Thank You from a Trans Lurker

Some trans women probably would like that, but they are actively silenced by the activists.

But honestly, I think the biggest problem would be finding enough people to populate those teams :P Most trans people just want to live a normal life, with as few reminders as possible that they are trans, so they wouldn't create or join a trans-only group unless they had no other choice.

"Did you observe that transwomen (i.e. who had transitioned to female from male) behaved in a traditionally 'masculine' gendered way toward transmen (i.e. who had transitioned to male from female)?"

More like that, yes. More precisely, it was simply that both groups brought their socialisation to the table, and tended to reproduce them.

So you had trans women (not all of them, but many) taking up most of the talking time, centering their specific problems even in mixed groups, demanding that everyone and their grandmother read their mind and agree to their every demand, and yelling transphobia every time some outsider didn't immediately comply. They also, very notably, failed to share their experiences with one another, or pool their resources.

Meanwhile, trans men tended to stay quiet in mixed groups, only spoke of specific problems in single-sex meetings, politely expressed themselves to outsiders, and considered that outsiders may well have very good reasons to say no, at least for the time being. They also shared every hint and experience they got with the trans men community, and helped each other towards their goals.

If it sounds like a caricature... I can't help it. That's literally how it was.

"Or was it a case of transmen becoming more traditionally masculine and treating transwomen as if they were 50s housewives?"

You know that myth of the 6 foot, muscly, heavily bearded trans man? Yeah, none of us were like that. We were all average size for a woman, and none of us bearded (it often takes some time to happen, if it happens at all). Meanwhile, the trans women tended to also be average size for men. So, yeah, we didn't exactly want to cross them :P Also, we had been women at odds with society's ideals of femininity, so the last thing we wanted was to enforce those stereotypes on anyone else. On the contrary, trans women were the ones who upheld them, to our irritation. (For example: one of them who tried to get onto the trans men forum was quickly rejected because she just wouldn't stop playing the "hee hee, I'm such a girly girl" persona, when it was in the rules that no gender stereotyping would be accepted.)

"trying to persuade transmen to actually go into women’s toilets and deliberately intimidate women, on the basis that transmen apparently “owe” that to their trans sisters."

I suspect that won't work, for various reasons:

• Trans men actually tend to care for women, so no, most of them won't agree to go and scare them, on principle;
• For trans men who suffer from dysphoria and have been using the men's loos for however long, having to go into the women's toilets could be dysphoria-inducing. They won't be thinking about how to make women uncomfortable; they'll be thinking about how fast they can get out of this unpleasant situation;
• Solidarity with their trans sisters? Yeah, them first.

"I suspect there will be a schism in the future between different groups of trans people"

That already happens, behind closed doors. I mentioned in some other comment somewhere that I used to go on a trans men forum - and trans men only, for good reason.

I don't have personal, real life experience with such people. Back when I transitioned, 13 years ago, in my country at least, it wasn't at all trendy to play at being trans. So all the ones I met were dead serious about it.

Online, though... I'm in fandom, an extremely woke environment, and yeah, I have no doubt that some of the bazillion trans, non-binary, or genderqueer young people who abound there, will eventually turn out to be perfectly average, "cisgender" people in a few years.

"I am sincerely very sorry that the trans rights movement has been co-opted by aggressive MRA's."

It was inevitable. Once you had the GRA in place, with the GRC being given to pretty much anyone who wants it, it was inevitable that self-ID would follow and from there, well, the whole circus that's happened. I've never been so thankful that my country is not as woke, and that there's still a legal barrier to getting one's official sex marker changed (it's not that hard to get over it, but you have to want it).

"I still think about the people with gender dysphoria and about how much harm has been done to them by people who claimed to speak for them."

They don't count, or barely. Anyone who insists on gender dysphoria being linked to trans identity is vilified in the community. Just like trans men, people with gender dysphoria are only trotted out when useful in an argument, nothing more.

Thank you for the well wishes :)

high-five

Yeah, I didn't last long with my in-person support group. I mean, right from the second session, I got into a tiff for saying, "I'll never be male like I've been female," which as you can imagine, ruffled a few feathers :D Luckily, there was an absolutely awesome online forum for trans men (and only trans men...), where you could find information about absolutely anything and everything needed to transition.

"I can't imagine any of your journey to this point has been easy."

Well, in my case, transitioning is really far from being the most difficult thing I've had to do in my life. First, I had to extricate myself from a deeply abusive family, and a cult-like church: now, that was hard! After that, transitioning almost felt like a breeze.

"from your post it sounds like you're better placed than others when it comes to being grounded on this TBF. It's appalling that a so-called "community" seems to thrive on and weaponise this fear"

It's very much in the very nature of the trans community, unfortunately. Being trans is not quite like being LGB, in the sense that a lot of trans people seek to transition, and once that transition is done, they just live as the opposite sex and don't need much support anymore. Consequently, in my experience, the trans people you find actively participating in trans communities can be more or less categorised as follows:

• Baby trans, pre-transition, who are seeking affirmation and support to make take the step of transitioning;
• Transitioners, who are seeking affirmation and support during those difficult times;
• Post-transition trans people who face specific difficulties in their trans life and need affirmation and support;
• A few transitioned people who stay to help everyone else and give them affirmation and support.

So you can see what the problem is: trans communities are full of highly emotional people in difficult situations, looking for unconditional affirmation and support, with very few "mature" and stable trans people to help them de-escalate situations and look at things rationally. Add in a few people with the common human tendency to see things in black and white, "you're with us or against us", and you end up with the persecution complex so common among trans people. (There are other factors too, such as the effect of hormones or of socialisation, which complicate the matter further.)