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Original poster

Request to share pronouns

290 replies

Paulettamcgee · 19/05/2025 14:19

I feel this question has been asked and answered to death but.....

I've always ignored any request to share my pronouns. I'll introduce my name and role and happily hand over to the next person. I'm fine if someone else wishes to share their pronouns but I do not wish to do so.

I'm very senior at work in an organisation which has a lot of colleagues under the age of 30 ( I think that's relevant as I notice it is younger people who are more keen that pronouns are shared). Generally every introduction in my workplace included sharing pronouns along with your name and role.

I've received some feedback that I should be sharing my pronouns when introducing myself. Especially as a senior leader as it is meaningful for many colleagues and sets the tone for meetings. I don't need to respond to this feedback individually but there is a meeting on Wednesday where it will be expected I share my pronouns when introducing myself. I can foresee not sharing may become problematic.

I don't want to share my pronouns or feel that I have to. I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs.

How do I navigate this?? All help gratefully received.

OP posts:
McCartneyOnTheHeath · 19/05/2025 14:49

The best response I've seen on here was something along the lines of "I'm gender free and I don't have preferred pronouns. My sex is female so if you want to use she and her, that's fine". Luckily not had to use this yet myself because it's unlikely I would be able to keep a straight face.

MsFogi · 19/05/2025 14:47

I suspect the feedback is from an extremely small minority (maybe of 1) and there is a growing silent majority who do not want to share their pronouns. The more senior people who cave in the more difficult it is for junior people to stick to their principles. Just keep ignoring the feedback and don't proffer pronouns. If HR/your boss pulls you up be ready to very calmly and non-confrontationally say that you don't feel comfortable with pronouns.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 19/05/2025 14:45

It is explicitly banned in the Yogyakarta principles to require pronouns to be declared, so I always say I follow the Yogyakarta Principles and view demanding pronouns to be unacceptable as it might force someone to out themselves before they are ready.

PermanentTemporary · 19/05/2025 14:44

I like @myplace's version...

PermanentTemporary · 19/05/2025 14:43

I wonder where the feedback was from.

Tbh if my boss sat me down face to face and said 'you need to do this for team cohesion' I probably would. I'm not that brave and I still need a job.

If it were a colleague at the same level I'd just ignore it, which is what I've done so far.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 19/05/2025 14:40

"I'm Pauletta, Senior Principal Whatsit, and I'm sure you're all intelligent enough to guess my pronouns!" Said with a big smile.

myplace · 19/05/2025 14:36

I’m Pauletta, I think my colleagues usually use she/her.

RedToothBrush · 19/05/2025 14:34

"I don't do pronouns. I'm sane and don't belief in gibberish. Being asked to share them as a compulsory thing isn't very welcoming or accepting. Take me to an employment tribunal and we can discuss it further there."

musicalfrog · 19/05/2025 14:33

On a serious note, are you just assuming they would feel like that?

You may have received feedback but has anyone actually said why they think you should be sharing your pronouns?

rebmacesrevda · 19/05/2025 14:33

A university (I think Liverpool) recently announced that asking someone to share their pronouns is transphobic, because you might be outing them. You could mention this to the person who gave you feedback (try not to laugh) and see if that shuts them up.

musicalfrog · 19/05/2025 14:32

Ooh be problematic I say!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 19/05/2025 14:31

"Hi, I'm @Paulettamcgee, and I don't have any...err...special pronouns."

Myalternate · 19/05/2025 14:31

I’d just say that as they can tell, you’re female but if they are more comfortable sharing their pronouns then please do.

msbevvy · 19/05/2025 14:30

You say "I've considered doing it to fit in and make colleagues feel more at ease but I really don't want to. But I also don't want to create an environment where others feel that they can't share theirs."

By the same token, by sharing them, even though you don't want to you could be encouraging an environment where others who feel like you but are more junior will be reluctant to step out of line and decline to share theirs.

JazzyJelly · 19/05/2025 14:29

Could you say something flippant? 'Any are fine'? I imagine when given the choice, pretty much everyone will revert to the pronouns associated with your sex.

If you're not comfortable with that, say so? Presumably people will assume some sort of gender distress but it'd put the issue to bed.