There's nothing I can do about this, is there?

Yea it is well known that many trans people assault women!?

If traditional ideas of men were loosened to included pony tails and painted nails, then our friend in the cafe would not have needed 'she/her' badge. They would never have thought they weren't a man, would they? That is taking the badges at face value of 'I really think I'm a woman'. Which may not be the only reason for the she/her business.

Women also have every option of not showing off their boobs or their pantyline, and yet that is ok?
look I’m not saying it isn’t a bit annoying to dress like that. But in all seriousness, what is the harm done? I’d rather have a trans person showing his penis through leggings and flinging his hair around than some toxic masculine football coach shouting at my boy or listening to male colleagues “locker room talk” and not being able to bloody complain about that anywhere..you’re focusing on the wrong problems

Dear God that sounds grim.

I'd think poorly of the cafe if someone was showing her tits conspicuously, but I would not take it as an act of aggression and assertion of Male power the way I feel when someone deliberately shows their penis.

I think you'll find @Goldfishonabike that there is a well-established route from flashing to sexual assault to worse. Wayne Couzens was just one of many. And the reason is that it is part of the same kind of behaviour. This is just "I dare you to challenge me" flashing under lycra, Isla Bryson (also not a very nice person) style

Yes I do realize that I am also a woman living in the real world (who have experienced attempted rape twice) I don’t need mumsnet to tell me that.

what I do know though is that the men who tried to rape me where 1)a successful macho footballer 2) a total ordinary guy I met in a bar.

Not a trans person in tights. Probably the least likely to be dangerous to women. Rather, trans people are frontiers of gender fluidity where ideas of male and female characteristics merge and change, and that makes a lot of people uncomfortable (just look at the discomfort of a man flinging his hair lol - or cry..)

what’s dangerous to women is traditional ideals of masculinity and patriarchy, not trans people. Yes, in some policy situations the focus on trans rights can mess up things and take focus and rights away from women. But that’s the fault of rigid systems, not trans people. Systems need to change, not people

Employers can be held vicariously liable for the so called discriminatory actions of customers.... I'm on the OPs side here, barista sounds like a real peach, but Nero are probably too scared of a tribunal claim to take the customers side here.

@Acunningruse I would absolutely complain. It’s not appropriate workplace attire and definitely not in a customer facing role.

@Goldfishonabike you are incredibly naive. It is perfectly possible for male people to dress in such a way that their penis is not visible. This male is doing it on purpose, presumably for sexual thrills. Indecent exposure is a very common offence and women have every right to assert their boundaries not to see a stranger’s penis.

@Goldfishonabike actually, if you look through many of the threads on MN you will see that men's bodies often are dangerous to women.

That aside, this legging trend is really becoming a thing isn't it. I think it's replaced stockings and fishnets.

Can we be clear we’re talking about seeing the outline of a penis through leggings? Not a flasher? Thought the Victorian era was over…
also, so funny, he was flinging his hair 😂someone call the police!
to be genuine: I’d also not love seeing that, and I wouldn’t encourage my own DS to dress like that or be thrilled if he did. I’d lying if I said so. But from a minute of annoyance to making an official complaint, that’s a world of difference. Leave the poor guy alone…do you honestly think his life isn’t hard enough already? The vast majority of the population is still homophobic and certainly transphobic. Life isn’t easy for trans people.

It's flashing essentially. I imagine the motivations are the same except this version is "allowed"

Goldfish, mate, we should ALL be able to go about our lives without ‘laying eyes on a stranger’s penis’.

disclaimer I’m not a trans activist and do believe that biological gender exists and that yes, some people feel they’re on an spectrum but these are few and I’m against gender change treatments for kids etc etc.

but: OP, in all honesty, do you maybe want to examine your motives for wanting to complain about this? What makes you so fearful/outraged? If it was a woman in a very low cut top and nipples showing through, would you also complain? If so, fair play.

but: bodies aren’t really dangerous and even if you had to see the outline of a man’s penis for a split second, is that so unbearable to you? Plenty of sports also have tight wear which shows genitals (yea I know being a barista isn’t the same, but no one falls over themselves to complain over that). You should try going to Germany to do a bit of mixed gender sauna, you’d maybe develop a more chill attitude to body parts then.

if truly have time enough on your hands to go and make some stranger miserable because you laid eyes on his penis for a few seconds, then, by all means go on, but it may better for your mental health and worldview to go volunteer in a shelter for trans people.

Indeed says aprons provided and gloves over nail extensions:

https://uk.indeed.com/cmp/Caff%C3%A8-Nero-1/faq/dress-code

Discrimination law does not apply to individuals. Further transgender people are only protected in employment and certain other provisions of goods and services. As long as you are not abusive you are entirely within in your rights to complain that someone’s genitalia is clearly visible and offensive to you.

I would think that tights and a waist length T-shirt would violate the dress code for all employees, regardless of sex or bepenisment status.

I am very surprised that a cafe nero employee was a. not wearing an apron (either bib or waist) and b. did not have hair tied back. Both of these would get you pulled up on a food hygiene inspection.

He was enjoying the compliance.

and refer to 'the gentleman in leggings and t shirt'..😉

I’d do a written complaint that his appearance is inappropriate in a customer facing role. He should wear an apron and have hair tied back, no jewellery or nail art. And take your custom elsewhere.

best thing to do with an exhibitionist, in the moment, is to ignore them, or be very obviously bored by them

If he had long hair he should have it tied back if he’s dealing with food, so I guess there could be a report to the food standards agency (or whatever they are called). A visit may put the owners on guard on what their staff are wearing too.