Page 5 | Banned from breastfeeding group for objecting to males breastfeeding

snickerdoodle1990 · 2025-05-01T20:40:12+00:00

Hi everyone, I gave birth a few months ago and had some breastfeeding difficulties, so joined a local breastfeeding support group in my city. It’s basically a place to go for support with feeding, plus meet other mums/have a cuppa and biscuit etc. They also have a FB group. It’s become a nice, friendly place to go once every couple of weeks. Recently, a trans-woman (male) has joined the group asking for support because their wife has not long had a baby and the trans-woman is wishing to breastfeed too, apparently through use of hormones and domperidone (?) to stimulate supply (I did not realise this was possible at all) I really really object to this person being present in a group of women who are seeking breastfeeding support, trying to come together in their breastfeeding experience and also revealing themselves intimately I told the group leader my concerns and she basically told me to shove it - said that the group is a safe space for everyone and they support all who wish to breastfeed and that I shouldn’t come back because I am a bigot I am horrified as are the other women, where do we all stand and what would you do?

nocoolnamesleft · 02/05/2025 20:20

So a breastfeeding support group is knowingly centring a man who at best is delusional about the possibility of breastfeeding a baby, and a worst is a fetishist coopting a baby into that fetish, ahead of a woman who wants help to breastfeed her baby? That's appalling.

KnottyAuty · 02/05/2025 20:17

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 20:15

Fear of being accused of being discriminatory

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You haven’t got the hang of this have you

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 20:16

AlexandraLeaving · 02/05/2025 20:15

Their hands are literally not tied. They are choosing to centre a male person at the expense of female people.

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Because of fear of being accused of being discriminatory/ not inclusive

AlexandraLeaving · 02/05/2025 20:15

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 19:57

Their hands are tied

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Their hands are literally not tied. They are choosing to centre a male person at the expense of female people.

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 20:15

SnakesAndArrows · 02/05/2025 20:10

By what?

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Fear of being accused of being discriminatory

SnakesAndArrows · 02/05/2025 20:10

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 19:57

Their hands are tied

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By what?

DrPrunesqualer · 02/05/2025 20:04

snickerdoodle1990 · 02/05/2025 18:14

Just an update for anyone following.

I emailed the group leader today again just outlining my concerns and how disappointed I was at her reaction. The response:

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly I am sorry to hear how you are feeling , our aim is never to make anyone feel uncomfortable , we are aware of the recent Supreme Court ruling and continue to consider how we can meet everyones needs .. with that in mind we must also consider the needs of our transgender friends and ensure that we are not discriminating against any community , breastfeeding is a unique journey and everyone will have different stories , it is not up to us as a group to judge that. Again I am very sorry to hear you feel and hope you find the support you need

So
No support
No protection for women
Nothing….what an absolute disgrace!!!

Time to invite your breastfeeding group over for a coffee
Id also be emailing your GP and Midwife/ Healthvisitors and asking where you can find a single sex breastfeeding group.

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 19:57

snickerdoodle1990 · 02/05/2025 18:14

Just an update for anyone following.

I emailed the group leader today again just outlining my concerns and how disappointed I was at her reaction. The response:

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly I am sorry to hear how you are feeling , our aim is never to make anyone feel uncomfortable , we are aware of the recent Supreme Court ruling and continue to consider how we can meet everyones needs .. with that in mind we must also consider the needs of our transgender friends and ensure that we are not discriminating against any community , breastfeeding is a unique journey and everyone will have different stories , it is not up to us as a group to judge that. Again I am very sorry to hear you feel and hope you find the support you need

Their hands are tied

Silversixpenny · 02/05/2025 19:47

snickerdoodle1990 · 02/05/2025 18:14

Just an update for anyone following.

I emailed the group leader today again just outlining my concerns and how disappointed I was at her reaction. The response:

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly I am sorry to hear how you are feeling , our aim is never to make anyone feel uncomfortable , we are aware of the recent Supreme Court ruling and continue to consider how we can meet everyones needs .. with that in mind we must also consider the needs of our transgender friends and ensure that we are not discriminating against any community , breastfeeding is a unique journey and everyone will have different stories , it is not up to us as a group to judge that. Again I am very sorry to hear you feel and hope you find the support you need

Bollocks to the transwoman. Literally.

