BBC series I Kissed a Boy decision "homophobic in the extreme" - LGB Alliance

If straight women with a trans identity of some flavour are on Grindr what are they looking for exactly? From what I understand of it, it's a hook up app., originally for gay men. It's unlikely to lead to committed relationships. If there are straight men on there mopping up the tm and female nbs, they're giving the actual gay men a break from larping women. If these women want a man to fuck, well that's what they're getting and, even better, a man who's actually in to what they're offering.

I don't like deception but this seems unpleasant but relatively harmless.

No sources as it's purely anecdotal on my part. It's what I've gathered from things I've either read online or in conversation with people who've had these types of experiences, including a friend of mine who is a de-transitioned FtM. Obviously, it's not something you'll hear straight men openly discuss and admit to.

There's a bit of similarities that can be seen in this type of behaviour and "chasers", albeit chasers from my understanding are fetishistic in their pursuit for trans on these dating apps, as opposed to straight blokes targeting trans-identified females simply because they're women.

Here's an example of FtM's discussing 'chasers' on Grindr. You can surmise by some of the replies the attitudes of the men targeting and messaging these women.

www.reddit.com/r/ftm/comments/1ccvk8o/how_often_does_everyone_here_deal_with_trans_guy/

It's grim if true - but I suppose also shows that reality will always out. Whether it's "lesbian" TW targeting lesbians or men targeting "gay" TM, straight men will go to various lengths to get into women's pants. It's nothing new for a bunch of lies to be involved, and no surprise they'll happily exploit gender guff as a means to an end.

Bloody hell, straight men are going on Grindr because they know they can fuck transmen easily as long as they pretend to go along with their gender id?

I don't disbelieve that for a second (going by Men's previous achievements, it seems like standard behaviour really) but do you have a source?

I believe that on Married at First Sight they gauged the participants' attitudes to things like trans partners at the beginning, so they knew that the guy they matched to the trans woman was potentially open to it, even though he didn't get a say.

And I wonder if they did something similar here.

Lol

I'm sure you'll find everyone is allowed to advocate for themselves except for us lowly women who should STFU and do what the men tell us 🫠

From what I understand, straight and bisexual man can and do use Grindr. Particularly straight men may pursue trans-identified females (many of which are said to be pre-op and aren't even on cross-sex hormones) as they're seen as easier 'gets', just as long as they're told what they want hear—an affirmation of their gender identity.

To the trans man, they're having 'gay sex'. To the straight or bisexual guy, it's just spicy straight sex.

Does that mean that trans people will please stop speaking for women, or turning up in their sports etc?

This is no different to using misleading photos or lies about age. Trickery to get a first date - but as soon as the deception is discovered it obviously isn't going to go well is it? Whoever gave that advice is clearly an idiot - maybe they were just after a hook-up but if they do want a relationship I would suggest honesty as the best policy

They might have been given this advice as a way to avoid straight men who are there to hook up with transmen and are not interested in men at all.

It's dangerous however you look at it.

Men who want to be women make a huge deal about being safe around other men. They often talk about 'coming out' to a date where and when its safe to do so.

They are less likely to 'come out' to women in the same way, for obvious reasons.

Yet somehow women who want to be men are safe in the exact same situation?

There's absolutely no logic in trans world.

We're allies. Gay men like Mr Menno, Jack Jewell, James Dreyfus, Adam Carter, Dennis Kavanagh and many others have made their feelings about trans identified women in their spaces extremely clear. They have also drawn attention to the extreme homophobia of transgenderism and 'transing away the gay'. We support them and amplify their point of view. I'm referring specifically to gay men because of the subject of this thread, but of course we also stand with the amazing lesbians fighting this misogynistic homophobic ideology.

I saw a Reddit post recently by a transman who’d been told not to reveal they were trans, I presume on apps, before hooking up with gay men. They’d done this 6 times and each time it didn’t work out, with several of the men saying ‘I’m gay’. One had been quite angry and tbh the women are potentially putting themselves in danger by not being upfront.

If gay people are hooking up with the other sex, doesn't that make them straight and thus, not able to have an opinion on gay people? So should stop speaking for and on behalf of gay people?

And if Grindr accepts transmen..one word , not two, so what?
There isn't a single dating app out there that doesn't include T, because they've managed to get anything that excludes them shut down. It's hardly a reflection of acceptance. Just more proof of the movement bulldozing their way into spaces not meant for them.

Many in the gender critical movement are gay themselves. I certainly don't speak for anyone but there are plenty of gay men out there complaining about straight women who identify as gay men appearing on Grindr and saunas. Much in the way lesbians are fed up with TW on their apps. Of course there will be some gay men who are fine with TM but they're certainly in the minority

Well, I don't know, there's one of us here who's denying that gay men by definition are attracted to people with willies, and it's not me.

Your guess is wrong.

Having an opinion on trans people is one thing but personally I think the gender critical community should stop speaking for and on behalf of gay people.

My guess is that transmen are probably more likey to hook up with other transmen than with men on grindr.

Grindr accepts trans men (two words, not one btw) yes.

The game show aspect of these reality TV programmes has an interesting effect. Contestants go on there knowing that their profile will be raised and their model/presenter/influencer etc credentials will get a boost. Staying to the end is essential and therefore being in a couple is key to that so there is a certain amount of situationship which occurs as none of the couples from Series 1 stayed together. Usually there is a big focus on physical contact in these shows but Reuben and Lars kissing really has only had brief coverage given that they did seem to spend a lot of time smooching. There was one really sweet part where Lars said to Reuben "thanks for accepting me as I am" at which point I did rather worry as early coverage of Reuben indicated a roving eye...

The most recent episode shows a group conversation about how the final "kiss off" is like a declaration of exclusivity and quite a serious commitment. At that point Reuben & Lars appeared to have a difference in understanding, with Reuben indicating that he hadn't seen it as a serious commitment while Lars had...The rest of the group later staged an intervention and tried to prepare Lars for the idea that Reuben might not be totally invested in their relationship. As someone said above, the way that episode was shot Lars looked very female in all their scenes. I don't know if the conversations were scripted but it made me think of that the whole group are a really kind bunch. I am nervous for the final episode - they have invited family and friends and Danni will be acting as master of ceremonies in front of a matrimonial-looking flower arch for the final kiss-off...

Oh that's the main thing that riles me about this show in general.
The obviously scripted swooning every time she appears by ALL the participants.
Oh wow!she's just gorgeous! What a woman! Stunning, Danni is so beautiful blablabla. They did it in iKAG too as if I bunch of 20 year old lesbians would fall over themselves every time she made an appearance. Unbelievably cringeworthy.
Is she that vain that constant OTT compliments about how amazingly gorgeous she is, has to be including in the script ?

Not only did they have to pretend they were open to a relationship with Lars they also had to pretend Dannii is Kylie

For a show about love and true feelings and having fun and honest gay male relationships without shame, there’s massive pretending going on about this issue in a really emotionally unhealthy and potentially coercive way.