Trans Widows' Escape Committee 6: The Next Generation

A trans widow with a history working in mental health with a psych degree who is getting a masters in counseling, who has helped many TWs by offering free coaching and has been in many support groups, also has a life coach certification and has been in a lot of therapy. There will be an opportunity for clinicians and TWs to be beta testers at the beginning.

Ladies, how did you overcome your depression? I am so depressed it is crazy. I myself dont know how I am able to function. I tried therapy but wasn't really working for me, I ended up crying at all sessions and cannot really afford any at the moment now that we are looking to seperate. I work full time and have put my anchors as my kids and work but still I keep thinking and hoping that all this would stop and things go back to as they were 6 months back. I know thats never going to happen but i end up crying every single day :( I worry if I will be able to live alone and how. I do not have any family support in the UK. I have never felt so scared and vulnerable in my whole life of 42 years.

I get the feeling that a lot of liberal people think that our suffering comes from thinking that transpeople are bad and disgusting. And while I will admit that there are some who felt this way prior to D day, because of religious beliefs maybe, most of us have no issue with with trans people in general.

Its not about that. Its about the deception, the gaslighting, the lack of respect our (ex)spouses had for us. Our consent was taken away. They purposely picked a person who they knew wasn't attracted to women or TIMs and used us as beards. Our entire relationship was a huge lie.

There are places you can go to find women who are pansexual but they chose to lie and use us as beards and to drag children into their web of lies. I would never date a woman or a trans woman and he knew that but pursued me anyway.

They also have the option to stay single or date around until they are ready to come out. No one owes you their time, love, energy or commitment or sexuality.

This is so so so sad 😞. No one wants to know or even realise what the wives, children and parents of the transitioning person are going through mentally 😞

Lots of hugs to you. You dont need to feel pressured to do anything that you dont want xxx

My son has bullied me to try and get me to accept that he’s a woman. Since he told me, I’ve been on antidepressants and I’ve wanted to die. My heart breaks for my lovely DIL with what he’s put her through. 💔

Almost every trans widow I know attempted suicide. Bit no one keeps track of those statistics. There was a woman who was running a private sub for us on reddit who died by suicide. Her husband kept pushing her and insisting that she was crazy and abusive for not accepting him as a woman.

One of the other mods told us, and that's all we knew about it. I really wish she had reached out for help, but maybe she felt like no one would help her.

To obtain a Gender Recognition Certificate a transexual must have a diagnosis of gender dysphoria from a psychiatrist specialising in the disorder. If it's not a mental disorder then why are transexuals being given drugs & surgery on the NHS? Taxpayers shouldn't be funding extreme body modification as a lifestyle choice.

When i said to my therapist that this is a mental illness she didn't hesitate to correct me that it is not an illness! I still stand my ground that it is an illness whatever anyone might say and should be treated as one and not by caving into their demands of calling them with a different pronouns and accept as a different gender.

I am seriously baffled that literally no one thinks about what happens to us mentally. No therapist, no medical profesionals or any govt bodies! Thank you Tinsel for all you have done for woman in our situation so far. I am glad I found this forum.

There is a course that is starting on Teachable for therapists about how best to help transwidows and explains what we go through, and talks about what not to say and helps the therapist with their biases.

I know for me I really hated when therapists tried to get me to watch movies about transwomen. Not helpful.

I've had friends say their therapist told her to "just become a lesbian," or "you aren't being supportive in this marriage."

For sure. I mean its chat gpt, not exactly "real", I just found it interesting that it knows a lot about us.

While it may represent an ideal of civility, it's hard to wish someone well when you don't believe their 'truth', they've treated you with contempt, and worst of all they've disregarded and hurt your children. Nice idea but I find Tinsel's alternative option compelling 🤣🤣

This is true.

I asked AI to come up with simple nonviolebt statements for a wife to say when her TIM husband is accusing her of being abusive, a transphobe, or not loving them.

🌿 Nonviolent Boundary Statements for Women Whose Husbands Come Out as Transgender
About My Identity and Boundaries

• I am a straight woman. That hasn’t changed, and I have a right to honor my own orientation without being shamed for it.
• It’s not hateful to know who I am and what I am (and am not) attracted to.
• Loving myself and being true to my identity does not make me transphobic.
• I am not obligated to stay in a marriage that no longer reflects mutual attraction, compatibility, or shared values.
• My boundaries are not abuse. They are how I protect myself.

