Request to share pronouns

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this, I was hoping that the 'pronouns' thing had faded away a bit.

Two thoughts: I'd either say nothing, or if I had to respond to the feedback, I'd say something light and fairly neutral like 'just the standard pronouns will do fine thanks'.
Or up the ante a bit with a more formal 'the standard pronouns are sufficient in a work environment'.

I would not say 'but feel free to use whatever pronouns etc.' because I agree with other posters that setting the tone is important, and as someone in a senior position you can set the tone that pronouns other than those used in everyday life are not only unnecessary, but controversial.

Obviously people will insist on announcing theirs, and I'm not suggesting they be stopped from doing so, but it shouldn't be encouraged in a professional environment where people should bring their professional self, not their 'whole' self, to work.

Lol. It's not problematic using pronouns in speech as an adult (little children can get them wrong though). It's the compelled aspect of demanding that every body seriously intones what is bloody obvious from the moment someone opens their mouth.
It's all part of an attempt to refashion society, to undermine facts and reality and to frame others as somehow bigoted for refusing to participate.

I can guarantee that if religious folk started demanding that every workplace meeting started with a prayer or demanded that everyone makes the sign of the cross or says "peace be upon him" when mentioning a prophet's name, people would protest. Others are entitled to their religious beliefs but not to compel others to follow.

Same issue with pronouns and gender beliefs.Pronoun away if that's what makes you happy. But don't compel the rest of us to comply with your belief.

Pronouns in English are sex-specific. They have set meanings. They’re not a preference, not a choice.

The concept of “preferred pronouns” is gibberish.

I have previously said "I don't have preferred pronouns, please feel free to use what comes naturally to you".

I do admire people who are more direct and was prepared to answer further questions but I felt the above was truthful and more appropriate for a big meeting.

I never understand the hand wringing over this. I’m NOT senior and I ignore this request. I’d just say “no, I won’t be doing that”. And then I’d sack the person asking me.

I really just would ignore it tbh.

John: "Hi, I'm. John, he/him, I'm in charge of the squirrels"
Sally" hey, I'm sally, she/her, im in charge of the doughnuts"
OP: "Hello I'm Brenda, I am the person who presses the big red button".
Charlie: "I'm Charlie, he/him chief of colouring in"

I'm Donna and you can use sex based pronouns for me.

That's what I would say. If pushed I would say I don't have a gender.

Pronouns take the place of nouns in sentences, so if you're Jane, then when discussing or talking to you, people don't have to keep saying "Jane."
For example - Jane is the case worker. You can ask her for the documents. She has filed them. OR I am Jane.

She/Her/I are all pronouns. They're not gibberish.

If you don't want to use pronouns then you'll be referred to as "Jane" consistently.

I don't understand why it's problematic.

Just reply and say you've given it thought and the choice you feel comfortable with is not to do it. Your comfort matters too.

In the work meeting context your sex should be irrelevant, likewise your gender identity (if you had one.) Your choice not to in no way impacts on anyone else's, just as wether or not you eat meat at lunch time, or use the prayer room should alter what anyone else does.

I'd love it if more people said "I'm...and my pronouns are irrelevant" so it wouldn't make me less comfortable in meetings.

Failing that try saying "I find this request deeply triggering, please don't ask me again." I'm only partly in jest with that suggestion.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to.

It sounds like you know what the way forward it - don’t share your pronouns.

I can’t actually imagine what working somewhere like you do would be like but I would try not to stress about it.

I just say I don't do that when asked and try not to add because it's absolute bollocks.
I'm a grumpy 63 year old snd try sacking me for it. Just try.
They've given up now.

If you feel compelled to share (which I think is actually illegal), you could always say something like ' my name is Susan, and my pronouns are I and me' ?

Why would someone’s pronouns not be obvious?

Offer to share your star sign. It's just as personal. Can be worked out by others regardless how you "feel". And is also a load of total wank.

Again, I am frustrated I've not been asked.

That is a very good response. It signals that everyone can do as they please and is truly inclusive.

"Hi I'm Paulettamcgee, head of stuff. I do not wish to share pronouns but please feel free to do so when introducing yourself if you want to."

If anyone questions this, explain that there are lots of reasons why people might not want to share pronouns, and you want to set the example that pronoun sharing is optional as an inclusive senior member of the organisation.

If you have to explain the reasons why someone might not to you can explain that some people will not be out at work with their identity and others might not want to announce pronouns because of their protected beliefs. As an inclusive employer, we should be considerate of all staff.

And then perhaps never mention it again unless you have to.

It potentially does cause her harm. Please read up on stereotype threat and sociolinguistics.

Just like it might make someone (who is trans) else's day easier, it might make someone (who is gender-critical) else's day harder. Why do you prioritise the trans person' feelings over the gender-critical person's?

Why do you insist on forcing this on people who clearly do not want to do it and minimise their well-founded concerns? You are trying to change something. People never used to announce their pronouns and still mostly don't. So it is you who is creating the battle. Why not just give it a rest?

I have been waiting - in vain - for the chance to fuck with these idiots.

However, it seems having a plan to deal with it when it happens has acted as some sort of weird talisman to keep that day at bay.

Makes me curious as to whether anyone has ever been able to implement their "when it happens" plans for dealing with all this pronoun bollocks and how it played out ?

still like the mumsnetter who said “my pronouns are sex-based like my oppression”

Or perhaps go for “I’m a gender agnostic use whatever you like”

Tbh, I actually this this is part of the problem. Everyone tripping over themselves to be 'nice' about it rather than just merely saying 'sorry I don't do pronouns' without the lengthy explanation to justify yourself.

We don't have to justify it. Employers just have to suck it up. Cos it's our legal right to simply say 'no'.

People can decide what pronouns they use to refer to themselves. It's not up to them to decide what pronouns anyone else uses to refer to them.

I decide what pronouns I use to refer to someone because it's me that's using them.

In the same way, people can decide to share the pronouns they use to refer to themselves and I can decide not to.

"If someone’s pronouns are not obvious"
If someone's sex is not obvious (never happened to me so far) I'll use their name when referring to them.

No it doesn't have to be a battle, so people should stop making it into one by trying to make others share their pronouns. The OP doesn't want a battle, otherwise why would she be posting this thread? If she wanted a battle she could just go in and say 'I don't believe in all this pronoun-sharing bollocks. Who wants to make something of it?' She's trying to avoid being pressured into something, but without offending anyone.

I don't have a profound choice. I dont care how people refer to me when I am not around

I have a name, a personality and ibhave never taken my whole self to work

Am I supposed to lie, to invent something? Why? It makes me, and many people I know, deeply uncomfortable when we are told we have to do, say, be something we are not to assuage someone else's choices?

Bollocks does it cause no harm.

@Paulettamcgee just introduce yourself in the manner which you prefer and don’t even mention pronouns. If anyone challenges you just say you gave no objection to others declaring their pronouns but you don’t wish to and you want to provide visible support to other people who would rather not share their pronouns but feel pressured to do so. Finish by saying you are confident that no one present would want anyone put under pressure to share personal information that they would rather keep private.

What is it you don't get about the purpose of this sub forum?