Ask me anything about my experience as a trans man who wholeheartedly defends women’s rights

In all genes vs environment cases I've read (thoigh it's been a few years) the comclusions from the author has nearly always been "it's both, and there are too many factors to suggest more than that".

The best studies have been longitudinal twin studies to minimise variation and to look at a large population sample. Which is why I am very skeptical when people say, "it's just genetics" or "it's only how they were brought up."

The third factor for me is lived experiences (I know this comes under environmental) but to me it's a category of its own - OP said about his home environment when she was a girl (apologies in advance, I am trying my "pronoun best"), ie,when she was a girl, she had negative experiences and learned when she chose boy-orientated clothing/activities she felt more comfortable in herself that she became himself.

Had this not have happened when she was a girl, if she had felt truly equal to a boy and felt she had the same opportunities and equal expectations as a boy (high achieving, no "domestic burden"), would she have remained a "she"? Perhaps, or perhaps not. Again, one person and one experience.

What OP is dead right about, IMO, is the exploitation of the law by male fetishists who saw an unguarded opportunity and seized it with both hands.

Does this mean you are attracted to men? If this is the case, how do you find that the male - gay community receives you; and how would you describe the nature of your relationships with men? Are the men you are sexually involved with typical gay men, or do they ''identify' themselves in some other way?

You say you have had 'bottom surgery' - does this mean you have a prosthetic, artificial penis?

Thank you and it is tough, and I wondered about the spaces issue too. We live in different places so haven’t met since the ruling and I don’t want to talk about it over messenging or even over the phone as I think it needs to be a face to face chat for me to understand. But I have said I can’t go on the march now. They’re not cross, but we do need to talk it about it sometime soon in person.

I think you raise a really important point about any law changes having ramifications across the board for everyone, including trans people who, to quote my MTF friend: “Just want to go back to how it was before when I passed and I wasn’t asked my opinion all the time about how I felt and was just quietly living my new life.” She has used the words hijacked and ambushed about the movement in the recent years, feels she doesn’t fit anywhere now. Also she comes from the Philippines so has extra issues about what is/isn’t classified as homosexuality on top of all of that. I do think people forget how hard this is for people who don’t want to have a trans flag on their car but are bone fide members of the community.

I have a personal question and of course please don’t answer it if you don’t want to ☺️. But could you explain about the genital surgery you’ve had? If you have a penis, how is it made? What does it look like? Would someone know it’s not a male born one? Does it work the same? Sorry if this sounds really weird, but I’m curious.

Thank you for answering. But can you clarify where you learnt of transition? Was it online or a person you met or a news story? Or were you referred to a service after talking about how unhappy you were with your life?

also I love that riddle you quoted upthread. It’s gold!

That is bizarre about your dad. Maybe there is something in the way peoples brains are wired that influences our preferences for one thing/ style over another even on that level.

I would imagine the fact that you’ve had surgeries etc takes away a lot of the need to make smaller continuous changes.
I hadn’t thought of that before.
But it’s good to hear that you don’t have ongoing urges to keep changing how you look. I suppose that is what I was trying to ask.

Buggered if I can remember where, unfortunately.

I've (relatively recently) heard suggestions there is some evidence that some traits can be passed down as evolutionarily advantageous, which potentially challenges the 'random mutation' model.

Why do you think nature has intentions? It’s more like chaos that looks intentional from a position in the distant future.
Evolution doesn’t happen because new adaptations are a good idea. It happens because mutations and differences are constantly being created in sexual reproduction and then sometimes a trait and an environmental factor interact and happen to be well suited so individuals with that trait survive longer and have more offspring.
Homosexual attraction is an interesting thing because obviously it doesn’t result in any offspring (assuming same sex couple rather than same gender identity opposite sex I mean) and yet it’s a fairly common behavioral trait. But arguing it’s not what nature intended is just an unjustified personification of nature.

I am genuinely saddened that you suffered such appalling abuse. It’s heartbreaking to read yet you physically endured it. 😢

I’m sure that you will know that many, many other children have and still are, being horrifically abused physically and emotionally by parents/guardians, family members and others. I imagine they feel as desperate as you.

I don’t want those desperate children to be encouraged by society to change their bodies because although from your perspective it appears to have worked to your satisfaction, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’ll have the same result for them.

All children and young people deserve love, support and encouragement to be who they are and not change everything about themselves to try to be acceptable to people they are never likely to meet.

I sincerely wish you the best for the rest of your life.

(apologies for not replying sooner, I’ve been playing with and then putting my 3 precious babies to bed ❤️)

Thanks for your post, I have two friends who fully transitioned in opposite directions. When all of this toxic discourse started, they were horrified, all they wanted was to pass and live under the radar. They hated labels and they were the last people who wanted to protest for or against anything. They wanted to live good lives, be surrounded by good people, and just be allowed to exist in the way that made the most sense to them. They both detested the fact that people might assume that as trans people they would have specific views on anything - they both hate Tik Tok for example (in the same way that my friend with Tourette’s does I guess).

Since then and in light of the ruling this week. My friend who was MAB and is now living as a female was relieved (and is married to a straight man), but it’s the opposite for my friend who was FAB and now living as a male. The latter wants me to go on a march soon but I am struggling to articulate how this ruling has not taken anything anyway from them, not least because they never aggressively wanted anything before - not other people’s spaces, no erosion of other people’s rights.

Any advice with the latter because this is almost a volte face of the person I knew before who now seems to have swallowed an ideology that isn’t actually aligned with their own beliefs? Wishing all the best for you by the way. Their surgery was only last October if that makes a difference in terms of any coming to terms issues. They are a brilliant person but this ruling has come with a side serving of Kool Aid for them. We’re both allowed to feel differently of course, but it’s the immediate reversal of opinion that is difficult to comprehend.

Does it annoy you that trans men are generally an afterthought in the debate/ coverage of the issues?

Or that both sides of trans are considered together? I can't think of a single controversy involving a trans man. Yet I could reel off the names of transwomen involved in offending, taking places in sports, seeking to be housed in female prisons.

I also think the motivations, issues, things underpinning f2m transition are very different. It doesn't feel to me like those transitioning share very much in common a

It’s tough isn’t it? From an evolutionary perspective men and women have had different roles so different characteristics would have been advantageous. there is no reason why we’d all be the same. However, being female doesn’t define me (personally) and I wonder if you’d have been born into my life, whether you’d have felt the need to transition?

I'm not anti gay, but it's not the evolutionary advantageous position

Unless having a certain percentage of gay people is a population control measure - more is not necessarily better.

Was it difficult to read posts from a psychological pov? or did you find your self agreeing?