I stuck my head above the parapet

Good points about the policy. It's very useful if people in the company, esp HR, are not following their own policy. Make sure you are familiar with each step of the policy process and what the words which describe the various stages/meetings actually mean in context.

Worth making sure you mention in your email that you understand this initial meeting was to be with two HR people but without your manager or anyone else from your department (or whatever the set up).

It does sound a bit odd they want it to be 'informal' but have two HR people there. How did they work that out?
Very good point. I'd ask (in writing!) how they define informal. And/or ask them to point you to the part of the company/HR policy that defines informal and formal.

the notes from the meeting have been circulated and they are actually fairly representative of what happened so I'm pleased (and surprised) with that.

Sorry as i know you have enough to cope with at the moment, but is this the meeting at which everything blew up?

In which case great.

But also worth keeping this version because if as PP says others who were also there can say can you change this bit, you need to be wary that it could be subtle changed.

I dont know the procedure for something like this, but is it worth just acknowledging receiving them and saying seems a good write up?

Yes, good point with following up on everything with emails.
I'll be perfectly pleasant but it will be obvious what I'm doing which will hopefully make them consider what they are doing and why.

Mainly posting to say well done!

How strange that on the day booked to meet your manager they go off sick. Were they in work yesterday?

And somehow 2 members of HR can be made available at short notice?

The could easily have rescheduled.

So after taking a deep breath and patting yourself on the back, does seem that a paper trail is going to be essential.

Not just for them, but for you, if there are going to be last minute changes and so on.

Paper trail.

Email the HR man back with a summary of the phone call, what was said and what he said he would do.

[Been there, done that, t-shirt etc.]

Everything in writing. Even saying in writing that you have asked for this in writing. And sent, therefore timestamped. If it's something that you can't send to someone else, email it to yourself so at least you have notes that you can show are contemporaneous. You might - might not - be amazed at how bad some people are at keeping notes. It will help you to be the one to have the information - a full account, date by date, of what happened, where and how, and who said what to whom.

Understand you need to keep your job. That's the first thing - to protect yourself. We can only fight as far as is safe for each of us (which is why so many people in this are older, retired women). Your email doesn't have to be pointed, and it's better that it isn't. Just a calm, measured request to ensure that you have understood the situation and what he was saying, and to be informed in writing so that you can be clear about it all.

Good luck.

Well done for being assertive and not being ambushed by HR. The guidance from Irwin Mitchellabout the Supreme Court judgment was linked upthread and if you haven't had a look, it may be useful.
One thing that's worth doing is checking if your organisation issued one of those hostage letters: "we stand with the trans community in the face of the horrid Supreme Court etc. IF they did, then make a copy. The legal advice was that down the line, if anyone was putting in a claim for discrimination this showed bad faith / inbuilt bias on the part of their employer. Not saying that you need to go down that routs, but it's worth having it as back up if there's any question of you being badly treated.

Hope this is resolved in your favour speedily

Print a hardcopy of both the notes and email if thats how they were circulated or screenshot the folder and date and location stamp your printout via the advance print option

The only way she gets "dragged" into it is if people at the meeting say that the meeting note is not an accurate reflection of what happened and request amendments.

If possible you should not bring up the meeting notes directly in any of your meetings with HR. I have been the note taker and would expect a person to contact me quite soon after they were sent them to ask for amendments or additions. The longer they stay in the unchallanged state the more problems they create for HR as they are an independent internal record.

If needed go with from my memory /notes X said Y or something to that effect.

And I would print out the disciplinary policy and procedure.

Good luck

@RedCrochetedWigFace

Not stupid at all, OP.

Yes, people (typically women) who stand up get dragged along for years, sometimes without even being told what they've done "wrong". You've done nothing wrong at all, but your employers probably don't want you to do it again. I also wonder whether your manager is avoiding the meeting, and in my opinion, 2 HR people for an "informal" meeting sounds like an ambush!

I think you handled it really well. If you've not already, have a look at Free Speech Union. Hopefully you won't need them but I think it's good to know they're there.

Yes, exactly that. That the process is so painful that even if you are vindicated you suffer. So people back down.

You stood up for yourself really well.

That is exactly it, OP. Do you think your manager is deliberately avoiding this meeting?

Well done, OP. That took courage. And you've done exactly the right stuff, asking for clarification and in writing.

It does sound a bit odd they want it to be 'informal' but have two HR people there. How did they work that out?

They can't have it both ways - either they have a formal process, and put everything clearly in writing, and allow you to have someone with you, or there's really nothing more they can do, I would think.

The process is the punishment...

You are absolutely entitled to take someone into the meeting with you. Don't let them fob you off. Well done for standing up for yourself!

Good for you, OP. I agree, I think they wanted you to just turn up on your own and be meek.

Well done!

You too can go off sick.

And they have to find something you have actually done to complain about. Something which isn’t simply agreeing with the law as represented by the SC.

Oh. My guess is that the employer is Lush.

Grey rock 🪨 the derail.

Good luck today OP, you're already courageous so this will be straight forward.

You think all Zionists are Christian? Have you spent much time thinking your views through?

Joining in to offer solidarity, OP.

I wish you well today, RedCrochetedWigFace

May reason prevail!

Helen Joyce posted a recommended link to this guidance by Irwin Mitchell
https://www.theretailbulletin.com/retail-solutions/legal-do-retailers-have-to-provide-single-sex-toilets-and-changing-rooms-for-their-customers-and-staff-19-05-2025/

This sentence may be helpful for anyone countering the 'be kind' mantra in comms:
"I suggest that you avoid sending out messages which express sympathy with one protected group as you will expose your organisation to charges that you are partisan and have ‘picked a side’. And these sorts of communications will be disclosable in any legal proceedings and will be used by your opponent to undermine your credibilty.
Explain in neutral language what the Supreme Court has said and why you have to follow it. Invite individuals who are concerned about the change in approach to speak to their line manager (or other appropriate person)."