• Calling me abusive because I want to leave is manipulative. You are allowed to live your truth. So am I.
• Disagreement is not abuse. Discomfort is not abuse. I am allowed to say no.
• Respecting your identity doesn’t mean I have to erase my own.
• You are entitled to your feelings. You are not entitled to redefine my reality.
• I’m allowed to grieve and have my own process. That doesn’t make me an enemy.

• I want us both to be free to live authentically—even if that means separately.
• Ending a relationship isn’t a rejection of your humanity. It’s a recognition of incompatibility.
• This marriage no longer feels emotionally or physically safe for me. That is enough reason to leave.
• I wish you well in your journey, but I’m choosing a path that honors my own health and truth.

There is a concept in youth psychology of "rapid onset gender dysphoria" and it happens in groups of preteens and teens. When the young person is separated temporarily from their peers and from the internet for even a week or two, their GD diminishes or goes away.

I do wonder what would happen to some of these TIM'S if they were in a situation where they could only watch vanilla porn or no porn, and had no access online or in person to other TIMs and to the "handmaidens" or "drag h@gs" who cheer them on and constantly tell them how gorgeous they are.

I know in my ex's case it wouldn't have mattered. He started in the 90's in HS and so when we met he had been doing it for 20 years. It was already deeply installed in his nervous system as a pleasurable positive thing to do.

But for some of them who seem to absolutely come out of nowhere, I do wonder if its like the rapid onset GD that youth experience. When you watch a certain kind of porn and have Os to it, it is so powerful. It just dumps so much positive reinforcement into your brain.

The irony being our dad was always more football, it was mum who'd never miss a rugby game.
But no, the new trans identifying sibling always felt unhappy in the wrong body. He doesn't want the photos of him bearded at festivals, playing rugby and sinking pints, he's a lady and ladies like chilled white wine and chatting.
It's harder to argue with the more emotional stuff but we felt he was a boisterous, energetic, confident kid not the sad, reflective introvert he's suggesting he was inside. It's just if he's lying about rugby he's probably lying to himself and us about how he looks back on the past.

Just human then. All the ones I've come across are female. I've not listed all. I wrote a long screed further, but deleted. I can't help except by expressing sympathy.

Yes it’s like a cult they’ve joined. And that thing about a script, I’ve heard similar stories over and over again.

I have pmd you xx

Error hasn't he noticed that wwn love and play rugby too!

If you want to talk in private, I'm here. This was one of the most humiliating, depressing, traumatic, abusive, manipulative and depraved things I have ever been through.

It is like trying to stop gravity or the tide. Nothing stops them. There are some who detrans but it usually isn't until they have destroyed their lives and their bodies are breaking down. Or they go through all the surgeries and still have dysphoria and realize they are never going to pass unless its very dark and the person is intoxicated and far away.

It is like they are under some kind of spell.

Speaking of rewriting stories, I think that's why my ex ducked down and ran away from me like a child in high heels at Pride a few years ago. It was almost comical.

I was with my queer older teen daughter who didn't want to go alone. My ex was with his latest beard.

My guess is that he told beard number 4 (now wife number 3) that I was a horrible homophobe and that I was hateful and abusive and who knows what else. Because surely if he told a woman "Well I knew I wanted to transition in 99 and I got a divorce in 2009 and could have stayed alone or find a pansexual woman, but I just decided to find a vulnerable very straight single mom with a high needs 4 year old and tell her I was just a cross dresser while taking estrogen behind her back. I lied for 6 years and then came out when I felt like the danger for me was over." I don't think any woman would want to be with someone like that.

My daughter went over to him to talk and he acted like he didn't know who she was, didn't introduce her to his fiancee or ask her how she is doing or say he missed her.

Let's look at Caitlin Jenner. I couldn't watch the biography at the time because I was too raw but CJ claims they knew since like age 4 and hated being male.

And yet that male body was one of the most powerful in the world for years at a time. Does any of it make sense? He also did to Kris Jenner exactly what my ex did to me with the "I'm just a CD" BS.