Non-binary child major rupture in relationship

Honestly my dd and I do not discuss transgender issues at all she is full on twaw I'm...not I'm not disrespectful but I won't blindly support a rapist because they are being their "authentic self" and need a women's prison either she loathes JKR and I poked her a little today about the cast member who basically said not my circus when questioned about her she pulled a face so it seems that she is still totally toeing the party line I pointed out that no-one is obligated to agree/disagree with everything and that is fine to not have an opinion...then dropped it she ignored me on her phone for a bit she will be fine eventually

As sad as it is, I would not be feeding into this nonsense. I would be addressing HER and referring to HER by her appropriate gender and not engaging in any discussions about body modification, hormone therapy or similar.
And make it lear that you will be there for HER if and when the crisis has passed.

@nbartist Thank you for sharing your experience, my daughter's best friend has been nb since school and is now mid twenties waiting for surgery, your post helped shed light on why they may want such drastic surgery.
I hope they also find a relief and self acceptance, my biggest fear has always been that it changes nothing for them and leaves them 'lost'.

I would also be interested in an AMA @nbartist

@nbartist would you consider doing an AMA? I have come across quite a few young women who identify as non-binary but really don't understand the concept at all.

The problem parents have is we are by definition older than our children. We now understand the things we rolled our eyes at when we were in our teens and 20s. The "if I'd known then what I know now" comments. We don't just have a few years perspective on our younger years. We have decades.

Keep the lines of communication open if you can @Goldenpatchwork but your instinct that your child does not need a cosmetic procedure to be themselves seems sound.

This is exactly the question I was going to ask. Male as default human, again. It makes me so sad, as a woman who was deeply uncomfortable with her growing breasts during puberty and who has since survived breast cancer.

Why is it that females who identify as non binary almost always want to have their breasts removed so they look more like a male? I’ve never heard of males who identify as non binary having breast implants. I wonder why?

I am non-binary, and had a double mastectomy. I am very lucky that my mother was so supportive throughout, because we've always been and continue to be close. Or, perhaps supportive is the wrong word; perhaps accepting? It's not really a frequent topic of discussion. That's not to say she agreed with my every decision, of course not, but though I came out in my late teens I was in my mid-twenties by the time I had surgery and she chose to respect my autonomy and wishes. I know she'd rather I didn't feel the need for surgery, but she's said since that she sees how much of a difference it makes.

I've been out for ten years now; I don't know how old your DC is, but I found things got easier as I got older. When I first came out, and before surgery, I found "misgendering" bothered me far more than it does now. I never said anything to my mum about it, she uses she/her and my old nickname more often than not, but I know it's what she's used to and the most important thing for me is that she doesn't mean it to deny me my identity or to make a point.

I will say that my double mastectomy was life-changing for me. I won't say life-saving, because that's a little cliche, but the ability to just get dressed and go out without feeling the need to bind or hide has been amazing. I had five years on waiting lists before my first consultation, which I'm grateful for; it gave me time to think things through and make sure I knew what I wanted. Now I'm finally able to exercise, to wear more than just baggy t-shirts, to dress up smart when I want to, to focus on the rest of my life without feeling like I'm still waiting for something. Now that my body itself feels more "neutral" I also felt comfortable to grow out my hair and wear skirts and dresses sometimes; gender isn't something I talk or even think about often. "Misgendering" really doesn't bother me now I'm comfortable in my own body, honestly. I'd never correct anyone over it.

I can't speak for your DC, obviously, but I hope if they do choose surgery that they have a similarly relieving experience. I know it must be incredibly different from a parent's perspective. I hope that perhaps my account might be reassuring in some way, I suppose, and I hope the support others have linked to help you find a place and position in all this where you're comfortable.

That's very hard. The idea of mastectomy for non binary young women has been normalised, it's so sad.
I can imagine that as a parent I wouldn't object too much as I would be so relieved they weren't having a hysterectomy. I haven't heard of nb women having hysterectomies, it seems isolated to breasts, which are visible and make us feel self conscious when we're young.

Have you contacted a group such as Baywater?

I’m so sorry. How old is she?

How old is she?

I'm sorry your going through this and unfortunately other than pointing you towards genspec I can't of any advice

Do they live with you? Can you not take the stance of "I love you I'm simply not going to discuss this with you anymore?"