KnottyAuty · 02/05/2025 19:40

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 17:00

What on earth are you talking about

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Read the room

Augarden · 02/05/2025 18:54

In future this will be seen as the child abuse that it is.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/05/2025 18:45

Neverforgetwhothisisfor · 02/05/2025 17:23

It’s OK. The thing is, I don’t think I was doing all this stuff for the baby, I think it was for me. He was obviously OK (well, he wasn’t totally OK, he had a completely unrelated medical issue, but he was gaining weight, he was attached, he was wolfing up his liquidised carrots and courgettes and pears once those came on the scene). However I thought that I wasn’t a “proper mother” if I hadn’t ticked this box. I thought I was missing out. It was, in some way, performative just like these TW.

The difference is, very few people are ever going to have the courage to tell a mother to give up on efforts to breastfeed, whereas we all think men are completely mad to be attempting it. The only person who tried with me was a young community bf advisor who the midwife sent round to see me about 10 days after I got home from hospital. She said “this isn’t going to work for you, don’t waste your time (I was literally spending HOURS pumping), just enjoy your baby, don’t worry about it” and I should have listened, but ego.

It kind of makes my head spin a bit - thinking about it. It’s the heavy weight of gender expectations (good woman = good mother = bf mother) tied up with biology. I am as gender critical as they come and I can’t think how to unpick gender expectations from what’s best for the baby.

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This is a searingly honest post. It has made me think of women I met way back in the early 90s who felt guilty for having a c-section, not the natural birth they thought would have been best for them and the baby, even when there were really serious medical problems that would have put both mother's and baby's lives at risk without a section. Why do women so often feel this way? I seriously doubt men would.

nutmeg7 · 02/05/2025 18:37

snickerdoodle1990 · 02/05/2025 18:14

Just an update for anyone following.

I emailed the group leader today again just outlining my concerns and how disappointed I was at her reaction. The response:

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly I am sorry to hear how you are feeling , our aim is never to make anyone feel uncomfortable , we are aware of the recent Supreme Court ruling and continue to consider how we can meet everyones needs .. with that in mind we must also consider the needs of our transgender friends and ensure that we are not discriminating against any community , breastfeeding is a unique journey and everyone will have different stories , it is not up to us as a group to judge that. Again I am very sorry to hear you feel and hope you find the support you need

Oh dear, lack of comprehension about what “discrimination” means, it isn’t inherently bad.

We discriminate any time we make a group for some people and not for others, but it can be for perfectly good and legal reasons. The whole of the equality act is about when and when it is not acceptable to discriminate.

I am sorry for your situation OP. Time to set up a new group; did someone earlier post some useful links where you might find a breast feeding leader who is happy to run a female only group.

PetrovaRabbit · 02/05/2025 18:28

Seeing your update, it’s now vote with your feet time. If all the women leave and it’s just this trans person and wife left, well, that might show the organizers that including transwomen who want to breastfeed is not an effective way to provide support to breastfeeding mothers.

Original poster

snickerdoodle1990 · 02/05/2025 18:14

Just an update for anyone following.

I emailed the group leader today again just outlining my concerns and how disappointed I was at her reaction. The response:

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly I am sorry to hear how you are feeling , our aim is never to make anyone feel uncomfortable , we are aware of the recent Supreme Court ruling and continue to consider how we can meet everyones needs .. with that in mind we must also consider the needs of our transgender friends and ensure that we are not discriminating against any community , breastfeeding is a unique journey and everyone will have different stories , it is not up to us as a group to judge that. Again I am very sorry to hear you feel and hope you find the support you need

OP posts:

Digdongdoo · 02/05/2025 17:27

Ohthatsabitshit · 02/05/2025 14:04

Who is protecting the baby? I think it should be illegal frankly. I could not sit by and watch somebody do that to a baby.

It is illegal for a man to force a child to suck his nipples. The lack of law enforcement is honestly terrifying.

