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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Britain’s lost boys Sonia Sodha

232 replies

WarriorN · 09/03/2025 07:41

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2025/mar/09/jobless-isolated-fed-misogynistic-porn-where-is-the-love-for-britains-lost-boys?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

I do agree but feel it's men who need to step up here

Boys either want to be women or are turning to Tate et al neither of which is ultimately good for women and girls. Victoria Smith has been saying similar recently.

If you're not into sport there's so few decent role models or movements for boys. From experience they go off track at a very young age too.

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FrippEnos · 11/03/2025 22:53

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2025 22:45

No, of course they won't, but the fact that I could come up with three famous long series off the top of my head in about 2 seconds doesn't suggest that the problem is really the lack of reading material aimed at boys. There's a huge range of great children's literature out there at the moment and a tonne of non-fiction too.

Just like I said, GCSE English classes have been centred around books aimed specifically at boys for decades and they're still woefully underperforming in English compared to girls despite the girls having to wade through books that are not aimed at them.

Are they aimed specifically at boys? If so its a very stereotypical view of what boys want to read.
IMO its more about keeping to very staid groups of books that enforce what literature and reading should be.

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2025 22:45

FrippEnos · 11/03/2025 22:36

I haven't said that the boys have read those entire series, you have made that up.
I'm saying that those three series are not going to appeal to all boys, in the same way that the boys material that you mention in your other post will not attract all boys.

No, of course they won't, but the fact that I could come up with three famous long series off the top of my head in about 2 seconds doesn't suggest that the problem is really the lack of reading material aimed at boys. There's a huge range of great children's literature out there at the moment and a tonne of non-fiction too.

Just like I said, GCSE English classes have been centred around books aimed specifically at boys for decades and they're still woefully underperforming in English compared to girls despite the girls having to wade through books that are not aimed at them.

FrippEnos · 11/03/2025 22:36

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2025 21:44

You were saying that there is very little reading material aimed at boys and now you're suggesting that the real problem is that they managed to read all of those long series but couldn't possibly contemplate The Hunger Games because the lead is female so stop reading after that?

I haven't said that the boys have read those entire series, you have made that up.
I'm saying that those three series are not going to appeal to all boys, in the same way that the boys material that you mention in your other post will not attract all boys.

ShriekingTrespasser · 11/03/2025 22:33

There are lots of books for boys. Mine were reading Percy Jackson, The Dead series, books by Dan Smith, Alan Grantz and Steve Backshall. Then they read Stephen King and James Herbert and some biographies of footballers and Ferrari and lots of books by ex gang members, ex MI5 and police snipers. I could go on.
As well as all the literacy and educational benefits, reading books also develops focus and empathy. Something which is quite lacking now that people are online more.

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2025 21:44

FrippEnos · 11/03/2025 21:39

That's three, the problem is solved.

You were saying that there is very little reading material aimed at boys and now you're suggesting that the real problem is that they managed to read all of those long series but couldn't possibly contemplate The Hunger Games because the lead is female so stop reading after that?

FrippEnos · 11/03/2025 21:41

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2025 21:33

Girls have been subjected to Holes, Of Mice and Men and war poetry in English since forever in efforts to try to engage boys with male protagonists.

I haven't heard of holes but the rest of these are a dirge for most boys as well.

FrippEnos · 11/03/2025 21:39

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2025 21:31

Eh? What about Percy Jackson or Alex Rider or Artemis Fowl?

That's three, the problem is solved.

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2025 21:33

Girls have been subjected to Holes, Of Mice and Men and war poetry in English since forever in efforts to try to engage boys with male protagonists.

JanesLittleGirl · 11/03/2025 21:32

I was soaking up Stephen King when I was a teenager as were most of my friends. Why wouldn't those books work for boys?

noblegiraffe · 11/03/2025 21:31

Eh? What about Percy Jackson or Alex Rider or Artemis Fowl?

FrippEnos · 11/03/2025 21:28

SionnachRuadh · 11/03/2025 20:21

I think there's a major problem with a lack of books that boys enjoy. Once they've done Harry Potter, there just isn't much being published that might appeal to them.

There are some male-coded genres - stuff like military sci-fi or high fantasy - that still sell, but a boy who isn't into that really has nowhere to go. What's promoted as YA fiction is just too female.

There's a big underserved market for the kind of adventure stories that boys used to read. There are tons of old books that could be republished, or if they're too old-fashioned or they've become politically tricky, there are writers who can do new books in the same style.

Women run the publishing industry, by and large. I think there's a genuine blind spot there. And an opportunity for anyone who wants to take it.

If boys aren't reading, the way to deal with that is to give them something they enjoy reading. Boys who don't have bookworm dads are unlikely to discover that.

