Page 3 | Banned from breastfeeding group for objecting to males breastfeeding

snickerdoodle1990 · 2025-05-01T20:40:12+00:00

Hi everyone, I gave birth a few months ago and had some breastfeeding difficulties, so joined a local breastfeeding support group in my city. It’s basically a place to go for support with feeding, plus meet other mums/have a cuppa and biscuit etc. They also have a FB group. It’s become a nice, friendly place to go once every couple of weeks. Recently, a trans-woman (male) has joined the group asking for support because their wife has not long had a baby and the trans-woman is wishing to breastfeed too, apparently through use of hormones and domperidone (?) to stimulate supply (I did not realise this was possible at all) I really really object to this person being present in a group of women who are seeking breastfeeding support, trying to come together in their breastfeeding experience and also revealing themselves intimately I told the group leader my concerns and she basically told me to shove it - said that the group is a safe space for everyone and they support all who wish to breastfeed and that I shouldn’t come back because I am a bigot I am horrified as are the other women, where do we all stand and what would you do?

OvaHere · 02/05/2025 21:57

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 21:50

I don’t think there is anything stopping people from doing just that if they wish to do so

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I didn't say there was but frankly a lot of people in positions of authority have been completely derelict in their duty to safeguard children in recent times which has allowed some men to push boundaries all too easily.

Hopefully we'll start seeing a mass recovery of backbone sometime soon.

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 21:50

OvaHere · 02/05/2025 21:46

Nothing to do with discrimination and everything to do with safeguarding a vulnerable baby. Any man trying to 'feed' a baby needs reporting to social services.

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I don’t think there is anything stopping people from doing just that if they wish to do so

OvaHere · 02/05/2025 21:46

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 20:34

Excluding a trans woman who was seeking advice on breast feeding from a breast feeding support group could be seen as discriminatory

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Nothing to do with discrimination and everything to do with safeguarding a vulnerable baby. Any man trying to 'feed' a baby needs reporting to social services.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/05/2025 21:42

Yes, there's a repetitive quality and the first few posts from last night are very different from the torrent of posts since.

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 21:42

KnottyAuty · 02/05/2025 21:35

Last one before bedtime - @Blueskies25 you don't seem to be aware that the trans lobby in the UK has removed the term "breast feeding" from every NHS policy in the UK on the basis that it was NOT inclusive. So that means it is a group advertised for women. Keep up!

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Inform yourself before making stupid comments

The claim that the UK's National Health Service (NHS) has removed the term "breastfeeding" from all policies due to inclusivity concerns is not accurate. While certain NHS trusts, such as Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust (BSUH), have introduced gender-inclusive language in their perinatal services, these changes are specific to individual trusts and do not represent a nationwide policy.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 02/05/2025 21:40

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/05/2025 21:34

I think we've all wasted enough time on Blueskies, who is either not in the UK and unable to grasp that we are and we are all quite clued up about our laws, or is in the UK and is unable to grasp that Stonewall law is not the real law and nobody else has to abide by it.

I think Mumsnet attracts various bots / AI generated posts and the lack of any coherent discussion points would suggest that perhaps there's not a human making these random comments?

Bluebootsgreenboots · 02/05/2025 21:37

NRFT.
Has anyone queried the safeguarding issues raised by this? Where is the child’s mother? Is she ok? Is she getting the support that she needs to feed her baby in whatever way she chooses?
Who is prioritising the needs of the child?

Is this practise of males breast feeding a common occurrence? I thought it was just a mad, headline grabbing one off to make a point.

KnottyAuty · 02/05/2025 21:35

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 21:32

They advertised has being for women.

What on earth are you talking about!

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Last one before bedtime - @Blueskies25 you don't seem to be aware that the trans lobby in the UK has removed the term "breast feeding" from every NHS policy in the UK on the basis that it was NOT inclusive. So that means it is a group advertised for women. Keep up!

