a personal choice, unlike names. They are based on observation of sex and determined by the person speaking.

Changing name is less problematic (unless forced on the child, however OP and her son can't know about that) but wrong-sex pronouns undermine natural safeguarding instincts and are usually only achieved by bullying.

No, it doesn't take two for bullying to happen.

The victim does not have to participate in bullying in any way to allow themselves to be bullied, unless you're going with victim blaming, presumably because you think being trans is stupid.

Why is the school pushing gender?

Why would the school teaching 7 year olds that they have any obligation to lie about something they all know is true?

The school has no right to force the OPs child to lie.

The school has a legal obligation to take the POs belief and her childs beliefs into account when creating any policy or pratice.

The OP has a right to look out for her own child.

No, they don't, not at age 7. I see changing names in children as a way of unhitching the child from their family and destabilising the family unit.

It isn’t the name change that’s a problem but the insistence on the use of opposite sex pronouns for 6/7 year olds. You are asking them to lie and that is very confusing.

Children of this age have just worked out that sex is not the same as what clothes you wear but is more intrinsic to a person’s being. We are mammals, we recognise this difference quite fundamentally, and it is part of normal psychological development to understand sex permanence around this age.

It was quite clear in the Cass review and other psychological writing that social transition is not a neutral act, and can concretise a passing phase.

It isn’t kind to get everyone round a young child to pretend they can change sex; the approach of puberty where sex differences become obvious is inevitable and that will worsen the child’s mental health.

How can a child easily row back from a position where they have made everyone round them pretend they are the opposite sex? It is such a damaging thing to do to a child to give them that much power. They need secure boundaries.

Far better that adults adopt a relaxed attitude to gender non-conforming children, let them get on with wearing what they want and playing games they want, but hold the truth for them that they can’t change sex. Most of them grow out of this phase if left to develop.

To be fair, we don't know how the 'trans' child speaks to him. They don't get on. It takes two.

The child is seven years old for goodness sake. Have you ever had a seven year old?

Parents are most often the best placed to make a judgment regarding their child.
The child is obviously confused....because the child remains male no matter what his parents have allowed him to believe to the contrary.

There is no such thing as ‘transition’ - only delusion. Or in the case of 6 year olds, deluded parents.

And if the school has a policy that is harmful to the other students?

Plus acting as if a child is the opposite sex to that which they are, is teaching children that they must lie to keep somebody happy. How can this not be harmful?

It is also lowering children’s boundaries. It is a significant safeguarding issue and it should not be dismissed.

The current cohort of tweens and teens are not accepting of trans people. This is primarily down to TikTok algorithms pushing out content ridiculing trans people. It’s a case of the pendulum swinging back following several years content from non passing males getting angry about being misgendered. The binary nature of sex is obvious from a young age. Young people tend to be very accepting of difference if they are not taught to fear or resent it - but they won’t believe night is day and will resent being told it is.

OP, I suggest you explain to your child that some people don’t want to be the sex they are and some people think that the best way to manage this is for everyone to pretend that the person is the opposite sex. Some people are happy to pretend and others aren’t. If you aren’t happy to pretend, that’s OK, and most of the time it isn’t difficult to not pretend whilst also minimising upset (such as using names instead of pronouns, and not commenting on gender non conformity - such as clothes and toy preferences). I think this type of thoughtfulness helps diverse groups be more at peace with each other. Another examples would be asking a child not to refer to the hanky on a Sikh boy’s head as a hanky because in his culture this is not what it is it’s a patka. The child could be told that if it were in their household it would be called a hanky and would be a hanky, but in a Sikh household this is not what it is or is for.

The OP's primary responsibility is to her own son, not to the trans-identifying child. It's not helpful or fair to teach young children that people can change sex, or to expect them to ignore their own eyes.

People change names for lots of reasons, it would be weird and disrespectful to not use a new name that has been asked for?
in terms of gender, its likely that this has very little impact or relevance to school life at this age. I think all that's needed here is to follow the school's lead? Im sure that family have enough to deal with

No.

Ummm…. No.

Well the scoldly virtue signallers get to feel good about themselves whilst they emotionally abuse a parent to boost their image.

Imagine bottom feeding off emotionally confused and damaged children by abusing a parent who refuses to go on with delusional sexism...

Or on the other hand you could outright lie to your child; tell them it is possible to change sex. Lie that lifelong medication and surgeries for "a feeling" so they will conform to stereotypes is a good thing. That will definitely impact your relationship and trust!
Who benefits from disrupting families and confusing children?