I agree that there is little reading material aimed at boys, but even military, sci fi and high fantasy is mainly female protagonists.

SionnachRuadh · 11/03/2025 20:21

TempestTost · 10/03/2025 16:49

Yeah.

I used to tutor struggling readers. Comics were such a frustration to me.

They are fine for fun but they are not language rich. There just aren't enough words for a student to really get practice reading, which is what they need. and the vocabulary is usually fairly low level.

Kids that mainly read that kind of thing just don't improve.

I think there's a major problem with a lack of books that boys enjoy. Once they've done Harry Potter, there just isn't much being published that might appeal to them.

There are some male-coded genres - stuff like military sci-fi or high fantasy - that still sell, but a boy who isn't into that really has nowhere to go. What's promoted as YA fiction is just too female.

There's a big underserved market for the kind of adventure stories that boys used to read. There are tons of old books that could be republished, or if they're too old-fashioned or they've become politically tricky, there are writers who can do new books in the same style.

Women run the publishing industry, by and large. I think there's a genuine blind spot there. And an opportunity for anyone who wants to take it.

If boys aren't reading, the way to deal with that is to give them something they enjoy reading. Boys who don't have bookworm dads are unlikely to discover that.

Ravenwitch · 11/03/2025 19:35

I knew someone who is sad about the disappearance of snooker clubs.

WelcomeToBoycottCity · 11/03/2025 13:13

Isn't part of the issue with boys from working class backgrounds is a lack of opportunity? A lack of free and discounted council facilities such as youth centres, libraries, organised sporting clubs/events means that teens don't have anywhere to socialise and participate with others?

Anecdotally, I have a autistic, gaming teen boy at home, but he also participates in martial arts and a theatre group, goes out with his autistic friends occasionally and I encourage him to socialise and get involved (doesn't always work, of course). However, we are middle class with the means to give him that opportunity. It is a pretty similar pattern within his autistic friendship group.

AliasGrace47 · 11/03/2025 11:23

Ironically I actually find his wife Tammy much more sexist. Both were v ill a few years back, I can see how this might well focus someone on family, community & religion, ofc those are good things! But she is v dogmatic that women who want to work are betraying their femininity. Otoh she's a massage therapist, writer, speaker & podcaster...

Like a lot of Phyllis Schlafly types,...they criticise working women harshly but seem fine w conservative women working as long as their job promotes conservative values.

AliasGrace47 · 11/03/2025 11:14

I don't want to derail but I just wanted to post a bit from Peterson's interview w Cathy Newman. He says he supports women who want to climb to the top of a profession & gives assertiveness training to help them increase their salaries. Some may disagree w other stuff he says in the interview & w the causes for unequal pay- tho I think some studies do support the assertiveness theory- but those seem positive in that he diesn't want women to be confined to domesticity if they want a career.

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20180123010516/www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/01/putting-monsterpaint-onjordan-peterson/550859" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://web.archive.org/web/20180123010516/www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2018/01/putting-monsterpaint-onjordan-peterson/550859/

ArabellaScott · 10/03/2025 19:23

TempestTost · 10/03/2025 16:40

Iam not sure about this. I don't think young men and boys have had much of a message that they are supposed to be higher in the hierarchy somehow.

My son has said things to me a few times that tell me the message he's received from pop culture is that boys aren't very smart and girls should be in charge.

Yes, that's what I'm saying. Males used to have this automatic higher status. Most visible high status people are still male. (Politicians, sports people, business leaders).

So men still have the vestige of that expectation that they are higher status than women.

But girls outperform boys at school, and increasingly in many workplaces. Boys and men see lots of work towards equity for women and perceive it as anti male discrimination.

NPET · 10/03/2025 18:45

Shortshriftandlethal · 10/03/2025 15:31

Sorry, I just find your posts perplexing........

So, you now seem to be suggesting that the only reason they want to be with you and your friends is because they fancy you and want sex? Before, you made it sound as if they couldn't cope or function socially or form friendships without being a part of the girl gang; and that they would ditch their male friends as soon as they were given entry?

Edited

I don't know where I "made it sound" like they wanted to be part of a girl gang.
Certainly didn't mean to suggest that. Yes they want/wanted us for sex but probably for more.

FrippEnos · 10/03/2025 18:18

NPET · 10/03/2025 13:58

We're 19, 20, 21. What do you think we have?
And, yes, we as young women obviously think similarly about them, but not to the extent of ditching our "galmates".
And I'm sure there lies the difference. We NEED other girls/women to help us cope with boys/men. They don't need friends to cope with us. We're not a threat!

