Shobna Gulati

normcore mashing of the two genders

Sounds painful, but I think you can get a cream for it over the counter.

Has she really got to the age of 58 without ever hearing about feminism?

Not without hearing about it or even without superficially and performatively embracing it, but come on. Margaret Atwood, Rebecca Solnit, and Naomi Wolf all themselves "feminists", and if you are oblivious enough you might have done so too. You must know that the world is full of pickles and handmaidens calling themselves "feminists", whilst actively working against feminism. And honestly, if you really do not get that, then maybe you lack the knowledge to opine about feminism here or anywhere.

Yeah me too.

She's 58. Good grief.

I was never very feminine as a little girl in the 1970s. I remember everyone used to call me “son”. I think if Non Binary had been a thing when I was a teen I would have embraced it wholeheartedly because I found - and I still find - some of the stuff involved in being ‘feminine’ quite bewildering, especially relationships with boys. I think it would have taken the pressure off a bit when I was finding the world a bit tricky. I even have a unisex name (not by choice - it’s just the name I was given) so I wouldn’t have had to change it.

BUT now I am in my 50s and I understand that it’s just based on shit stereotypes. I admit I still find it all hard and sometimes despair at how rubbish I am at things like hair and makeup and choosing clothes - I wish all the time that I looked better but I hate that I wish that 🤯. But I am also old enough and wise enough to realise that none of that affects the fact that I am a woman in every cell of my body.

Anyway, a declaration of this ilk is the ultimate “I’m not like other girls”. Consequently I have absolutely no time for this whatsoever.

'insufficiently sexually liberated'.

Hah! That reminds me of a hiking trip I took in Europe 20 odd years ago. One morning another woman and I started off early and a few minutes in she took off ALL her clothes and hiked completely starkers, barring her boots and socks. She was extremely pushy that I should do the same and I refused. She got really shirty with me and snapped 'The problem with you is that you are not fully engaged with life'.

That sentence has become a bit of a joke in my family now and used for all sorts of things.

I was kind enough to politely ignore that she had to hold the straps of her rucksack away from her nipples due to chafing though.

This

I've known these spicy straight types. Yes, it's purely about elevating their status by showing they aren't vanilla.

The only correct response is to say "Oh shut up you silly little man, nobody cares about your banal sex life."

Also, you notice it's only the kinks that they think might be seen as "cool", not the obviously silly ones that would get them laughed at. As Joan Rivers used to say, when celebrities open up about their eating disorders, it's only ever the thin ones.

It also smacks of not having the ovaries to stand up to gender stereotypes, and that being a woman is something undesirable to be opted out of. I mean, womaning isn't always easy ( <side eye at menopause> ) but being a woman is by and large fucking brilliant, IMO.

The thing is that we all know what Jenner and other trans women are "coming out as", even if we disagree that it is possible for them to actually be that thing.

What does "coming out as non binary" mean?

It's like a negative identity. You're saying you don't identify as a man or a woman. OK cool. So what, you're identifying as nothing? (Of course, there are still two types of nothing, the male type and the female type, and so even being non binary comes in two binary options.)

The whole thing is just deeply silly.

Reminiscent of “of course, I’m a traveler, not a tourist”

Quite, “coming out” as non binary or whatever seems to be the equivalent of talking about your kinks - it’s just a desire to prove to everyone that you’re not a boring old vanilla normie. See also: “spicy straight”.

Used to know someone who constantly dropped heavy hints about her fetishes and kinks, it was fucking tedious not least because she made it clear that those who didn’t share her interests or didn’t want to discuss them were insufficiently sexually liberated

What annoys me about the state of being non-binary is when people say they are just a ‘person’ or want to be seen as a ‘person’. This indicates that:

1. All other women go round in a state of ‘woman-ness’ and wish to be constantly seen as, or acknowledged as a woman
2. Being a woman is something that just isn’t good enough as a status in its own right - not complex enough, not practical enough, too delicate, too ‘girly’
3. All other women want to conform to all the gender stereotypes that society has foisted upon the female sex, whereas they are expansive, free and infinitely more interesting ‘complex’.

Can they not see how they come across?!! It’s such a stealth brag!

If Jenner can "come out" / "transition" at 66, why not Gulati at 58?

We all know why men of that age transition. But for Gulati it all seems to be about stereotypes rather than for the same reason as men. Has she really got to the age of 58 without ever hearing about feminism? What is understandable in a child or adolescent is unbelievable in a woman of that age.

"Coming out" as trans in one's sixties is perfectly commonplace - for men announcing they are transwomen.

If Jenner can "come out" / "transition" at 66, why not Gulati at 58? I think the way this is received could be quite telling.

(I realise that nonbinary is not the same thing, although Stonewall UK vehemently insisted for years that it was).

It literally depends on everyone else being binary.

Massive "only gay in the village" vibes.

I mean, surely that's all non binary is. Identifying as being more interesting than all those boring normal people.

D-list sleb discovers way of getting publicity shock

I seriously judge anyone who unironically uses the word "normcore".

Someone who uses that word, is revealing that they think anything that is not "normal" is by default better than "normal". Anything subversive is good, in any direction, for any or no reason.

It's so arrogant. It's saying "I'm better than most people. Whatever other people have in common is stupid, I'm better than that by being different."

It's such a naive and uncritical view of the world. How did this political movement get such traction? When the mouthpieces talk such utter rubbish

Oh, that’s disappointing.

My 75 year old aunt (who spent most of her youth and early 30s marching for women's rights) declared at a family lunch a couple of months ago that she was now non-binary and preferred they/them pronouns.

My late 70s father (who is very GC) exclaimed 'FFS Shirley. You love to jump on every damned band wagon going and remind me again how many children you have given birth to?'.

This did NOT go down well. (Well, with Aunt, anyway) but it's not come up again.

I

Didn't someone ridiculous like Demi Lovato claim she was NB at one point?

I think she came out as pansexual, “sexually fluid” (which sounds like you’ll need a mop) and queer. It just sounds like a whole lot of attention seeking to me.

It was an actual article in the Guardian. I can only assume it was a slow news day.

That’s one long whine about not being special. “Don’t take my special thing otherwise you spoil the specialness!”

I'm in a couple of large Victoria Wood Facebook groups and I'm afraid it's all "Lovely brave Shobna" "Vic would be so supportive.."
Anything not along those lines is deleted and several people have been banned 😔

I’m genuinely tempted to put they/them pronouns in my email address because my line manager (he/him) would then have to earnestly watch out and change his entire opinion of me, as one of his tribe, and a special one at that!