I’ve just done a soft launch at work and need a wee handhold.

Handhold @BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop.

Was involved in a similar situation recently (right-on social event, and unfortunately drink involved, so I was less guarded than usual). The points I was making seemed pretty middle of the road but when I got home I couldn't sleep and started trembling. They were similar to the symptoms I had after an assault years ago, so I think I was in shock.

This bloody-minded ideology has done such a number on us all, split friendship groups, families etc. Ostracism is such a powerful force - this proves people will say and think any auld nonsense to avoid it.

But what I tell myself is, if word does gets round my community, and someone calls me a terf behind my back, it's likely that there will be at least one shy terf listening who knows I am fundamentally decent, and gains some strength from hearing it. I know I inwardly punch the air when I hear someone else getting the label. There's a lot of us about, but the social cost to speaking out is still far too high for the majority, especially women.

It’s quite shocking how we’re still scared to speak out. Some of us anyway. I’m normally a confident person, considered a subject matter expert in my field. But when I spoke out in a trust board meeting recently, my voice wobbled! I mean, what were they really going to do to me? As me to unvolunteer?

We pay their bloody salaries!

If your salary is paid for by the taxpayer you need to leave your politics at home.

I have a few friends who treat me differently, basically they’re not as friendly as they used to be. But there’s a clear difference between them and my sex realist friends, who are far more intelligent.

Although I think single sex toilets ARE important I try not to lead on this as a discussion point because it's easy for TRAs to dismiss it as petty and make comments about 'policing genitals'.
I find when I talk about my concerns about safeguarding in sport, or in prisons, or on school residential trips I gain more traction.

I think you have to consider what will 'hit home' best with whoever you're talking to. Men with daughters worry about different things to people with elderly parents in hospitals or care homes.

Handhold and well done: you found your courage and perhaps you have helped someone else find her courage, too.

Everyone’s a terf when it comes to
men’s rights activists.

Please do not do a "tinkly laugh/head tilt"

This is even better, do this : )

Worked on my 14 year old daughter!

Well done OP - and to everyone raising their voice in the NHS, police forces and anywhere captured by the "trans beeekind and ignore the sterilising of children and abuse of women" brigade.

for the whole lot of you.

i am going to read JKRs essay again and pick 3 points that i am going to drop into conversations. Most people i know are very much TWAW so it will be interesting to see if anyone spots it.

Good Luck, OP.

"Gosh, yes, I believed JKR was transphobic too! And then I wondered why and so I read what she wrote. It was just couple of tweets and a short thing about her reasons. Have you read them - they're quite interesting. [Tinkly laugh/head tilt]"

A handhold and a well done, as I did the same last week for the first time. My company’s staff network went very noisy making dramatic statements after the SC ruling and I started to feel very uncomfortable.

As talk of email pronouns and the like went through my team I realised all of them were completely clueless beyond ‘being kind’, and as my (male) manager was, unbelievably, a complete blank slate on the issue I took my chance to sit down with him and politely open his eyes to the ‘other side’. Started with a very measured tiptoeing around the SC issues and ended blathering on about rapists in prisons. I may have made a massive fool of myself, I may get in trouble yet but I am glad I did it. He tried to understand and I think I succeeded in gaining his support, but what hit me was he really did have no knowledge of anything going on as he simply didn’t consider it a straight man’s business (he’s doing the pronoun thing exactly because it’s no skin off his nose rather than having any independent thought about it).

It’s out in the open now but I can’t be the only one out there. I expected this years ago, so at least I’m prepared.

Offering a handhold here! I also work in the NHS but fortunately I know that my line managers are reality based and therefore not trans rights activists which helps.

Not thinking men can magically become women (or women turn into seahorses) is not transphobic. I am definitely for biological reality - yey! SC agrees with me - but I wish transpeople no ill, as long as the males ones (born with a penis) stay out of women's legally protected single-sex spaces, prizes, refuges, prisons, groups and so forth. If they breach that rule I will report them.

Embrace the science!

If if comes up again, Id gently ask her why she thinks JKR is so bad? Be ready to point out how respectful JKR has been and how she has recognised that trans people do have the right to be/feel safe.

I got booted off the PoliceUk Reddit group recently for similarly sensible points... Sadly the mods on that group are feral TRAs.

Handhold from me, fellow NHS staff member just quietly trying to make ripples about this. Its so hard when the position always seems to be that if you care about spaces and safety for women and females you’re full of hate and fear.

Here take my hand….

I also have recently tentatively started having these conversations at work (in a social care setting so massively captured). It’s ridiculous that it’s scary but it is, so your feelings are valid.

You're in good company! I've given up trying to not sound 'transphobic' as anything vaguely sex realist/GC tends to be deemed transphobic by the be kinders.
There must be an NHS SEEN you can join for moral.

"Oh that's interesting, what do you think JKR has done that is transphobic?"

To be fair she may well be sat at her desk pondering her position, ‘as the lovely Brice doesn’t think JKR is a massive transphobe, so that’s a bit odd!’.

Maybe over time she’ll remember what you said, see a few headlines and videos of moobs being brandished aggressively, and change her position.

I am in the police and I have been having more and more conversations with colleagues.

Many agree with me straight off, some of them start off with anti terfy sentiments, then I talk about being a rugby player and they agree with me, then they have even brought up TIMs in women's prisons and all agree that's too far, then I bring up searching in custody and they all agree with GC people there, too.

The minute I bring in small, personal details and arguments they all agree that TIMs should not be included in women's spaces.

The only sticking point really is women's toilets and the younger generation tend to just suggest unisex toilets...

Hand hold. It's so so hard and very scary to start discussing this topic x

Yes, mostly they have never read anything she actually said.