Page 12 | My 14 year old daughter has been sharing school changing rooms, including swimming, with a male. The school never told me, or her. What would you do?

SernieBanders · 2025-02-07T09:51:42+00:00

I believe this to be a failure of safeguarding and a risk to every female in the school. I do not believe the school can give consent in any way, all children are under the age of 16, so they cannot either. The school in question has adopted the Brighton Trans Inclusion Toolkit which actively encourages males and females to share spaces, including sleeping, without any supervision. They also have unisex toilets. For the record, I believe all gender questioning children should be given full, dignified support for their schooling. However their needs do not supersede safeguarding and dignity of all female pupils. What would you do? What legislation, guidance, rules would you quote to them? Straight to governors? The police? What?

AllFurCoatAndFrillyKnickers · 07/02/2025 16:47

heyhopotato · 07/02/2025 16:38

I'm really surprised you choose to live in Brighton given your clashes with the culture. It's very well-known for being the most socially progressive and liberal city in the country, it sounds like you have very traditional views and would do best to live and educate your children in a place that shares similar views to yours. There are some more rural areas of East Sussex that would suit you better.

Edited

Socially progressive and liberal does not necessarily mean safe for everyone.
Too many organisations supporting the few at the expense of safeguarding the majority.

JustAskingThisQ · 07/02/2025 16:47

As in one of the girls in her class who isn't trans.

JustAskingThisQ · 07/02/2025 16:46

SernieBanders · 07/02/2025 12:43

yes I am her dad and to be perfectly honest it's having been a 14 year old boy that gives me the biggest worry about this.

I've taught her the horrible reality that was, a third of women are sexually assaulted in their lives, and one quarter before 16

I teach her not to go to the loo on her own, the park on her own, to be careful of men, dress or not, hanging around anywhere near toilets etc

It may dismay you to know that she does not always get why she should be cautious around males - sadly that will change when she or one of her close friends is sexually assaulted which statistically, will happen.

I cannot apologise for my sex, but I can be honest about them, and take steps to protect my daughter (and son!) where possible.

Please, I don't want to have a row about it, I hoped the people here, mainly women would have some sound advice and you all have, thank you.

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Are they attracted to boys or girls though?

Would you feel the same if you knew one of the girls was a lesbian?

Bluebootsgreenboots · 07/02/2025 16:45

@heyhopotato
Should child safeguarding practices not apply in particular areas of the country? Which areas? Why?

oakleaffy · 07/02/2025 16:45

Why should a male child with a penis be allowed in female changing rooms? Completely threatening to girls .

TightPants · 07/02/2025 16:44

heyhopotato · 07/02/2025 16:38

I'm really surprised you choose to live in Brighton given your clashes with the culture. It's very well-known for being the most socially progressive and liberal city in the country, it sounds like you have very traditional views and would do best to live and educate your children in a place that shares similar views to yours. There are some more rural areas of East Sussex that would suit you better.

Edited

Original poster

SernieBanders · 07/02/2025 16:42

heyhopotato · 07/02/2025 16:38

I'm really surprised you choose to live in Brighton given your clashes with the culture. It's very well-known for being the most socially progressive and liberal city in the country, it sounds like you have very traditional views and would do best to live and educate your children in a place that shares similar views to yours. There are some more rural areas of East Sussex that would suit you better.

Edited

I was born here.

Please tell me how safeguarding children is "traditional views"?

Actually don't I don't want to have any conversations with people trying to shame me for looking after children. Whatever your motivations are they are not good ones.

OP posts:

heyhopotato · 07/02/2025 16:38

I'm really surprised you choose to live in Brighton given your clashes with the culture. It's very well-known for being the most socially progressive and liberal city in the country, it sounds like you have very traditional views and would do best to live and educate your children in a place that shares similar views to yours. There are some more rural areas of East Sussex that would suit you better.

EmmaEmEmz · 07/02/2025 16:36

I would be issuing a formal complaint around safeguarding and would not let my child attend those lessons until they can guarantee that she will not be forced to get undressed in front of a male or that a male would be getting undressed in front of her.

The problem is that it would make my child stand out, and that can be embarrassing for a teenager, so it is difficult.

I'm hoping by the time my daughter is high school age (she's y1 currently), all this dangerous nonsense will be something of the past that we will look on back with horror and disgusting, but in the event it isn't, I'll hope I'll have taught her the tools to say 'er....nah. not happening' and walk out. (That's not saying you haven't OP - I'm sure it's something you'd never expected to happen because it shouldn't happen!)

Original poster

SernieBanders · 07/02/2025 16:27

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 07/02/2025 14:31

It really isn’t. It sure doesn’t happen in my kids school.

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I am sorry to burst your bubble, but hundreds, and I mean hundreds, of UK schools use the Brighton trans inclusion toolkit, wholesale. The council crows about it all the time.

Your specific school MIGHT not, but I would sure ask them what their rules are, because a lot of schools are doing this. Today. To our children.

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Original poster

SernieBanders · 07/02/2025 16:24

Adropintheocean1 · 07/02/2025 12:48

I live in Brighton & have 2 girls at school haven’t even heard of this. They’re in primary at the moment and don’t change as they wear PE kits into school, but am I right in thinking this suggests boys & girls of high school age change together? Because that is absolutely bonkers, I remember getting changed for swimming in high school and it was a shit show, some girls would steal others clothes or ping bras etc that is going to be so much worse if you add boys into the mix. I would feel so self conscious as a teen girl!

