My 14 year old daughter has been sharing school changing rooms, including swimming, with a male. The school never told me, or her. What would you do?

When you say 'she wasn't told' - surely she knew this boy masquerading as a girl was indeed a boy. Or do you mean she wasn't told that would be the changing arrangement before having to start doing it.
Either way, it's crazy and a massive safeguarding risk.

Could you name the school or PM me the name? Thankyou!

It is clearly not acceptable and I share your concerns.

At the very least, parents should have been informed of the facts. e.g. "It is the policy of the school that children identifying as transgender will use the changing room appropriate to their chosen gender." This gives you the chance to discuss the matter and raise any objections in advance.

I would be contacting the school, as I know you plan to do, and making it clear that parents should have been informed; and outlining your concerns about the policy, both for the girls involved and for the boy, who is learning to not respect the boundaries of others.

Don't Transgender Trend have guidance on this?

'i don't trust people with a penis around my daughter, unclothed or not'.

Hang on, are you her dad?
Are you planning on never letting her be around boys or men ever? What happens in town, on the beach, etc etc etc.

You sound ridiculous. Speak to the school, it's not that deep.

How do they tackle the pregnancy risk? Do they know how fertile girls are in their teens, that it is possible to get pregnant after sex-play without penetration, that a body old enough to get pregnant may not be old enough to grow a baby to term without suffering harm, and that abortion is not an easy option?

Girls will have been taught since primary school to “be kind and be quiet”

How do the other girls who are in the changing room feel?
Could they boycott the lesson?

As in this is one of her classmates? Who has a willy but is allowed to change with the girls?

I'd be furious, and no way should your daughter be pressured into being OK with this.

Local children are encouraged to contact Brighto Wellbeing Service run by Sussex Partnership NHS Foundation Trust who provide this guide for them to follow.

This guide directs children to Mermaids and Gendered Intelligence, along with advice on Name Changes, Pronouns etc including a commitment to record differences in use and methods of communication for different audiences (such as parents).

www.brightonandhovewellbeing.org/s/Guide-for-Trans-and-GNC-Service-Users.pdf

Just remembered the campaigning group ‘ Fair Play for Women’ and found this which may be useful.

https://fairplayforwomen.com/male-free-toilets-and-changing-rooms/

If you're actually in Brighton, contact PSHEbrighton – safeguarding first

@SernieBanders I don't think you should phrase it like that as in " I don't trust a person with a penis around my daughter " . It's easier to attack that. However I 100% agree with you. This is totally wrong and your daughter's rights are being stripped from her. What about her need ? For a safe space? Why should we even be forced to use language like this? Why do others always have to give up their needs and rights for a few others?
I know Brighton. This kind of shite is to be expected. Very keen to see the outcome of your actions.

I have no real knowledge here but I hope you do whatever it takes

The social pressure on your DD to be cool with it is immense and in many ways this is the most dangerous aspect of the set up. She's being taught that her boundaries are prejudiced and that she should suppress any instincts. This puts your DD at risk in the future too.

I was sexually assaulted by a teacher back before criminal records checks. One of the ways he got away with it was that I assumed (because this is what school taught me) that teachers were inherently trustworthy (the danger always came from strangers back in the 90s) so I missed opportunities to stop the situation unfolding because I never in a million years thought a teacher would do that. I overode considerable discomfort because to speak out would be saying out loud a teacher was wrong. Unthinkable.

A lot of children are currently being taught that to say out loud a person with a trans identity might be doing something wrong is an unthinkable act. The current boy may well be lovely (so is my son but I wouldn't force his female friends to share with him) but women are at risk of assault from males for their whole lives.

I'd strongly suggest contacting Safe Schools Alliance.

These wretched toolkits keep resurfacing and won't finally die until there's a proper Judicial Review case that declares their advice to be unlawful. In the meantime, safeguarding is being completely disregarded, children put at risk. Girls' rights to their own boundaries are being eroded, and they're coached to put others' needs before their own.

The school's primary responsibility, as I see it, is to comply with the Children's Act 1989 and not what is actually, when you get down to it, transactivism.

(As an aside, the male child may be decent but letting - encouraging? - him access spaces that aren't for him will rapidly teach him not to be decent at all and women and girls shouldn't have to face the consequences)

That's one heck of a dangerous statement in the tool kit.

They're actually telling staff to encourage vulnerable, impressionable children to disregard boundaries.

There is absolutely no reason having a trans identity = needing to access the opposite sex naked. It is genuinely transphobic to suggest all trans people disregard boundaries and does nothing to foster tolerance and inclusion in society.

It is appalling to expose female pupils (both with and without trans identities) to this risk and to educate male pupils that females cannot have boundaries.

No advice OP but lots of support.

I'd make sure it was definitely true. Then I'd go ballistic. Seriously. It's the only reasonable and rational response.

https://content.doyleclayton.co.uk/hubfs/Advice%20of%20Karon%20Monaghan%20KC.pdf

This is an assessment of the toolkit by the KC.

That is appalling. Are other parents aware yet?

“Edition 5 of the toolkit attempts to circumvent both Cass and the Monaghan advice by referencing both of these, finding forms of words that acknowledge the need to have regard to all protected characteristics under the Equality Act 2010 and the Cass review, but then proceeding to keep nearly all elements that contravene equality and human rights legislation that do not comply with Cass or address safeguarding concerns.

“(And) by passing off responsibility to schools by saying it is up to them to ensure compliance with evidence, policy and law and saying that the council’s toolkit is non-prescriptive schools and other educational settings are exposed to potential litigation, while enabling the council to protect itself from challenge.”

www.brightonandhovenews.org/2025/01/31/transgender-healthcare-and-schools-policies-come-under-spotlight/

Revised council guidance for schools on how to deal with trans issues is worse than the “unlawful” existing advice, a parents group claims.

www.brightonandhovenews.org/2024/09/13/new-school-trans-guidance-worse-than-ever-parents-group-says/