Generalising, but I can think of the type of "boys" that would want to hang around with you and your "galmates".
And the reasons don't put you or the "boys" in a good light.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 10/03/2025 17:19

ShriekingTrespasser · 10/03/2025 17:11

@selffellatingouroborosofhate hobbies are for down time. Time for relaxing and enjoying an activity around all your work and chores. They shouldn't be the main focus in your life, they should complement your life.
How many boys prioritise gaming over everything else? There's no time to do anything else.
It starts very young when so many young primary school kids get hooked on Roblox then Fortnite. Some kids, mainly boys, are spending several hours a day after school gaming and then pretty much all weekend.
Then at secondary school, it's the gaming and the phone.
They can't fit in anything else and everything else has lost its appeal by this stage.
Something is very wrong.

Exactly. The problem is when the woman ends up doing all the housework whilst the man games. The risk of that puts me off dating a gamer, even though I occasionally game myself.

ShriekingTrespasser · 10/03/2025 17:11

@selffellatingouroborosofhate hobbies are for down time. Time for relaxing and enjoying an activity around all your work and chores. They shouldn't be the main focus in your life, they should complement your life.
How many boys prioritise gaming over everything else? There's no time to do anything else.
It starts very young when so many young primary school kids get hooked on Roblox then Fortnite. Some kids, mainly boys, are spending several hours a day after school gaming and then pretty much all weekend.
Then at secondary school, it's the gaming and the phone.
They can't fit in anything else and everything else has lost its appeal by this stage.
Something is very wrong.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 10/03/2025 17:04

TempestTost · 10/03/2025 16:40

Iam not sure about this. I don't think young men and boys have had much of a message that they are supposed to be higher in the hierarchy somehow.

My son has said things to me a few times that tell me the message he's received from pop culture is that boys aren't very smart and girls should be in charge.

Yeah, wait until he gets older and starts seeing women gyrating against men in music videos and men running most of the world's countries on the news. And starts playing games like GTA where you can score points by running prostituted women over with your car.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 10/03/2025 17:00

ShriekingTrespasser · 10/03/2025 16:20

The biggest problem facing boys is the amount of gaming they're allowed.
There's a denial about how serious this problem is with lots of people claiming that's how boys socialise these days, leave them to it. We really shouldn't be leaving them to it.
Get them off their consoles and phones and they may start to go out and socialise, do some sports or even read a book.
Get them to do chores from a young age and they'll grow up to be more competent, more confident and develop a more willing and able attitude.

Plus, a lot of these "incels" game heavily. I don't think that they understand that women are turned off like a stopcock by a man who wastes excessive time on any hobby, and especially a hobby like gaming where there's little or no possible application of the hobby-specific skills to real life.

TempestTost · 10/03/2025 16:49

WandaSiri · 09/03/2025 19:07

Random thoughts...

I'm a believer in single sex schools for girls especially, but there are so many advantages for boys. It's the presence of pupils of the other sex which encourages the stereotypes, especially as the children hit puberty.
Girls in mixed sex schools are sometimes used to socialise badly behaving boys - unfair on the girl. Boys in boys only schools with lots of male teachers have their role models. Male English teachers and female physics or maths teachers challenge stereotypes.
I'd agree that "horse play" is much more of a boys' thing - this is something Carole Hooven (sp?) says, and it tallies with my admittedly limited experience. A minority of girls do like physical "fighting" games, but I suspect only in single sex schools.

We sort of have to get involved because if all the boys turn into Andrew Tates, women and girls will suffer.

I mentioned Harry Potter because they are long reads. Comics and graphic novels are not the same type of reading. For novels or even short stories concentration is required. Sentence structure is more complex. You come across new words. You have to follow storylines and character development through the words, helping to develop empathy. So what if Harry Potter novels are 20 years old? They are classics and as children we would read/have read to us novels that were older than that. And the main character is male - boys generally won't read novels unless there is a male main character.

Yeah.

I used to tutor struggling readers. Comics were such a frustration to me.

They are fine for fun but they are not language rich. There just aren't enough words for a student to really get practice reading, which is what they need. and the vocabulary is usually fairly low level.

Kids that mainly read that kind of thing just don't improve.

TempestTost · 10/03/2025 16:40

ArabellaScott · 09/03/2025 13:25

Status has a lot to do with it i think. Certainly many men struggle with the loss of being automatically higher in the pecking order just by virtue of being male. For men stuck with a mental model of that rigidly sexist hierarchy they often struggle with inadequacy and a lack of confidence in a world where they are now required to prove themselves. And yes entitlement and self pity.

As for role models - I wonder what impact the Tiktok generation has on gender stereotypes. Very visual, shallow, no room for nuance.

Iam not sure about this. I don't think young men and boys have had much of a message that they are supposed to be higher in the hierarchy somehow.

My son has said things to me a few times that tell me the message he's received from pop culture is that boys aren't very smart and girls should be in charge.

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