Have a look at the specific parts of the toolkit, it literally encourages mixed sex changing. It's a safeguarding nightmare.

hundreds of UK schools follow the toolkit guidance

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Original poster

SernieBanders · 07/02/2025 16:22

OuterSpaceCadet · 07/02/2025 11:05

The social pressure on your DD to be cool with it is immense and in many ways this is the most dangerous aspect of the set up. She's being taught that her boundaries are prejudiced and that she should suppress any instincts. This puts your DD at risk in the future too.

I was sexually assaulted by a teacher back before criminal records checks. One of the ways he got away with it was that I assumed (because this is what school taught me) that teachers were inherently trustworthy (the danger always came from strangers back in the 90s) so I missed opportunities to stop the situation unfolding because I never in a million years thought a teacher would do that. I overode considerable discomfort because to speak out would be saying out loud a teacher was wrong. Unthinkable.

A lot of children are currently being taught that to say out loud a person with a trans identity might be doing something wrong is an unthinkable act. The current boy may well be lovely (so is my son but I wouldn't force his female friends to share with him) but women are at risk of assault from males for their whole lives.

"She's being taught that her boundaries are prejudiced and that she should suppress any instincts. This puts your DD at risk in the future too."

This is incredibly relevant thank you, and I am also sorry to hear your story.

I do struggle to get it across to her, and hate to do so, that se is often not safe, and she needs to be hyper aware.

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Original poster

SernieBanders · 07/02/2025 16:21

Itcostshowmuchnow · 07/02/2025 10:32

That is appalling. Are other parents aware yet?

I doubt it - the toolkit is not as well publicised as it could be and it's large. it also uses language which clouds and lies about the issue

Also, all parents want to keep their head down, even over this. There won't be a protest or placards. sadly.

OP posts:

puffyisgood · 07/02/2025 15:54

AstonScrapingsNameChange · 07/02/2025 12:57

It's bloody ridiculous - if this lad got his cock out in the park the police could arrest him for indecent exposure, but because hes said the magic words, the poor girls forced to change with him are just supposed to lump it?

A penis is a penis is a penis - no matter what's going on between it's owners ears!

Edited

HER cock, you bloody bigot [etc etc etc] 😫

2fallsfromSSA · 07/02/2025 15:48

@dovetail22uk seriously read the room. Trans girls are male and therefore should not be getting changed with females. It's not transphobic to state this.

arethereanyleftatall · 07/02/2025 15:43

I'm wondering if we need to start suing.

It's all so so batshit that I just can't believe it's anything other than money that has driven it. Only complete morons in 2025 still believe in twaw.

FallenSloppyDead · 07/02/2025 15:42

@SernieBanders And also this male is a decent kid, no trouble - but - they are male.

This child is being encouraged along a path that is dangerous for his mental and physical health. He is also being taught to ignore boundaries. If you tackle this on behalf of your daughter you will be helping this child too.

RobinStrike · 07/02/2025 15:20

@SernieBanders @GenderRealistBloke can I just say it's good to see some dads who realise what is happening and support their daughters. I hope your partners feel the same. Lots of good advice on here for you. Good luck.

FranticFrankie · 07/02/2025 15:17

It is not transphobic to talk of biological reality.
Transperson’s rights should not trump the safety of biological females to single SEX spaces.
OP- please look at Transgender Trend, Safe Schools Alliance
And maybe Sex Matters
Brighton ‘tool kit’ - what a surprise. It’s as if Dr Hilary Cass’s report never happened

2fallsfromSSA · 07/02/2025 15:16

safeschoolsallianceuk.net

2fallsfromSSA · 07/02/2025 15:16

I've not read the thread but you need to issue an immediate formal complaint on safeguarding grounds. There is loads on our website to help you with this from a "how to complain" to standard letters and fact sheets. Don't bother calling or raising a concern, it needs to be an official complaint or they will fob you off. The trans toolkit they are using is not legal, it's written by activists.

Grammarnut · 07/02/2025 15:09

Justme56 · 07/02/2025 10:33

https://content.doyleclayton.co.uk/hubfs/Advice%20of%20Karon%20Monaghan%20KC.pdf

This is an assessment of the toolkit by the KC.

The toolkit would appear to be mostly incorrect as a matter of law. Opening schools to legal action by parents/pupils.

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 07/02/2025 14:40

dovetail22uk · 07/02/2025 12:53

AAAAAH more transphobia and right before the weekend! What a treat. Trans boys are boys, trans girls are girls. I would imagine that any trans kids would use a cubicle because other people can be right tw*ts.

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I think you are conflating rhe two issues.

I don’t think anyone has any issue with trans kids.

What they do have an issue with is a genetic male with male genitalia changing in a female changing room. Not in a cubicle, not in a unisex area etc. A trans girl (because at 15 they are not yet a woman) removing clothing showing their penis and equally being naked with naked girls in the changing room. That’s the issue.

To be clear again not about a child who identifies with now being a girl. To be genetically male in a female changing room naked.

It is not acceptable that girls are put into this position some of whom may have been sexually assaulted by a person with a penis.

Paganpentacle · 07/02/2025 14:37

Perfect28 · 07/02/2025 12:15

'i don't trust people with a penis around my daughter, unclothed or not'.

Hang on, are you her dad?
Are you planning on never letting her be around boys or men ever? What happens in town, on the beach, etc etc etc.

You sound ridiculous. Speak to the school, it's not that deep.

It would hopefully be her choice whether to get naked with another male in her presence.
At the minute- she has no choice.

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 07/02/2025 14:31

SernieBanders · 07/02/2025 10:01

It's happening in every secondary school in the country, just nobody told us.

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It really isn’t. It sure doesn’t happen in my kids school.