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/05/2025 21:34

I think we've all wasted enough time on Blueskies, who is either not in the UK and unable to grasp that we are and we are all quite clued up about our laws, or is in the UK and is unable to grasp that Stonewall law is not the real law and nobody else has to abide by it.

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 21:32

Datun · 02/05/2025 21:21

No it couldn't. They advertised has being for women. Very specifically mentioned in the Supreme Court judgement. If it's for women, no men allowed

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They advertised has being for women.

What on earth are you talking about!

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 21:31

SnakesAndArrows · 02/05/2025 21:17

Ah, I see. They have tied their own hands with ignorance.

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You’re not quite getting it though, are you

Helleofabore · 02/05/2025 21:30

nocoolnamesleft · 02/05/2025 21:28

Galactorrhoea is an abnormal discharge from the nipple. I certainly wouldn't want to see it being fed to a baby!

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Me either.

Helleofabore · 02/05/2025 21:30

Missey85 · 02/05/2025 21:07

Men can produce breast milk there's a doctor in my neighbourhood that specialises in it

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Males can produce a substance that they secrete from their nipples. The drug interactions and hormone interactions have not been robustly tested in this substance.

The question is, who exactly benefits from this medical procedure? I cannot see the infant benefitting from this. Only the male seeking to do so.

nocoolnamesleft · 02/05/2025 21:28

Helleofabore · 02/05/2025 21:26

No. I won’t.

I consider the term galactorrhoea to be an unintended side effect of an illness or medicine. While I understand that it is the same, that side effect is not destined to be ingested by infants typically.

The male people who do this deliberately wish to feed the secretions they produce to infants who simply cannot consent. I will continue to describe it as male people, men, feeding infants the secretions from their nipples.

Untested drug/hormone interaction, not adaptive like a mothers, and too often associated with a sexual fetish.

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Galactorrhoea is an abnormal discharge from the nipple. I certainly wouldn't want to see it being fed to a baby!

Helleofabore · 02/05/2025 21:26

nocoolnamesleft · 02/05/2025 21:18

Can we stop calling it male secretions? The proper name is galactorrhoea. Such as caused by a pituitary tumour or as a side effect of some medications. Generally, in men, it's quite a worrying symptom.

No. I won’t.

I consider the term galactorrhoea to be an unintended side effect of an illness or medicine. While I understand that it is the same, that side effect is not destined to be ingested by infants typically.

The male people who do this deliberately wish to feed the secretions they produce to infants who simply cannot consent. I will continue to describe it as male people, men, feeding infants the secretions from their nipples.

Untested drug/hormone interaction, not adaptive like a mothers, and too often associated with a sexual fetish.

Datun · 02/05/2025 21:21

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 20:34

Excluding a trans woman who was seeking advice on breast feeding from a breast feeding support group could be seen as discriminatory

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No it couldn't. They advertised has being for women. Very specifically mentioned in the Supreme Court judgement. If it's for women, no men allowed

Datun · 02/05/2025 21:18

snickerdoodle1990 · 02/05/2025 18:14

Just an update for anyone following.

I emailed the group leader today again just outlining my concerns and how disappointed I was at her reaction. The response:

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly I am sorry to hear how you are feeling , our aim is never to make anyone feel uncomfortable , we are aware of the recent Supreme Court ruling and continue to consider how we can meet everyones needs .. with that in mind we must also consider the needs of our transgender friends and ensure that we are not discriminating against any community , breastfeeding is a unique journey and everyone will have different stories , it is not up to us as a group to judge that. Again I am very sorry to hear you feel and hope you find the support you need

Yeah, refusing men entery to women spaces isn't discriminatory against them. As the Supreme Court was very specific in saying.

nocoolnamesleft · 02/05/2025 21:18

Can we stop calling it male secretions? The proper name is galactorrhoea. Such as caused by a pituitary tumour or as a side effect of some medications. Generally, in men, it's quite a worrying symptom.