PonyPatter44 · 02/05/2025 17:24

That transwoman needs their hard drive checking. I dread to think what nasty future awaits that poor baby. Why isn't anyone in that group making a safeguarding referral?

Neverforgetwhothisisfor · 02/05/2025 17:23

Datun · 02/05/2025 13:29

Neverforgetwhothisisfor

i'm sorry, but when I responded to your comment, I was in full outrage mode about the article.

I just want to add I'm sorry for your experience. Women are feel made to feel guilty whatever they do.

But being hardwired to go to the ends of the Earth for the health of your child will be a familiar feeling for most mothers. And fathers, to be fair.

it's never something to beat yourself up over.

It’s OK. The thing is, I don’t think I was doing all this stuff for the baby, I think it was for me. He was obviously OK (well, he wasn’t totally OK, he had a completely unrelated medical issue, but he was gaining weight, he was attached, he was wolfing up his liquidised carrots and courgettes and pears once those came on the scene). However I thought that I wasn’t a “proper mother” if I hadn’t ticked this box. I thought I was missing out. It was, in some way, performative just like these TW.

The difference is, very few people are ever going to have the courage to tell a mother to give up on efforts to breastfeed, whereas we all think men are completely mad to be attempting it. The only person who tried with me was a young community bf advisor who the midwife sent round to see me about 10 days after I got home from hospital. She said “this isn’t going to work for you, don’t waste your time (I was literally spending HOURS pumping), just enjoy your baby, don’t worry about it” and I should have listened, but ego.

It kind of makes my head spin a bit - thinking about it. It’s the heavy weight of gender expectations (good woman = good mother = bf mother) tied up with biology. I am as gender critical as they come and I can’t think how to unpick gender expectations from what’s best for the baby.

Willyoujustbequiet · 02/05/2025 17:06

JorgyPorgy · 02/05/2025 16:37

If women can’t produce milk or enough of it, they’re told to use formula, not pumped full of hormones which may not be good for baby. Why should trans woman be any different? They should just use formula & stop trying to make their identity, or whatever it is they’re trying to do, more important the babies needs & rights!

Because its a fetish and they get off on it sexually having their nipples sucked. Bottle feeding won't cut it.

It's literally child abuse and some utterly deranged people defend it.

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 17:00

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/05/2025 16:21

You're doing a wonderful service to your movement on this thread, @Blueskies25. Keep on posting. Sunlight pouring out of those blue skies and showing a lot of stuff up very clearly. Good work!

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What on earth are you talking about

myrtleWilson · 02/05/2025 16:51

operation let them speak is doing a grand job today

KnottyAuty · 02/05/2025 16:38

Oldermum84 · 02/05/2025 16:37

Exactly my point! Each to their own..some people will be comfortable with certain things, others won't be. That's fine. If the group isn't right for you, it's not compulsory, find another.

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What if there isn't another?

JorgyPorgy · 02/05/2025 16:37

If women can’t produce milk or enough of it, they’re told to use formula, not pumped full of hormones which may not be good for baby. Why should trans woman be any different? They should just use formula & stop trying to make their identity, or whatever it is they’re trying to do, more important the babies needs & rights!

Oldermum84 · 02/05/2025 16:37

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/05/2025 12:23

We're all different. You clearly didn't find this an issue. When I was breastfeeding I felt happy to do it just about anywhere, and I was discreet, but the idea of having my latch examined in a public place with random members of the public wandering about nearby leaves me quite aghast. I would also add that the random members of the public might not be too chuffed either. My husband would probably avoid using a cafe at the same times as a group like that.

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Exactly my point! Each to their own..some people will be comfortable with certain things, others won't be. That's fine. If the group isn't right for you, it's not compulsory, find another.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/05/2025 16:21

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 12:49

Dismissing the range of possibilities ahead overlooks the fact that the future is unpredictable and could take many forms, it’s a very ignorant way of thinking

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You're doing a wonderful service to your movement on this thread, @Blueskies25. Keep on posting. Sunlight pouring out of those blue skies and showing a lot of stuff up very clearly. Good work!