SnakesAndArrows · 02/05/2025 21:17

Blueskies25 · 02/05/2025 20:15

Fear of being accused of being discriminatory

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Ah, I see. They have tied their own hands with ignorance.

Datun · 02/05/2025 21:16

Neverforgetwhothisisfor · 02/05/2025 17:23

It’s OK. The thing is, I don’t think I was doing all this stuff for the baby, I think it was for me. He was obviously OK (well, he wasn’t totally OK, he had a completely unrelated medical issue, but he was gaining weight, he was attached, he was wolfing up his liquidised carrots and courgettes and pears once those came on the scene). However I thought that I wasn’t a “proper mother” if I hadn’t ticked this box. I thought I was missing out. It was, in some way, performative just like these TW.

The difference is, very few people are ever going to have the courage to tell a mother to give up on efforts to breastfeed, whereas we all think men are completely mad to be attempting it. The only person who tried with me was a young community bf advisor who the midwife sent round to see me about 10 days after I got home from hospital. She said “this isn’t going to work for you, don’t waste your time (I was literally spending HOURS pumping), just enjoy your baby, don’t worry about it” and I should have listened, but ego.

It kind of makes my head spin a bit - thinking about it. It’s the heavy weight of gender expectations (good woman = good mother = bf mother) tied up with biology. I am as gender critical as they come and I can’t think how to unpick gender expectations from what’s best for the baby.

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Of course not, because they're intertwined. Very tricky.

But that's all still because it's hardwired in. You wouldn't be doing it that hard because, oh I don't know, it makes your hair look nice, or gives you a better figure, or 10 grand You're doing it for your child, and that's what made you feel like you had no choice.

The fact that your child was fine without it, is great, but you're still firing off all the hard wiring that you can't do anything about.

It wasn't for for you, it was for your child via you.

Honestly, the human race would be fucking nowhere without that instinct.

WinterFoxes · 02/05/2025 21:15

snickerdoodle1990 · 02/05/2025 18:14

Just an update for anyone following.

I emailed the group leader today again just outlining my concerns and how disappointed I was at her reaction. The response:

Hi,

Thank you for reaching out. Firstly I am sorry to hear how you are feeling , our aim is never to make anyone feel uncomfortable , we are aware of the recent Supreme Court ruling and continue to consider how we can meet everyones needs .. with that in mind we must also consider the needs of our transgender friends and ensure that we are not discriminating against any community , breastfeeding is a unique journey and everyone will have different stories , it is not up to us as a group to judge that. Again I am very sorry to hear you feel and hope you find the support you need

I really hope you reply and say, but you are discriminating against me, a new mother, feeling hormonal and vulnerable, wanting guidance in how to feed her baby. You have made me feel unwelcome and as if the desires of someone who is not breast feeding their child are more important than my right. Why? Why is a transwoman more important to you than a breastfeeding mother?

KnottyAuty · 02/05/2025 21:10

Digdongdoo · 02/05/2025 21:09

They might secrete something, but it isn't breastmilk...

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Good point. Male chest secretions is the proper title until we know better. Females produce breast milk.

ETA Breast feeding was scratched out of NHS policies so TRAs don’t get to use that term now.

Digdongdoo · 02/05/2025 21:09

Missey85 · 02/05/2025 21:07

Men can produce breast milk there's a doctor in my neighbourhood that specialises in it

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They might secrete something, but it isn't breastmilk...

KnottyAuty · 02/05/2025 21:08

Missey85 · 02/05/2025 21:07

Men can produce breast milk there's a doctor in my neighbourhood that specialises in it

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There are different types of breast milk. Keep up - that comment was referring specifically to colostrum

Missey85 · 02/05/2025 21:07

Cailleach1 · 01/05/2025 22:21

I highly doubt that. Women’s milk changes from colostrum when we give birth to older babies. Where are the rigorous test results of whatever men produce. And what nightmare of drugs will baby be imbibing along with that.

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Men can produce breast milk there's a doctor in my neighbourhood that specialises in it